True self

The day after Halloween in Sheep’s Hallow is always a sad day for me. All October I can finally allow myself to show my true self, but the day after I need to retreat behind the mask I wear the rest of the year. The only one to see my true self all year-round is my sweet black cat, Morgana. She came to me as a kitten one dark lonely night 4 years ago after my father’s funeral as I sat crying silently on my porch. Out of the dark came a sort of trill, like a bird’s soft call which at the time of night was impossible. Slowly I opened my stinging eyes to see a black ball of fur sitting on my foot blinking the greenest eyes up at me. Slowly as I reached her up a peace came over me that I haven’t felt in a long time if ever.

From that night forward, Morgana became more than just a companion—she became a gentle guardian of my truest self, offering silent comfort through all the months that stretched between Octobers. Every evening, as dusk settled over Sheep’s Hallow, she would curl beside me, her presence an unspoken promise that I was never truly alone. Even when the world demanded that I wear my mask and hide behind layers of pretense, Morgana’s watchful gaze reminded me that acceptance could be found, even if just within the quiet corners of my own home. With her, the loneliness of the post-Halloween days felt softer, and with each purr, I found myself holding onto hope that someday, perhaps, I could show my true face to more than just my sweet black cat.

But this day is not to be the day to show my true self, as I am dressing for the day my phone signals a new text, and there it is the reason I must leave the safety of my house, my boss requesting my presence in the office. Generally, I work from home but occasionally I must travel into the city for a meeting, which usually is scheduled but this impromptu text for a meeting can mean only one thing. So, as I pin back my hair and don the requisite suit, I talk to Morgana who sits watching me with her knowing look, to help control the quivers of anxiety that begin with the knowledge that I must venture into the press of people and buildings of the city.

Finally, I can put it off no longer, and as I move through the house to leave, I pause a moment to touch the frame holding the very last and best picture of my dad and I that I thought was lost to the void when my phone crashed but miraculously I found framed in my father’s home after his passing. An hour later I reached the city and sitting in my boss’s office received the news I knew was coming, the firm was downsizing due to AI taking over and making the need for me and my graphic design skills outdated and I was being let go.

On the ride back to the sanctuary of my home I thought about what this would mean for me, luckily my home was owned outright, and I had a small inheritance from my dad’s estate, that plus some savings I could live carefully for six to eight months. But I will need to figure out something quickly before that. There was one dream I always held on to through the years but never had the courage to follow through on, and that was owning my own craft shop and selling all the crafts I have poured my heart into. My father’s voice was always in my head though reminding me that it wasn’t a safe road to follow and to stay with a job that guaranteed a paycheck and stability. So, arriving home to the peace and safety of my home I push that dream to the back of my heart again.

Opening the door I immediately notice something is wrong, Morgana is sitting on the bookshelf and the framed picture of my father, and I is smashed on the floor. Without any warning my sadness and anxiety of what the loss of my father, the job and of fear of what the future will bring overflows in a stream of rage directed at my gentle guardian and I throw her off the shelf while screaming hateful words at her. She immediately runs out the open door and disappears as I fall to my knees crying harder than I have ever done and as my knees start stinging from the broken glass shards I collapse into darkness. I’m not sure how long I lay there passed out but when I finally opened my eyes again the sun had disappeared from the sky. Calmer now I slowly I pull myself up off the floor- being careful not to cut myself more on the glass and move into the kitchen to grab the broom to clean the mess up.

As I leaned down to lift the broken frame, I noticed something peeking out from the back that was knocked askew when it fell. Carefully I remove the back to find an envelope with my name on it in my father’s handwriting. With shaking hands, I slowly open the flap and slide out a single sheet of paper and a key.

My dearest Daughter,

I will be gone soon and have things I should have said to you but could never find my voice when we were together.Years ago, I told you not to follow your heart and to stay in a job you hated for stability, for that I am eternally sorry. What I should have said was grab that dream and never let go, that money isn’t everything and most importantly that I love you and would be proud of you no matter what you did. I don’t even have the words to explain how I felt watching you retreat from the world and hardly ever smile because of your love and respect for me that kept you chained to something you hated. It is my greatest regret and sorrow that I did that to you. You will find a key along with this note, that key opens a storage unit I paid for 10 years with the hope you would find it before that time, in that storage unit is a filing cabinet with a deed to a house in Sheep’s Hallow in your name that is large enough for you to live in as well as open a shop for your crafts if you so choose. Additionally, you will find $20,000 in cash to help you get started. I am sorry that I was not able to say all this to you when I was alive, and I hope you will forgive me.

With all my love

Dad

Stunned, I re-read the note two more times before I could understand what it meant. Finally, I spun around to find Morgana looking at me with her knowing eyes and I quickly knelt and scooped her up apologizing and stroking her under the chin, if she hadn’t knocked the frame off the shelf I may never have found this note. It’s as if she knew what happened at the office and knew this was here for me to find. Carrying Morgana I quickly walked out to my car to head to the storage unit.Once we arrived, I found the right locker and slid open the door to find the file cabinet just like the note said, and in it a deed for a house I had dreamed of owning for years, an old Victorian right on main street!

It was getting late, but I couldn’t wait another moment, so I grabbed the deed and cash then closed the unit and Morgana, and I drove to Main Street. As we stood there looking up at the house I felt my father’s presence with me. Slowly we walked onto the porch and unlocking the door stepped inside into a beautiful front room large enough to hold a shop for my crafts and even an area where I could host classes. It was even more than I could have dreamed. I could not wait to get started but as it was now well past midnight, Morgana and I locked up and headed home, where I fell asleep making lists and thinking of what would come next.

The next morning, I woke up more excited for the future than I have ever been and immediately sat down to make lists for what needed to be done and a timeline for when I could hope to complete everything and possibly open December 1st. Before I could get started, I knew I needed to take stock of exactly what I had and what would be required to turn my dream into reality. I decided to spend the rest of the morning making a detailed inventory of my stock, what type of shelving and displays I would need and researching what permits or any renovations that would be needed for the shop space. Each step felt daunting but exhilarating.

Over the next couple of weeks everything seemed to come together easily for me.Within the first week Morgana and I moved into the rooms upstairs and I put my house on the market, then I hired a local man to build shelves and display cases for the shop. While that was going on I applied for a business license and other permits required, which were all approved quickly with no issues. Once the shelves were built it was time to decorate the space and furnish the area where I would hold classes. I had decided to not only sell my crafts but to also sell supplies for other crafters to purchase. As well as putting in a room attached to the large front room a used bookshop with comfortable chairs.

Finally, the day of my grand opening had arrived and as I anxiously unlocked the door, fearing no one would show Morgana rubbed her head against my leg as if to tell me not to worry. Within minutes the shop was full of people and it didn’t slow down until almost 7 o’clock that evening! After closing up and feeding Morgana we headed to bed and as I lay down the peace I had felt when Morgana came into my life settled over me again and I feel asleep with a smile on my face and feeling as if the mask I always wore was gone and my true self was finally revealed and I was free.