A Love Note Of a Dead Man

11 PM: Sleeping is hard of coming these days, my love. The Sand Man and I seem to not be on the best of terms at this time, my love. This is incredibly unfortunate because you always cared about my well being, especially how well I was sleeping. I could never sleep when I was around you. Your beauty fascinated my brain to the point that I just wanted to lie awake to study you. Your blonde curly hair lay calmly on the silk pillowcase covering one on of your blue eyes complimented by your long, black eyelashes. I wanted to hold you and make sure nothing interfered with your peaceful slumber. You were always more important than I was. Yet, you knew my feelings and never took them for granted. You saw me as your prized possession as well. You gazed at me through stained glass, my love. I do very much apologize. I apologize for my lying awake despite your wishes. Goodnight, Angel. 

1 AM: Dear love of my life, I have been awoken again by a call on the phone. The same call I get every. Single. Night. I figure they don’t hear what I’ve been telling them. “No, I didn’t do it. No, I wasn’t there.” I tell them the same thing every night. Are they not listening? Do they not believe me? They’re almost just as bad as though telemarketers we’d both hate getting those calls from peddling useless weight loss programs. They must be psychotic because only psychopaths do the same thing repetitively hoping for a different outcome. Either way, it doesn’t matter. My staying awake gives me a longer time to be with you, my love. And reflect on my past and our future. So what do you want to know about me, Gorgeous? I’ll tell you anything you want to know. How about my childhood? You always asked about that, and how that was. I never wanted to tell you because I felt as though you’d look at me differently. I guess now I can tell you because it’s not so direct. Well, my love, my mother was one of the most beautiful you could ever meet. Her long, black her complimented her deep brown eyes and big pearly white, smile. Her skin was warm coffee-colored and it surely wrapped everybody she met like a blanket with a warm breeze serenade by her melodic voice. She was tall so all of her features stood above just about everybody like a trophy underneath a spotlight, which is what she was while she was in public, that is. My mother was not the person she was on the outside, my love. She could be so nurturing yet so cruel. She would leave all the time and leave me to take care of my siblings alone. She would walk out the door with a soft, nourishing lie every time,  “I love you. I’ll be back soon” as closing the door behind herself. Outside the window, she was stepping into the passenger seat of promiscuous silver Porsche with an older, shaggy man smiling at her with ill intentions. I don’t even think she was surprised when we got taken from her, my love. I watched her face as we were put into the back of that man’s truck and not a single tear was shed. He handed her that high, and she didn’t regret a thing. She was too high to even know what was going on. I still loved her though, just like I still love you after what you did to me. Goodnight, Gorgeous. 

4 AM: Another phone call, can you believe that? Detectives can be so rude at times. I understand this is a hard case, my love, but I am genuinely trying to get some sleep. You may be the one motivating them to call me to wake me so you can have a chat with me, but, Baby, this just seems a little much. I wish you were this eager while you were around. We would have been more in love than Juliet and Romeo. I do apologize for your inconveniences though. It is such a shame that had to happen to you, but bad things happen to the best of us, my love. I’m sure you understand. Now to communicate with my past. After the whole ordeal with my mother, I could trust nobody the same again although I tended to rely on other people for validation of my emotions. I wanted somebody to love, Angel. I wanted to love just like everybody else, but not everybody understands that like you did, Beautiful. However, I tended to gravitate towards people who were only going to hurt me because people are so cruel just like my mother. One woman I met was a tall, fair-skinned lady that had hair the color of burnt orange and snake green eyes. Her beauty was blinding. She was like staring at the sun for too long, including the burn. She lured me in by her warmth, and once I got too close she burned me. Whatever karma bit her back. She eventually got pregnant by an abusive man that murdered her and her child. It was definitely an unfortunate series of events. One moment, my love, another phone call. Jeez. Can you believe they had the audacity to tell me I murdered two women, honey? They said they had evidence it was me. They said they found where the bodies were hidden, and all. Why would I ever admit to a thing as malice as that? I loved both of you women and my heart was broken when justice had to be served. I hate to be hurt, my love. I’m sure you know that, my love. Now let’s talk about my future that could have happened with you. We could have ran away together, and you could have been my everything, but you had to run away without me. Why would you do that to me, my love? You left me so cold. I used to cuddle next to you in the cold winters and make you feel loved and you’d make me feel loved, and we’d make each other feel warm. I couldn’t help but keep you next to me. I wanted you so bad. Is that you knocking at my door, beautiful? I have to ignore him so we can be together. 

8 AM: They told me I could hold my journal throughout this after a long argument about whether it helps improve my mental state. I told them I would never leave you as my mother left me. I’m sorry for killing you but I didn’t want you to love anyone else, you see. I wanted you to only love me, and I knew I could still speak to you through my thoughts. I apologize for killing that woman and her child also. You were always so angry at me for that, but it’s what I had to do. They have tried to tell me repetitively that you didn’t love me, but I just know you did at the bottom of my heart. You would have fought harder if you didn’t love me. I know the doors and windows were locked but hate conquers all, they say. I say love conquers all. I did this out of love, beautiful. They have agreed to take my journal to analyze its contents. I am sorry for disturbing you, my love. I hope you rest well, as I will once they read my journal. 

 I confess to the murder of the two women and the one child.