I think I love you a little bit

The wind gently caressed her golden hair, and she stood for a long time with her eyes closed.

She said: “I want to remember this moment, I want it to stay with me for a long time, so that I can call up this image and feeling on dark snowy winter evenings, when the radiators in the room are barely lukewarm due to the extreme cold. When you can’t sleep at night, when you toss and turn from side by side and think about what you could have done differently, maybe better, but you failed.”

It was the end of August. This is the time when summer is already ending, when a gentle haze gradually appears in the sky, the sun no longer heats as much as before. But this is one of the best times for long walks along the coast or along forest paths, when you can feel that you are living in this very moment, you don’t have to rush anywhere, run around in your thoughts, or make excuses for something. When your woman doesn't judge or make excuses, but instead gives you kiss after kiss, just like that time, on the school graduation night.

I remember when I thought I was going to feel lonely at the prom, she suddenly came up to me. I had noticed her before during breaks, but somehow I didn't pay attention. Because the girl wasn't anything special, provocative, she just didn't catch anyone's eye. So, she came up and said: "I want to spend this evening with you. All of it." Oh, how good, it means God took care of it, despite his great busyness. Well, we danced to our hearts' content. She danced well. Well means that it was free, a little carefree. This is important, because, as you remember, in our youth we have a lot of complexes. Which are not easy to grow out of. Then we found wine, it intensified the emotions of the prom and pushed us towards openness. I took her outside, we walked around the school, and then around the surrounding area. You know, you have to dare to kiss. Because you don't know how she will react. There is always a risk of rejection. But, apparently, there was already some fellow feeling. Well, such moments are recorded for life. It was tender and good. Her golden hair shone in the streetlights and the blue moon was reflected in her eyes. But briefly, because she immediately closed her eyes. Ohhh...Then there was a noisy march of classmates to meet the sunrise. Meet sunrise and the beginning of independent life. Leaving childhood for photographs. After that, we did not meet for a long time.

And once I was looking through school photographs, because I was already constantly taking photographs at that time, and in one of the photographs I saw her. She was looking straight at me and smiling mysteriously. And I did not even notice her when I was taking photographs, she was with her friends.

We met after a long time. As they say, fate brought us together again. I think that kindred spirits find each other. There is no need for a computer calculation of compatibility then. Because, you know, it has been established that two people are ideally suited to each other if their 24 criteria coincide. And there are quite a large percentage of them in whole Earth. But you can get along perfectly if 20 or 18 criteria coincide. Or surrender to the will of God or fate. In our case, that was exactly the case. The magic of those first kisses did not disappear, it returned almost immediately. As they say, the body remembers everything. Most importantly, that enchanting smile has not disappeared anywhere, the one with a little fatigue, a little peace, a little unspoken mystery. Like in a school photograph. A peculiar smile. The kind that, as they say, cannot deceive. Or seek benefit for itself. Without any artificiality. A smile like that sends such cozy shivers through my whole body. It's a good feeling.

I came up with an interesting thing. Well, I didn't exactly come up with it myself, there was a song about it that hooked me. So, there was a text about how a girl puts on her ex-boyfriend's sweater and imagines that he is next to her at night.

So I dressed my childhood love in my sweater, I said, here, so that you don't get cold, and I thought to myself, I will put it on me when I miss her very much. Because I knew that this method works for sure. We walked for a long time, telling our stories, interrupting each other, because it was so fun to share them. Sharing coffee from one cup and eating ice cream in half. Swinging each other in a hammock and playing table tennis clumsily. And from time to time I saw that peculiar smile, from which such warmth poured, as if a warm shower had been turned on from somewhere. Maybe from heaven. Or wrapped in a fluffy blanket. Blue.

Then we trampled through a rye field, but no one saw or shouted. And the photos there turned out fantastic. You know, when you stretch out in the rye, you get an uncontrollable, primal feeling. Like standing on the edge of an abyss. We found a high dune and we both rolled down like children. One of my acquaintances said that such a thing really relieves stress and anxiety. Really. At such moments it no longer matters what anyone says or thinks. Let them take care of their own lives. And happiness.

“I miss you so much when you’re not around,” I said. “How nice to hear it from you,” she said after a few moments.

And after a long look with her cornflower-blue eyes, she said: “I want to tell you something... I think I love you a little.” A little. Huh, as if you could love a little. No, if that’s the case, it means a lot... As if she didn’t know...