Memento

1 week ago, it was my friend Micah's birthday party. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to make the party. My dog had run away that day, so I was busy looking for him. Ever since that day, my friends have been avoiding me.

I look down at my feet as I walk across the pavement. Breathy vapors dissipate in the frigid air of an early fall morning. Once the shadow of the awning enters into my peripheral vision, I look up to start scanning for familiar faces. Everyone is either entering the building, or already inside, eager to escape the cold. My breath briefly hitches as I walk into the school, suddenly encapsulated by the warm air.

Small groups of students are clustered about the school. Their hushed conversations resound in the largely empty space of the cafeteria. Amidst all the chatter, a familiar voice grabs my attention. “Hey Amber!” An opulent girl with long jet black hair approaches me. This is my friend, Daphne. “How are you doing this morning?” she asked me. “I'm fine. How are you?” I replied. “Well, to be completely honest with you, I have been kind of down lately. I feel like Penny has been avoiding me recently. Have you noticed that too? She says solemnly with a smile. “Sorry to dump all that on you this morning. I might just be imagining things.” she continues. “Yeah, I kind of noticed that too. She doesn't talk to me much anymore either.” I said bitterly. “Not after you started hanging out with me” I thought to myself.

Daphne ponders for a moment, and suddenly lights up. “I know! Why don't we have a sleepover at my place? Like old times? We can watch horror movies too!” She says decidedly. I can feel my chest tense up. “Uhm..” The noise escapes my throat absent-mindedly. “Why would I want to be in such close proximity to people that obviously hate me! Micah has always hated my guts, and Penny is always making quick glances at me when she's with her. They're probably talking shit about me… No, they're definitely talking about me. And what do you mean old times? Or did you forget I've never even been to your house?” Daphne's dejected voice suddenly interrupts my thoughts. “What? You don't think it's a good idea?”

When faced with a social situation such as this, I know it's only appropriate to cater to the feelings of the inquirer. “No, I think it'd be pretty fun actually.” I respond reassuringly. Daphne puts her hand to her chest, letting out a sigh. “I sure hope so. I'm just hoping to smooth things over. I know Micah and Penny aren't the types to talk when they're upset, so I can only hope we can talk about everything once they feel comfortable enough.” Daphne says with a placating tone. “Yeah, I hope so too.” I reply listlessly. “I'm going to wait for Micah and Penny, and then I'll invite them to the sleepover. I'll let you know all the details later!” Daphne says, still standing near the entrance of the building. I nod, and head to my first period.

—-------------------

My mom drops me off at Daphne's house. As I step out of the car, I can't help but let my eyes wander as I take in the view of the carefully curated landscaping and various ornate lawn ornaments. I carefully and deliberately make my way to the entrance, paying particular attention so as not to knock anything over or disturb the gravel pathway more than necessary. Suddenly, the door is ajar and Daphne is giving me an enthusiastic welcome. “Welcome! Come in!” She says, beckoning me inside. The first thing I notice are the well-maintained, richly stained wood floors. “Ah, please remove your shoes.” Daphne says, gesturing towards the rack of shoes behind her.

I followed Daphne as we sauntered our way through her home. Witnessing the grandiosity of it all causes my heart beat to start quickening. “This is going to take some getting used to.” I thought to myself. Daphne seemed to catch on to my discomfort. “Are you alright? You look a little nervous.” She says with concern. “I'm fine.” I reply curtly. I take a breath, and exhale. “I'm sorry. It's just… this place is a little overwhelming.” I respond. “Oh! I understand.” She says softly, and then pauses. “It's because of what happened last time, isn't it?” Daphne says in a hushed tone, almost whispering. I freeze. “What are you talking abou-”

“DING DONG~!” The doorbell chimes out. “That must be either Penny or Micah! I wonder who it is?” Daphne says, rushing to the door. Penny walks in the house, greeting us both with a pleasant smile. “Hey guys! Where should I put my stuff?” We collectively head to Daphne's room and set down our bags. “It's been a while since we've all gotten together like this, hasn't it?” Penny says. “Yeah, that's why I figured another group hangout was long overdue!” Daphne replies with a smile. Penny glances at me. “Hey Amber, why don't we both go ahead and get changed into our pajamas?” Penny says, almost too enthusiastically. As if her words are blanketed in deceitful kindness. She hasn't spoken to me for a week now, and she acts like it's nothing? “Sure.” I responded indifferently.

I follow Penny into the bathroom, and once we are alone I immediately pick up on a shift in tone. There's tension in the room, and Penny is the first one to cut it. “Hey Amber, I've been meaning to talk to you.” She says with a downcast look. “I'm sorry about everything. Micah's been upset since you missed her birthday party, and honestly she doesn't like me getting close to you. That's why I haven't been talking to you. I know it doesn't make up for anything, but I thought I'd at least explain that to you.” Penny says apologetically. I'm a bit taken aback at first, but the surprise is soon followed up with anger. “It's alright.” I say dejectedly. “No, it's not alright. I should have at least texted you, so it's my fault.” Penny says resolutely, then pauses. “I know you might not trust me anymore either, but I want you to at least hear me out on what I'm about to tell you.” I look at her curiously. “I know Daphne has been spending more time with you recently, but I would be careful around her. Careful with what you tell her, and how much you believe what she says.” Penny says cautiously. “And why do you say that?” I inquire. “She…likes to pry.”

We leave the bathroom and go back to Daphne's room to find both Daphne and Micah waiting for us. “Hey guys! While you were gone, me and Micah picked a horror movie for us to watch!” Daphne says enthusiastically. “We're thinking Violence Jack. I heard it's pretty gory." Micah pipes in. “Ughh, you guys know I'm not big on gore!” Complains Penny. “I'm fine with it.” I add. “Alright, majority rules!” Daphne declares. Daphne puts on the movie as we all get comfortable. I try to pay attention to the movie, but my mind starts wandering to other things. Strangely familiar sights in Daphne's room. What was she talking about earlier? What did Penny mean? Can I trust Penny? Can I trust Daphne? Suddenly a jarring scene from the movie grabs my attention. A man getting cut in half with a chainsaw. Something about it causes a memory to come to the surface. A conversation. A prior conversation, held within this very room.

—-------------

“Penny told me she saw you gutting a deer once. Is that true?” Daphne asks enthusiastically. “Yeah, during the hunting season sometimes I have to butcher the deer.” I respond. “What other kinds of animals have you butchered?” Daphne asks. Her questions start to concern me, but I decide to answer earnestly. “Rabbits. That's it.” I reply. “Do you think you could butcher a dog? Your dog?” Daphne asks, with a smile.

‐—-------------

After the movie ends, we all get ready for bed. Micah and Penny are sleeping in the guest room, so me and Daphne are left alone. Micah leaves, while glancing back at Daphne apprehensively. “Did you really forget about last time?” Daphne asks, looking at me with a puzzled expression. “What do you mean?” I reply, my confusion only growing stronger. “What happened to your dog?” Daphne asks coldly. I feel a chill run down my spine. “He ran away on the day of Micah's birthday party. I tried to find him, but I never did.” I explained. Daphne stares at me with condemning eyes. “Wrong.” she says coolly. “I saw you that day. I saw you ■■■ ■■■ ■■■■ ■■■■■ ■■■.”

I awaken to find I'm being shaken by the shoulders. “Snap out of it, won't you?” Daphne scolds. “Since you won't admit to it, I guess I'll just have to show you. She says decidedly. She gets up and heads towards her closet. “What are you doing?” I ask weakly. “Just wait.” She says curtly. She's holding a box. One with an inset lock. She pulls a key from her pocket and I hear the box *click* as she unlocks it. The rustling of papers is all I can hear through the tense silence. She pauses and makes her way back to me. “This.” She says. “Recognize it?” The photograph shows a yellow labrador lying in a ditch. There are leaves strewn about, covering it. One thing is unmistaken though. The dog is missing a paw. It's my dog.

‐—------------------

“BISCUIT!! BISCUIT!” I call out into the autumn air, to no avail. My lungs ache from the cold. My desired results fail to find me, and I fail to find my Biscuit. Despite the pain, my legs still drag on. I continue to yell out, following the roadside until the sun goes down. That's when I spot a flash of yellow in the distance. I rush towards the sight, then I see the thrashing. The thrashing, and the blood. Biscuit is bleeding from his nose, bleeding from his mouth. Gasping and twitching, as if trying to escape from death itself, to no avail. I see him, but I can tell he doesn't see me. He doesn't see anything. My heart sinks as I have to witness this morbid sight. All I can do for him is cradle his body as he dies an unsightly, inelegant death.

I drag his body into the forest in hopes of finding a suitable resting place. There, I stumble upon a ditch, suitable enough to house his body without any digging required. I place him in the ditch as gently as I can. Lying on his side, I lay my head and chest onto him, running my fingers through his fur, trying to absorb any heat his body has left, but it's too late now. He's already gone cold. I stare at his body lying there, as if time has frozen, but I know better than that. Even now, the passage of time is tearing him apart, working to break down his flesh. Soon enough, decomposition will take him, and I will lose what little I have of him left. Memories; only memories, but memories fade.

I squeeze his paw, reminded of sweet summer memories. The first time I laid eyes on him as a puppy, squeezing his paw as if holding a human hand. The desire for connection. “This will do.” I think to myself. I take out my pocket knife, and carefully carve out the memories I want to immortalize. A distorted photograph of a brilliant movie, but something is better than nothing. I am disgusted with myself. It's normal to let go, to accept the unfortunate outcome and move on, but I don't have the strength to do that. I desecrated Biscuit's body so I could have a piece. A piece of him, because I can't bring myself to let go. I want to remember him, but I want to forget. I don't want to remember him thrashing. I don't want to remember his pain, his mutilation, his unsightliness, his death. I am selfish. I disgraced his corpse for a memento, but I don't want to remember. I want to forget.

Which one is stronger? The desire to remember, or the desire to forget?

—-------------------

1 week ago, my friend Daphne and her senior friend went on a trip together. Daphne didn't tell me when she would be back in town. Ever since she left, Penny and Micah have been acting strange.

“Where did you get that locket?” Penny asked me, with a strange look on her face. I ran the smooth cool metal surface of the locket under my thumb. “Daphne gave it to me before she left for her trip. She told me it was a little memento. One for me to remember her by until she gets back.” I replied. Penny looked at me with a stupefied expression. “What's in the locket?” Penny asked with a shaky breath. The locket clicked gently as I opened it up. To be seen, is a neatly bound lock of jet black hair.

“Do you know when Daphne is coming back from her trip?”