SECRETS INHERITED

Gina looked down at her leg, she had taken a razor and made multiple cuts, she watched as the drops of blood dripped onto the floor. This wasn't the first time. Instead of being painful she would say it released the pain. This is what she did after every time she and her father fought, after he had slapped her around yelling about how rotten she was. This usually happened after she came in late from a date. She had locked herself into the bathroom, never crying, just staring at the rivulets of blood. She waited for the cuts to stop bleeding, she knew she wasn't going to die. Cleaning up the bloody mess she hid all the paper towels and rags and went quietly to her room to cry. After a brief time she heard her father shout, "Dinners ready Gina I made your favorite."

"Here Gina I bought your favorite dessert, pecan pie." After every fight he would pretend nothing happened and he would do something nice for her or buy her a little present. It was a dance she was getting used to. Screw up and you get something special. Whatever the fight was about it was soon forgotten only to be played out again and again.

She never told anyone about the cutting, always covering up the scars with clothing or make-up for the bruising. She told herself all this would stop once she was out of the damn house.

She was a wild child however and as much as her father tried to control her by force, she still did what she wanted. She started drinking and smoking pot, "It makes me feel good." she would say and her cutting slowed down. She convinced herself that once out of her father's house all this would stop.

She started college in a different state figuring that the further she was away from him she could what she wanted. She soon learned she couldn't do anything she wanted and was thrown out of college on a morals charge. She hid the papers from her father telling him she missed him and wanted to return home and go to the local university. Her father was thrilled she would be coming home. He truly missed her.

Gina's Aunt Louise her father's sister had filled in as a mother surrogate from time to time. She told Gina nothing would be any different with her father. Louise said her brother was just like their father. Louise had been abused by him when she was growing up. Her grandfather even slapped their mother around. She told Gina it was something these men had learned coming from some of the poorer and less educated places in the "old country". They don't think anything of abusing women. My father should have been thrown in jail for what he did to my mother but whenever the cops came, she would minimize whatever went wrong and declare how much she loved him. Nothing was ever done.

Louise had never told Gina any of this, it was the family secret. Louise never married saying she was afraid of men.

Gina's response was that she was not afraid of men and she planned to get married. "Jeez Aunt Louise, you make it sound like we've inherited some weak kind of gene that encouraged us to look for these kinds of relationships. Well, that's not me, she proclaimed.

Louise said nothing but in her heart she didn't agree and she worried about Gina. She thought of Gina's mother. What had driven her to commit suicide. Louise was aware her brother slapped Gina's mother around. They would get into arguments about all the normal things married couples did, but her brother would just get out of control. Just like he was doing to Gina he would end up making up by buying presents or taking her out to dinner. Louise knew all this as her sister-in-law would tell her everything.

Of course, Gina being just like her mother strong willed and never knowing the full story about her parents' marriage continued along her way defying her father until she finally found someone to marry her. She was nineteen, hadn't finished college and she was also pregnant, but her father didn't know that.

Ken, Gina's husband was just a couple of years older, and he seemed to really love her. They had met in college and when he graduated, he got a good paying job and Gina had everything she wanted including a little girl they named Rebecca. Gina was a good mom for the first couple of years but then she became bored being a stay-at-home mom. She decided to get out more and meet people other than boring mothers talking about nursery school. There was a local casino in town open 24-7 and after Rebecca was put on the bus Gina would go there and socialize. She said it gave her that needed "rush" .After all she was home by the time Rebecca got off the bus until one day and oops she wasn't. Rebecca sat on the steps waiting for someone to come home. Ken got home first. The fights began that night and continued until Ken started slapping Gina around. It was a re-run. Slapping, tears and the next day flowers. The cycle was continuing. Gina was used to this, almost expected it and she still stole a couple of hours at the casino every once in a while.

Ken was the first to become fed up with it and said he wanted a divorce. Gina was agreeable as she was never that much in love with Ken.

Gina was to continue in abusive relationships and her alcohol consumption escalated.

Aunt Louise had always stood by her but knew there was nothing more she could do. Rebecca turned sixteen and Louise felt she had to tell her about the family history. In the end she never did feeling too embarrassed by her own lack of courage and her family's abusive behavior.

Rebecca had grown up knowing little of the family history although her mother's name was often whispered among her friends' mothers. Rebecca just thought her mom was the fun mom and these women were jealous.

Louise sat back and watched history repeat itself. She wondered if telling Rebecca would make a difference, it hadn't with Gina. Louise started to wonder are we all genetically hard wired to accept abuse. In the end she did tell Rebecca everything.

Rebecca took it all in always interjecting what she felt was a logical excuse for her mother's behavior. Secretly Rebecca felt her aunt had been jealous of her mother.

By this time Gina was in her fifth rehab. for alcoholism.

Rebecca was now eighteen and pregnant.