As Thick As Thieves

Helene pushed open the barn door, wincing as the hinges squeaked. Her breath was visible in the cold, night air, moonlight spilling into the old wooden structure. She snuck inside and carefully closed the door behind her.

“Shit, it’s dark,” she whispered to herself.

She made her way past empty stalls towards the rear of the building. Eddie had told them that if it all goes wrong, if they got separated, they were to meet up here in Old Fraser’s pigsty at the back of the barn. And boy, did things go wrong.

The job was supposed to be simple. As easy as taking candy from a baby, Eddie had said. Helene was the distraction, her broken-down vehicle partially blocking the road. The hotel porter, Mr Harris, was a gentleman. He would stop to help a damsel in distress. Then, Eddie, Tinker, and Simple would ambush him, point their pistols, definitely not shoot anyone, and relieve him of his briefcase with the hotel’s takings. But there was not supposed to be a second car. There was never a second car. Someone must have sold them out.

The smell of the pigsty hit her like a slap to the face, her eyes watering. At least it was warmer near the pigs. “Where the fuck is everyone?”

The barn doors slammed open as Simple burst through with all the grace of a bull elephant. The beam of his flashlight jolted from side to side as he ran. “Hello?” he called out into the empty space.

Simple’s real name was Simon, but the moniker was well earned.

“Quiet!” Helene whispered as he approached. The beam of light shone in her face. “And turn that bloody thing off! Do you want them to find us here?”

Suitably reprimanded, Simple flicked off the light. “Sorry, Miss.” He always called Helene “Miss”. He told her that she reminded him of his favourite teacher when he was a child. He was constantly being scolded like one, but like a child, it was hard to stay mad at Simple.

“What the fuck happened, Simple?”

Before he could answer her, the barn doors creaked open again. Two silhouettes could be seen in the moonlight. Helene put a finger to her lips, indicating to Simple to stay quiet just in case it wasn’t Eddie and Tinker. God, she hoped it was them.

One of the figures was supporting the other. She could hear one of them dragging his leg in the straw and cursing under his breath. Eddie, that was Eddie! Helene rushed forward and embraced him. “I was so worried, Eddie! I thought they got you!” she whispered, her breath hot in his ear.

Helene had fallen for Eddie not long after she joined the crew. The others couldn’t understand the attraction. Helene was beyond beautiful. She had a face like an oil painting, people would say. Eddie on the other hand had a face more like a Picasso – his nose having been broken more than once.

Eddie winced as she let go and Tinker assisted him to sit on an overturned bucket. It was then that Helene noticed his blood-soaked thigh. “What happened?” she asked.

“That’s what I would like to know.” Eddie turned his attention to Simple. “What happened, Simple?”

The big man crumpled under Eddie’s gaze. “I don’t know, Boss. I did what you told me.”

“I didn’t tell you to shoot that guard!”

“No, Boss. I just got nervous is all. He came at me. I didn’t mean to shoot him.”

“Leave off him,” interjected Tinker. “At least we got away.”

“Got away with nothing!” cried Eddie. “They were expecting us. Someone talked.”

Helene nodded. “That’s what I thought.” She glared at Tinker. “Know who that might be, Tinker?”

“Don’t look at me, Sweetheart.” Tinker growled. I’ve been loyal to Eddie long before you batted your lashes at him.”

Helene smiled sweetly. “You know what, Tinker. You’re a joke. And not a very funny one.”

“Please don’t argue,” said Simple. “I hate it when you argue."

“Shut it!” Eddie hissed. “We need to get out of here before the cops show up.” He looked up at them and sighed. “Separately.”

“Yes Boss.” Simple nodded emphatically.

“Helene, Tinker,” Eddie motioned towards the doors. “You two head out first. I’ll need Simple to help me.”

Helene leaned down and gave Eddie a kiss on the cheek. “Yes, my love. I’ll see you at the airport. We’re still sticking to the plan?” Eddie just gave a curt nod.

Once Helene and Tinker had left through the barn doors, Eddie stood, brushing dirt from his trousers, his leg not giving him any trouble. He grinned at Simple. “Did you manage to switch the briefcase?”

“Yes Boss. I got it earlier and hid it here. Just like you asked.”

“And you tipped off the Police about the rendezvous at the airport?”

“Yes Boss. They’ll be there.”

Eddie slapped Simple on the shoulder. “You’re a good boy, Simple.”

“Thanks Boss.” He hesitated, his brow crinkling. “But Boss, why? Why are we narking on Tinker and Helene?”

Eddie looked surprised. “Didn’t you know? Tinker and Helene have been screwing behind my back. Ever since the Greek job.”

“Oh.”

“They’ll learn the hard way what happens when you screw with me.”

This seemed to satisfy Simple. He tilted his head as he processed that information.

“So,” Eddie said, “where did you hide the briefcase?”

“Oh, the briefcase was too big. So, I took the cash out, and I buried it in the pig pen.” Simple looked pleased with himself. “I thought no-one will find it there.”

Eddie looked Simple in the eye as he pronounced each word carefully. “You put the cash in with the pigs?”

Simple started to worry, concern creasing his brow. “Did I not do good, Boss?”

Eddie snatched the flashlight from Simple’s fingers and leaned over the railing, inspecting the pen. Small fragments of paper, all that was left of the cash, were ground into the mud.

“Sorry Boss.”