Penance for a failed commandment.

I’m writing short stories as a way to practice, take risks, and improve my craft. Any feedback or impressions would be genuinely appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read.

“It’s infuriating how, in one breath, you manage to degrade me and compliment me.

You say you’re grateful you sent me abroad and that I didn’t come back knocked up or infected with rebellion.

No indecency, you say.

Yet in the same breath, compared to those who have done more for their parents, I am inferior.”

“Have I shocked you?

Does the sound of my protest disgust you?

I have been silent for years, so long that you believe me weak and docile to your musings.

Today, Father, hear me scream.”

“You are ungrateful.

You laugh at my sacrifice.

I have no idea who you have become, and I blame your mother.

No child of mine would behave in the manner you have just displayed.”

“I blame myself.

I should have spared myself the burden, because that is what you are.

A blight on my heart.

I struggle every day to give you the best, and yet you have the audacity to speak your mind.”

“If that is what you call it.”

“It is only by God’s grace that I was not given the heart of an avenger.

That I care about my image.

That only in thought have I considered disgracing you.

It is not by your hand that I am who I am today, but in spite of it.”

“We do not answer to the same God.

I cannot fathom how he answers both our prayers when they oppose one another.”

“You confuse obedience with virtue.

You mistake fear for respect.

That is your greatest sin, and you wear it like a crown.”

“I am empathetic.

I understand your plight, just as you use it every day to whip me into submission.

But no more.”

“You speak as if you were wronged.

As if the world owes you gentleness.

“I hardened you so you would survive it.

No one can or has loved you the way I have.”

“Then you failed.

And maybe I do not want it.”

“Dry your tears.

They move no one to action.

They are, and will always be meaningless.

The musings of a spoiled child.”

“It does not surprise me that this is how you categorize the expression of my pain.

Why are you the only one allowed to have feelings?

As if they are a luxury earned through wealth.

Have you ever asked yourself what you did to make me feel this way?”

“Do not answer that.

I know the answer.”

“No more shall I be a vessel for your ego.

If you wish to boast about yourself, leave me out of it.

And in this, I will be the one to teach you that money cannot buy you love.”

“You confuse comfort with love.

You confuse provision with presence.

You confuse authority with God.”

“Do you believe yourself so moved by anger that you cannot control yourself?

Rabid animal.”

“Growing up, I used to dream of the last day we would ever speak.

The worst feelings I have ever known were born in my family.”

“Family is the only reason you exist today.

That you are able to open your dirty mouth and defile yourself, to spit on your blessings.

You do not know life.

If you are to grow and become more than you are today, you have cursed yourself.

You will have no help.

I have failed in my role and will ask God for penance, but you have failed in life by breaking a commandment.”

“Yes.

Exodus 20:12.

‘Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.’”

“And I answer with Ephesians 6:4.

‘Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.’”

“You twist scripture to excuse your resentment.”

“And you wield it to sanctify your cruelty.”

“It is no coincidence that the makers of this world, the changers, the revolutionaries, are those not so rigid that they refuse to adapt.

God knows my strife.

And Father, I am angry.”

“Anger is a luxury of the ungrateful.”

“What do you think that will do to your grace?

To your gifts?”

“We are at an impasse.”

“I agree.”

“Figures only men like you accrue wealth by any means possible.”

“And I see your future plainly.

You, like your mother, are an evil woman, and you will grow to be alone and dejected by all who were unfortunate to love you or call you friend.”

“I will continue to excel at all that I do, like I always have, and I will not think of you.”

“If I am a lesson you have to learn so that the rest of your children do not suffer by your hand the way I did, then maybe that was God’s plan.

I grieved our relationship a long time ago.

In all my efforts, maybe I have finally learned a lesson about men.”

“I am saddened by the lack of control you have over yourself to process your emotions enough to have a civilized conversation with a woman after all your years.

After today, I have no father.

I have had no father other than the Lord, and I will rejoice and be glad in it.”

“I disown you first.

I have known your ilk and tried to train the rot out of your system, but it is for God now to deal with.

I wash my hands of it.”

“I will not miss you.

I have not felt that feeling toward you since I was able to form conscious thought.

I was told once that I would always cry when you held me as a child.

I guess I know why now.”

…

“I cannot believe your dad talks to you like that.”

“That’s abusive.”

“No. He just expects a lot.

To whom much is given, much is expected.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh my God.

Sorry.

Bad joke.”