The First and the Last

The sky has a dark grey, gloomy feel. The wind, the air feels still like before a storm. Rain pelts softly against everything not yet harsh. It's the peaceful yet fearful kind of weather. It's the weather I love and feel drawn to most often. I stand outside under a type of awning to keep the rain from soaking me and bringing coldness. I can hear someone walking, or shall I say running, to the awning. It's not who I expect it to be, but I shake it off without much care. I can feel their eyes on me, their breath is still slightly heavy from running, distracting from the silence. I bring myself to say something, anything to break the unease I feel running even through my bones like electricity.

I clear my throat, "Hi, I've seen you around before. I'm Lolicia." I try to sound upbeat and friendly with a half-smile. They look cautiously at me as if something is odd and they can't place it.

They sigh begrudgingly and let out a small, sarcastic laugh when they talk. "Yeah, you're new here, everyone knows who you are.... What's up with names nowadays? What made you want to come all the way to this place for, anyway?"

I let out a small laugh of discomfort and uncertainty about how to respond to such things. When suddenly their muscles tense up. Their face falls grimly as if they see danger walking on the street. "Are you okay?" I muster up enough courage to show my concern. As I look around, I see some people in the distance, but only one of them really stands out. He's alluring in a haunted way; he's who I stand waiting patiently for. He's Natrix.

They cough not out of sickness, "you're meeting him..." Their eyes dart between the distant him and me. I don't have to speak, and they continue, "Be careful. You don't know what he is, what you're getting yourself into. You should stay away from him. And the others like him there are not good, trust me, you don't yet know, please."

Before I have even a chance to respond, they sprint out into the rain the way they came. In what seems to be the hope of getting far away from him. He's closer, walking slowly and easily through the rain, completely unbothered. The rain has picked up and drips off his face. He looks dangerous but beautiful, making it hard for your guard to hold. It's peculiar, but how could one care?

"Hi, darling." A small, almost like a smirk, appears on his face. Everything makes you melt and let yourself carelessly fall into the unbelievable energy he carries. A big, genuine smile forms without thought on my face as I blush unknowingly. When he laughs lightly, I shyly tilt my head away in laughter. " Aw, you're shy today. Well, that's okay." His smile widens, and I feel something deep within me willing me to run, but I ignore it. Shaking it away as I tell myself it's only due to the stranger's odd predicament. He slings an arm around me, which feels heavy on my shoulders. Unease sets in, but push it away, it's probably nerves, right?

"Are you okay? You seem distracted or off somehow today." Natrix has a concern in his voice now, and looking up its written on his expression. I can't explain the feeling like Deji Vu, like a dreadful thing is coming and I can't stop it. How would I or how could I say such a harsh thing to him?

"Yeah, um, sorry, I don't know, but I'm okay, I promise." I put on a smile, but I can feel that it doesn't quite reach my eyes. He shakes his head up and down, looking at my face and every part of my expression. Something about him feels wrong, I know it, but I refuse to admit it to myself. Trying to believe it's anything but not him. Natrix doesn't seem to notice or doesn't wish to push further on the topic, and my unmatching. Promise, the word practically echoes in my head, but for what I could only wonder for eternity.

I feel a pull towards him, the rain on his face still there but mostly dry. The way his eyes read and scan the entire world with unyielding focus. He looks down at me, though he's not much taller, and I look up at him. Perhaps we might kiss for the first time. I feel nervous, never having kissed anyone, but it doesn't feel like this is the first time. He probably has, which is intimidating, but looking at him makes my mind go blank.

My eyes fall to his lips as I move closer slowly and cautiously. As I get closer, standing as tall as I can, I start to close my eyes. While doing so, I see him start to lean in. Then, before I can think, our lips are together. The kiss is light, soft, but it's as if static buzzes around me, around us. The air feels heavier, thicker, almost suffocating. Unknown fear and panic flood in and won't let me go. I feel a sense of guilt, like I've somehow betrayed myself. I feel trapped in a mystifying place or moment. "Be careful," whispers out from nowhere.

Our lips finally pull away, and my eyes remain closed a little longer as I slowly draw back. Natrix draws back quickly as if it were all imagined by me. When I open my eyes, looking at his face is not quite right. The smile is unnatural draw up as a smirk, his eyes are dark and void. Confusion is my main focus. Then his lips part for a short, mean laugh. Next, he breathes heavily, a dark look settles, " Lolicia, Lolicia, Lolicia, Ohh, you shouldn't have done that. Now you're mine, you'll never be free."

Tears form in my eyes. It comes out as a whispered cry, "What, what do you mean? What's happening?" I feel dizzy, the world spinning. My head feels cloudy, but the fog is lifting to reveal things I already knew. It's fast yet slow, but I can feel myself living this same moment over and over. His dangerous yet beautiful haunts me now, flashing back and forth. Looking up at Natrix, this becomes clear. I'm trapped, reliving this forever. I feel guilty because this is my fault. I'm the one who closed the cage on myself, they warned me. I had warned myself, even unknowingly, I had. But there's no escape. I could scream and cry, run, but it would all be in vain. He looks down at me like he's loving every second of this hurt I'm in. Looking at him now, I find it hard to breathe.

If I had one chance to go back, I would say be careful who you blindly trust. Don't blindly hand out your heart. Don't jump to trust and hand your heart out just for any connection. Make sure the connection is truly worth it. It wasn't him and his nature alone. It was the part of me that wanted connection so desperately, I forgot myself. And listen to the instincts, they don't always mean to deceive you. There's so much more to someone than the thing you first see. But now this is inevitable, and I'm stuck here. I must accept this and keep playing this part, like an animal in a cage. Does he feel any remorse? Who knows, but the questioning won't help it, won't change it. Therefore, now I shall relive my first and yet my last kiss forever.