Crash Landing

The Testimony of Farmer Joe

Yes, officer, I saw it with my own eyes. There was a faint noise, like a distant explosion, followed by a trail of smoke, and I remember it because it wasn’t black or grey – it was red. I’ve never seen anything like that. The tip of the trail was burning as bright as the sun. It was a shooting star, wasn’t it? Seen it on the telly but never in real life. Strange that it happened in daylight. I had to make a wish, for good luck, as they say.

No, I didn’t hear a crash, nor did I visit a crash site – I don’t believe there was one. The shooting star was falling from quite a distance, and I had things to do. It was farmers’ market day, you see. We sell radish, carrots, spinach, and sometimes jam, when the time is right. My wife Margaret had suggested that we sell part of our harvest at the market, and so far we have managed to turn a nice penny every month. Has anybody else seen the alleged shooting star? I can’t be sure. Margaret was busy in the kitchen packing the last bit of vegetables for the market; the sky was clear as glass by the time she came out. I tried to tell her about it but she’d just nodded without looking up at me. I don’t think she heard a word I said. I’d brought it up again at the village pub the other night, and it was Oli who said he also might’ve seen something strange that day. Could’ve been the same thing. At least I know that I’m not going mad!

The Testimony of Oliver the Barman 

I heard a loud bang. I thought it was a gunshot, so I took a quick look out of the pub’s window. I was ready to hide if the shit hits the fan, you know what I mean? But that was it, just one bang and then nothing. Silence. At first I thought perhaps it was a tyre blowout, but there wasn’t so much as a bird out there. I saw a trail of smoke, not too far from the pub. I was all alone that morning, setting up the place for the day. I thought, why not go and have a quick look? It could’ve been a plane crash, or who knows, a UFO. I’ve seen a lot of documentaries on UFOs. They exist, you know. The universe is huge, and there’s no way we’re the only ones around. I mean, what are the odds? I bet the government must have caught a bunch of them, kept them in some secret facilities somewhere out there, and hid the truth from us. It’s all on TV, the documentaries, the evidence! Perhaps we haven’t been able to see them, or maybe they don’t want us to see them, but bloody hell, I’m telling you, they’re out there.

Did I go look for it? Sure I did. I locked up and hurried toward the trail of smoke, which was disappearing fast. No, it was copper in colour, I think. I walked into the woods across the pub. People don’t normally go in there, except to take a piss when they’re drunk. I was surprised to see, deeper into these woods, old tents, campfire rings, and lots of rubbish. Some of those were still fresh. But I carried on, I had to find that UFO. I could spot a wisp of smoke as I looked through the trees, and I knew I was near. All of a sudden, I was hit by a smell. It was like burning plastic. And that was when I thought I saw it – a brown object the size of an old tree trunk. Before I could get any closer, something hit me on the head and all I could remember after was waking up to a woman staring in my face and asking me if I was all right. I looked around for the alien spaceship but it was gone. I asked the woman if she’d also seen it, but all she said was, ‘let’s get you out of here.’

 I swear it was a UFO. It must be, otherwise why would it have disappeared? You must know something about it, don’t you? You are the police. Or do you, like the government, also have something to hide?

The Confession of Convict Dane

I didn’t kill him, did I? No sir, I thought he was the police. I was scared. No one ever comes into these woods; except us. People like us have nowhere to go. We have no money, no home, and our family doesn’t understand the situation. I couldn't help it. I tried to fight it, trust me, but it always came back, no matter how hard I resisted. It has a way of following us, wherever we go. All these years, in and out of prison, it’d always managed to find me once I tasted a bit of freedom. The temptation is something you won’t understand. You think your addiction is real? What have you got? Sugar? Alcohol? Those are nothing. Nothing compared to what haunts me, day and night.

Yes sir, I saw the young man enter the woods. I heard a loud bang. I thought he had a gun. CID officers don’t wear uniforms, and he could've been one of them; you never know. I was returning to my tent when I saw him bashing through the undergrowth. I hid behind a tree and waited for him to pass. He looked into my tent, and then he inspected the area. I thought he was after me. I didn’t want to get arrested again. I’d gotten out only a while ago. My family didn’t want me in the house. ‘You’ve brought shame to this family and we don’t ever want you near the kids,’ mum had said to me on the day of my release. I had no choice but to go look for my old friends. They showed me the tent and told me that I could stay there. I was reluctant at first, but they told me this was only temporary. A tent was better than nothing. Like I said, drugs always had a way of finding us. At least it’d allowed me to escape, even for a moment. I felt invincible. I didn’t need food, didn’t need a fucking home. 

No, the young man didn’t spot me, thank goodness. He continued north. But now that he’d found out where I was staying, I couldn’t risk him crossing my path again. I followed the man, and crept up behind him. At that moment, I panicked and hit him on the head as hard as I could, and ran away.

Did I smell anything out of the ordinary? I don’t know. It wasn’t my biggest concern at the time, was it? The woods smelled like the woods, just like any other fucking day. A fallen object from the sky? Maybe, I’m not sure. A bird perhaps? Your guess is as good as mine.

 Is he going to press charges on me, sir? I didn’t mean to hurt him, I didn’t know he was a civilian. Please, I won’t do it again, I promise. I’ll be good, sir, please just give me another chance.

The Testimony of Elisa the Witch

My name is Elisa Eastman and I am a witch. Oh, I know that look. Witchcraft is as real as the moon that takes over every night, or the flowers that blossom when spring comes. It isn’t against the law to practise witchcraft, is it? No, we don’t want history to repeat itself, do we? Why yes, I was there when the crash happened. I was looking for some sage and yarrow. You’d be surprised at what you can find in these woods. Are there any other witches out there? Would you believe me if I said there are?

Like I said, I was looking for the ingredients for a spell when I heard a loud explosion and then a whizz. Something fell through the trees and landed close to me. I ducked under a small tree, fearing that I might get hit. Leaves started showering down on me. A large object in the shape of a cylinder had crashed into the woods. There was a deafening shrill that lasted for a couple of seconds, and then everything returned to its stillness. I saw it, yes, the black cylinder – a beautiful thing, smooth on the outside and about ten feet tall, standing in complete contrast to its surroundings. A plume of red smoke escaped from the top. For a moment nothing happened. Only the smoke continued to drift upward. There came a rumble, slow at first, and the ground began to tremble. And then the strangest thing happened: it felt like time had stopped. But at a blink of an eye, that thing, quiet as the stars that shine in the night, shot right back up into the sky. No roaring engine – nothing. 

I froze and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I kept staring at the now empty spot among the trees until I heard a cry. There was somebody else in the woods. I found the barman lying on the ground not far from where I was. It took him a while to regain consciousness. He must have fallen and hit his head. It’d have been difficult to explain to someone as to why a woman would be wandering the woods on her own. No one was going to believe the words of a witch.

The strange object? Oh yes, what might it be, I wonder? What do you think, officer?