Who we Shouldn't Trust

Trigger Warnings: Suicide, Murder, Blood, Obsession, Alcohol Use, Psychological Trauma, Death

◇ CALIX ◇

I shove my way through the crowd, my feet stumbling over others. My vision is blurry- I drank too much. My friends have gone to get some water. I don't even know how I got here. The beat of the music pulsates throughout the room as my ears try to leave my body. Lights at the party flash and bang, and I see a flash of red hair in the crowd.

I see her.

Anne.

My pace speeds up as I attempt to catch up to her. But I can't find her. Where is she?

My head pounds with an incoming headache and my eyes turn up to the DJ presiding over the club. He grooves to the music, unbothered by the chaos in my mind. I run towards him and climb the stairs beside the booth. The whole party room is splayed before me, but I don't see her.

I don't see her.

Why don't I see her?

I grab the DJ's mic, startling him, and slurredly speak into the mic, " STOP! Everyone. I have... a question, umm Anne... you...you there?"

Silence.

One girl looks like she's about to answer, but then realizes she's not the Anne I'm talking about. I look stupid as I stare into the distance, my eyes wide with hope, hope that I'll see her again. I don't even feel embarrassed.

A set of hands land on my shoulder and guides me off the DJ's stage.

James, my friend. He looks at me with slight concern. He places a bottle of water firmly in my hands. I gratefully twist the cap open and swallow down the cool water.

"Who's Anne?" he asks. Well, that's odd. I always told him everything- even Anne. Maybe he was just drunk.

"My girlfriend," I reply. A flash of clarity washes over his face, and tears fill his eyes. Why was he crying? He never cried. Drinks do some crazy things to you, I guess.

"Calix, you're drunk, and it's late. Let's go back to our dorms,"

I fight him as he drags me to the car. I can't just leave her at the party. I want to find her. I want to hug her and press my lips to her forehead, to twirl her around as she laughs- a beautiful, carefree laugh- making me like I have found pure happiness in a person. I see my life with her. Why does he keep me away from her? Is she even here? But his grip is firm and he succeeds in dragging me into the car.

The shabby car jostles as he drives through the streets, his knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel so tight. My eyes drift closed, and I fall into the worst sleep I've gotten in a while.

***

My dreams are of Anne. Again.

We're taking a walk in her favorite park- the one where the trees seem to shine specially for her. The birds chirp louder, and it almost seems like she is a princess in the real world. She’s quiet as she admires the view, and I admire her, my heart swelling with the love I feel for her. She spins around one more time- and I scream.

Her eyes are hollowed out, and blood is splattered across her face, her head tilted at an unnatural angle. The forest looks the same behind her, somehow creating an even eerier look. Her mottled hand reaches out for me and I wonder if I'm being haunted by my lover. She stumbles forward and crashes into me, screaming pure fury the whole time.

***

I wake up in a cold sweat, my eyes watery.

I look around- I'm at my dorm. How did I get here? Did James drive me home?

My head pounds against my skull, and I have to run to the bathroom to vomit my guts out. It seems like my brain hasn't stopped hurting for the past decade.

Afterwards, I groggily make my way to the main room, where James sits- watching the TV and eating some microwaveable pancakes.

My footsteps patter against the wooden floor, and James notices.

He pauses the TV and tells me that the pancakes are in the kitchen. I grab some and sit next to him.

He says nothing, so I ask him the burning question I had yesterday. Well, actually for the past week. I haven't seen Anne- at all.

His eyes turn glossy again, and this time I catch note of it. What happened to Anne? He hesitates before answering, "Calix she's...

she's dead. From suicide."

I'm about to laugh at him, but I see the pain in his eyes, the regret. I choke on my next words, and my breathing begins to hitch.

Dead? She was alive last week. Happy. Joyful, even. She never told me about feeling worse. I knew that she had depression, but she had gotten over it years ago. Pain rips through me. Was she faking being okay with me? Why hadn't I done something? I could've taken her out on a date, or maybe talked to her about whatever she was going through. Why did I do nothing?

I feel like I'm being choked- I need air. The pancakes fall to the floor as I grab a jacket and stalk out of the dorm rooms. I put on the jacket and start running around the block. It feels like every little thing reminds me of her.

The dandelions, her favorite flower.

The trees that she loved to sit under - she hated being cooped up inside.

Even the grocery store, the one where I bought her roses and a jar of chocolate for Valentine's Day.

My pace slows down as I run out of breath, and I stick my hands in the pockets of the jacket due to my freezing hands. My fingers brush against a piece of paper.

There's a note.

I pull it out and unfold it.

It's splattered with blood- sticky and shaded a murky red so dark it could be brown.

My hands shake as I unfold it, revealing scribbles of ink.

KILL THE HUMMINGBIRD.

Three simple words, yet my face pales with shock. The avian was an allusion to Anne- she was named after Anna's Hummingbird.

Anne's death wasn't suicide.

It was murder.

I freeze as realization washes over me: this isn't my jacket.

It's James.

I should've never trusted him.

◆ JAMES, 4 DAYS AGO ◆

We walk into the woods, terse silence between us. Anne walks beside me, her red curls falling in front of her face, framing it perfectly. I told her that I wanted to tell her sorry. Sorry that our relationship had to end up like that- her in tears and me wrapped up in fury. It had been a while since then, and she has learned to love again.

But not with me.

With him.

Calix.

She had never told Calix about our relationship, and he thought that we had never met. It was torture, being introduced to her for the "first" time. And to hear him talking about her, to hear her talking about him...

I was done. You could say I've snapped, if this was a story.

I lie profusely as I apologize to her, and I even add a few crocodile tears for her sake. All those years in musical theatre were paying off. She accepts the apology and smiles, yet the anger in me builds up more. I need to get her out of my life.

We stroll further in the forest, and we're so far that the chatter of people has faded to the rustling of trees and the birds chirping distantly. This was such a beautiful place.

Such. a. beautiful. place.

She sits on the fallen tree, almost looking like a goddess of nature. I hate it.

I hate it because she's not my goddess. She's his.

And as I sit beside her, my hand clutches a rock in the ground behind me. Such a small action that she doesn't notice. Her eyes are closed, breathing in the clean air of the woods. She doesn't see me as a threat.

She shouldn't have trusted me.

I feel nothing as my arm swings over my head, the jagged end of the rock lodging in her neck. She screams, but I'm deaf to her cries.

The rock acts as my dagger as I stab her again.

and again.

and again.

And she screams one last word, one last call for help as she fades out of this world.

"CALIX!" her voice cracks as she screams his name.

Too bad he isn't here to save her.

I dig a grave for her in the woods- and lay a rose on her dead, lifeless body.

Now no one will know where she is. No one except for me.

Blood really does look good with her hair.

◇CALIX, PRESENT◇

My brain is short circuiting. I can’t go back- he would be able to tell instantly. I search my pockets and realize that in my hurry, I had left my phone at my dorm.

I want to scream at my stupidity.

I want to break down in tears in the middle of the road.

I want to end it all.

But I can’t.

Instead, I have to learn what happened. I can’t let this monster still be free, the police unaware of his actions. I have to bring her to justice. It’s the one thing I can still do for her.

There’s an awkward moment as I ask to borrow a lady’s phone to locate the police station. I start walking there, stress and grief slowing my steps down and making my shoulders droop.

But why had she trusted James enough to go in the woods alone with him?

She always avoided him… and so did he. Were they dating before? And why had she never told me?

Endless questions swirl around my head, and my subconscious barely recognizes that I’ve found the police. I burst through the doors, and several heads look up at me, seeing the mess that I am. Black hair frazzled in all directions and dark brown eyes filled with tears and distress.

I’m a bloody mess. And I’m not even British.

I struggle to catch my breath as I scream out the ugly truth.

The room goes silent. Then a flurry of chaos follows that momentary peace.

The police are immediately out the door, others aching me where he was, what he did, when I last saw Anne-

Finally, they leave, and I’m handed a glass of water. I throw it away and the glass cracks against the wall. James gave me water too. It’s petty, and I instantly regret my actions.

I’m dehydrated and distressed. I should be drinking water. In all honesty, I’m about to faint.

And just as I think that, my thought slow down, and my vision…I mea…my vision blac…ks…out.

◆JAMES◆

Red and blue light flash across my room, and I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I sit patiently in the living room, hoping to finish this episode before they finally arrest me.

I had done nothing.

Yes, I loathed Anne, but I would never kill her. I’m innocent until I’m proven guilty, anyways. I know that I will find my way out of this. There is always a way out of prison.

And if Calix found out that we used to date, he would want revenge. It’s in his nature.

And what better way to earn “justice” than by killing Anne? Now she will never fall in love with anyone again.

Maybe I’m telling myself lies. Maybe this is what I will tell the police.

I’m glad she’s dead though. I have no remorse, no feelings. She only hurt and hurt and hurt. She hurt herself and she hurt others.

I hear the police’s footsteps pounding as they enter the building.

The ending credits of the episode play, and I stand up and leisurely walk up to the door. I unlock the deadbolt and step outside the room.

They look shocked. I bet that a lot of criminals don’t wait to get arrested. I hold out my arms, and they handcuff me. They eventually get me into the police station.

Look at Calix. So smug, so happy. He’s got his so-called justice. But this isn’t the end of the story. Not while I’m still alive. So I smile back at him as they place me in my prison.

I shouldn’t have trusted anybody.

I won’t make that mistake again.

◇CALIX, 5 YEARS LATER◇

I take a seat in my office. My name badge depicts the words, "Detective Artemas,"

It's all due to Anne.

I got my justice, sure. But it was all too late, she was dead. They still haven't found where her body is. She still haunts me, but now I welcome her ghost. I say all the things I wished I told her, all my regrets and achievements.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm going crazy. Maybe I am.

But none of this would've happened if we were more careful. What a funny thing, trust. So hard to earn, but so easy to lose.

Just like I lost her.

We never should've trusted him.

....

But was it really him?

◆JAMES CALIX, 4 days ago◆

And as I lay a rose on her grave, I think:

They never should've trusted me.