Blind Spots

I'm here. Now what?

This is by far the oddest location I've ever been to for a small-time, can't pay me enough, job. Good thing they paid the absurdity tax. It's not as bad as I remember it. Still has that stale smell in the air from too many junk food concessions. There’s a sort of stickiness to everything I touch. At least I don't have to wear gloves all evening. Too many germ-infested kids touching everything to tell my prints from little Johnny's cotton candy paws.

I don't have fond memories of amusement parks. Not that they scarred me in some type of meaningful way. I just don't like kids all that much. Never really been around them except when I was one. And I wouldn't be human if some of these characters that go roaming around to make some cry and others squeal with joy, didn't scare the bejeezes out of me. Creepy little men in giant land-puppet suits. Doesn't seem natural.

I think I just got shivers.

Ha. That's a first.

Ah yes. The Ferris Wheel. Seemingly harmless unless you're the one dangling from the top seat when a kid who can barely graduate high school decides to stop it at the top.

I’d sat there rocking back and forth.

I prayed, back then.

Weird that I don't anymore.

The thought hasn't occurred to me in years.

But that day I prayed for damn sure.

"God, please make this bar tight enough and locked enough to keep me inside this slow motion death-trap."

Hmph, I guess it worked because it withstood that sudden almost violent jerking motion when I started moving again.

I vowed that little pain in my ass would pay some day. Good thing for him I don't hold grudges.

Enter, scan, check corners, floor, air.

Move quickly, quietly Jack.

Stay low, one hand free, listen, advance.

Plan for blind spots.

Okay, checklist complete.

Next place.

I continue scanning the park from top to bottom. I'm looking inside every nook and cranny. I've even accounted for off limits places I can barely squeeze into. I get staying low. That is a job req. However, crawling on one's hands and knees does not inspire fear. I feel like a toddler scooting around.

An uncomfortable thought begins to meander around in my mind.

I think I'm lurking.

Is this what lurking feels like?

I don't want to be a lurker.

Those dudes are flat out creepy.

Better get up and move on while my dignity is intact.

An old man is cleaning up and averts his eyes with his focus only on the job he is doing. It seems weird that he is the only janitor for such a big park. Maybe I just haven't seen the others. I hope I don't.

It's just after midnight. The breeze is nice and cooling. Especially, considering I'm dressed as a villain in some Bond movie or worse. A cat burglar, no creativity. I'd much prefer wearing a nice Huntsman suit, probably because it's ironic, with one of my Charvet ties that really make my eyes pop. I enjoy amuse-ing myself to pass the time. This is definitely a job for patience. Patience always sparks my imagination.

Before I can envision what I'll do with this particular pay-out, I stop dead in my tracks. I hear something. Small, distant, but still, something. My heart rate slows, my breathing becomes inaudible, my movements remain fast and agile.

Okay pal, I may not have found you this time but I know where you're at.

In the northwest corner of this place.

He just made his first mistake.

There will be more.

Now where was I?

I had hit all the major rides and attractions by then since I was in the farthest corner of the park. It had taken me several hours.

There's only one spot left.

Hell no, I'm not entering that freak-show of a place.

How vain do you have to be to want to?

It's not even the real thing.

Oh joy, I see myself as a fat lumpy short man and now, I'm a really tall grotesque thin man.

No thank you.

Weirdos.

The old guy is still sweeping up the messes which are about as messy as the people who come here. What a thankless profession. He looks alright. Doesn't look straight at me or question why I am here at this hour. He respects my privacy and those are the salt of the earth real people.

I run into him again at the Rambler. No surprise there. The trash cans are overstuffed, and trash is escaping and blowing around everywhere. I think for a second that he may be following me. Job hazard. It's a big park and he's the only one who seems to be here except that other teenage-looking guy. I wonder if his title is "Stocker of Fuzzy Things." He moves fast. He's a guy with somewhere else to be. I find myself rooting for him. Anywhere has to be better than here. But he's moving so fast it must be for a girl.

He walks quickly with intent.

He moves even faster. Efficient.

He minds his business and keeps his eye on the prize.

Ah, nice pun Jack.

This kid is okay by me. Let's keep it that way junior.

I had a girl like that once.

Made me rush to get home to her.

Damn it.

I told myself I wouldn't let Amber get in my head.

She's already taken up enough real estate there for a small town.

But her hair had this honey-colored sheen and to the touch it was like pure silk.

She used to lay on my lap and let me run my rough callused hands down every strand.

Like I was trying to smooth it down.

I just wanted to feel the silk.

And THAT is exactly the type of sentiment I can't afford to have.

Amber, my love, you've got to go.

Okay now I feel normal again.

The kid's moved on and I need to be less conspicuous if I'm going to find this bastard.

He's good. I'll give him that.

But if he thinks he's getting out of here alive.

Well, he's going to get some shockingly bad news.

I'm grinning.

That's disturbing.

I wonder if I do that often.

I keep my two worlds, my two personas, separate for a reason.

I can't let the killer instinct enjoy any part of my job.

Be careful Jack.

I've seen this janitor, what, 6 times now?

This time he looks at me.

What does he want?

Best not to do that old man.

Can't leave witnesses who don't mind their business.

If I have to do it, I should use…

Why is he nodding?

Oh, he's motioning for me to get in.

Does this stranger really want to operate a ride for a man dressed in black that mostly lurks?

Hmmm, maybe I could.

Jack get it together.

You can't afford to lose yourself at work.

But maybe just for this one ride.

It was my favorite when I was a kid.

It's just a boat that swings back and forth Jack.

I wonder if it would still have the same effect on my tummy.

Did I just use the word tummy? This is getting strange.

Screw it.

I nod back.

I liked the guy.

A stranger being kind to me when all I could back then was nod and hope they got it.

This man gets it.

It's not the first time since stepping in here that my memories of this park have come alive.

For good and bad.

Intrusive regardless.

I need to know plus I could use the adrenaline.

I'm getting bored of this.

I don't play cat and mouse.

I pull the door open and walk in.

I feel like I am 4'6" again waiting for my growth spurt to happen any day.

Wishing so the kids would stop ragging on me about it.

They were all tall boys, at least 5'.

I wasn't a twerp.

Those guys were just vicious.

I walk to the back where the action is at. I sit down and pull the bar over my head and onto my lap as far down as I can push it without it crushing my legs. I hear the sound of the lock. I tug a few times.

Okay let's do this old man.

It's happening.

Holy cow.

I'm still pleasantly terrified.

There it goes.

The tummy drop.

I throw my arms in the air on instinct.

I can hear the coins in my pockets fall out onto the ground.

The boat.

Is it going higher than it used to?

Am I grinning like a clown?

Oh well.

Focus. Joy. Lame. Don't care.

In this moment I am living for this!

Oh no. It's slowing down.

Ride is over.

That was the most fun I'd had since the girl and I were together.

Not gonna catch me thinking about her again.

It worked.

My adrenaline has kicked in and I'm pumped.

I nod to the old man and he understands it's meant as appreciation. I quickly walk away and get serious. Swift, controlled, alert. The park becoming less of an enemy.

I'm torn though.

Do I want to lose that feeling?

No, I'm hanging on to this extra dose of energy and finding this punk.

I go through the gallery of games and begin to check inside every booth again.

Low and steadfast Jack.

Left, right, scan every inch.

Nothing. Great. Here I go again.

I hope that teenager doesn't show up.

The last thing I need are two potential witnesses.

I finish the last one and stand upright thinking harder than I'd like to.

I may actually let myself enjoy this one just a bit.

Only because he's making me work too damn hard for it.

I've been in the booths, scouted the arcade lights still flashing, neon everywhere, the smell of dirt, sweat, and nostalgia mingle together.

Bathrooms - check, roller coasters - check, Carousel, Ferris wheel, concession stands. I hit them all.

What am I missing that he can still get into?

No not there.

Anywhere but there.

He's certainly smarter than that if he's avoided me for this long.

I frankly don't know why the guy would want to live a life of looking over his shoulder.

That can only mean one thing.

He's about to turn rat and get the hell out of dodge.

And my one job.

My life's work.

My skills all go into this right now.

My tunnel vision needs to click on like a switch that should have come on right when I walked in.

But it's here now and that's what matters.

I have been playing cat and mouse and he has been winning.

Even worse, I'm letting him.

Damn it Jack you're too arrogant.

If I keep this up it's going to land me in a place I don't intend on going to.

Prison or a grave.

Well, THAT sufficiently motivated me.

It's time and I'm pissed.

I get out of the bumper car and nod to the old man and kid. This is my fourth attempt to recapture what I missed the last time I was here.

I feel kind of bad for just destroying them but I let the old man escape several times and gave the kid his fair share at actually bumping the hell out of me.

I'm shocked the kid had the time to stay but he's nodding and trying not to laugh so he senses the serious side to whatever situation he's stumbled into.

Odd he wasn't scared in the least.

Respect.

We're all nodding goodbye like a group of bobbleheads.

Good.

Time for us to dart off in different directions.

I have a feeling their only direction was to get far away.

Good boys.

That's when I realize I may have to work overtime. My heart or stomach, something inside begins to burn slightly. I ignore it.

Good thing I brought all my tools on this one.

Can't leave evidence behind.

I haven't changed my mind about people.

The things they enjoy are mindless.

Mind numbing even.

People are so bizarre.

I chalk the entire experience up to an experiment.

I don't let myself say, think, or even feel the word fun.

Just the notion of it would make me sick and, possibly, question my identity.

The house of mirrors just became a house of cards.

Who is that guy?

He's making me angry.

How did I get here?

Literally, why am I…

Oh right get rid of Bouncing Bob.

House of cards.

Wait, house of mirrors. Right.

Okay, mental check-list complete.

I disappear blending into the night. The silence is loud. The only sound heard is the sound of the roller coasters creaking.

Jack moves forward into the silence. Takes out the muzzle and screws it to the end of the gun without so much as a faint whisper, motion, or noise. Turning right, he is face to face with him. Himself.

I get it.

Amusement park, childhood, my old man puking his guts out right after the Gravitron, kids from school and bullies.

This is normal.

Childhood places bring back childhood memories.

I knew I was still normal. Human.

Okay, now as a mortal human being how do I stop them?

Get to work Jacky Boy.

As I stood face to face confronting the mirror of my youth, I realized that was the moment. Other adults always stepped up and they did that day just so I could stay longer with the other kids. I was good at pretending to be normal even when I was ashamed, embarrassed, at a loss for what to say or what to do. I answered everything with a nod. I couldn't be bothered to make small talk. It felt artificial. I was a loner with too many people surrounding me.

They were kind people. The kids were relentless but not all of them. Having a drunk for a dad brought its own level of preteen hell.

And with that thought, it had also brought Jack to the self he confronted now. That day he had looked into that same mirror. Distorted. Grinning like he knew something the rest of the world didn't. He found his steel, his resolve, his power, and his drive that day. The kindness of strangers had become more familiar than any actual family interaction. That was the day. He decided he didn't need anyone in that instant. He would make his own way. And he would not feel sorry for himself or anyone else again.

That's when he found the stranger that would change his life. Turn him into the machine he is today. A chance meeting with one of the kid's uncles. "I see something in you little Jacky Boy. I want to let you do some work for me. And if you're any good, like I think you will be, I'll teach you what I know myself. Be at my store 7:30 AM sharp. I'll tell you what I want you to do. How's that sound Jacky Boy?"

I can't believe my stomach still flips and I get chills after all these years.

What is this place?

Is it trying to undo my years of ruthless hard work and hard living?

Not on my watch Jacky Boy.

This would be the first time and last time Jack lost his composure during a job. The mirror cracked into a hundred long jagged beautiful edges. Smooth like a weapon but destroyed like those memories. He knew Bob was probably frozen with fear at that moment.

Old Bouncing Bob’s here.

I can feel it.

I've faced myself and now he will have to face me.

Ah, I feel free again.

Unburdened.

I'll turn this corner and there he will sit.

Probably crying into the palms of his own hands.

And all of this nonsense I've been letting slip into the cracks of my mind will go away.

Then, I will find me and get the hell out of here.

"You shouldn't have run Bob. It only made this feel worse than it had to be. I wish I could say something helpful but truth is it won't matter soon. Nothing I say will matter. One thing I've learned Bob and listen to me very carefully. One thing I've learned without question is there are exactly two types of people. In the end you either pray or you don't. Maybe it helps, maybe it won't. But the universal truth? It's this. It will not make a bit of difference to me. So make your peace or don't."

The next day there was no report of a missing man, no report of a body being found, no record of anything at all on the scanners. I grew more confident about my decisions. Funny how the choices made in the span of 72 hours will set the stage for “Jacky Boy's” next move.

Gotta get to bed early tonight.

Confronting the boss tomorrow.

It will be in his best interest to promote me out of this bullshit gig.

He knows how good I am.

He won't make an enemy of me.

And if he says "no," we both look over our own shoulders for a while.

If he agrees, maybe that annoying boy or man with all the feels goes away permanently.

Job hazard just took on a whole other meaning.