3 am

Maggie looked around in her room. It was clean. Too clean for her.

She had dusted her bookshelf, stacked with books that she'd read at least five times, and she had swept the floors that weren't on her carpet at least three times. She wanted her parents to know that even when she was gone she would still have a clean room.

It was 1:59 am. She could see from the clock sitting next to her bed, on her bedside table, the flashing blue hurting her eyes. First, it was her head, and now it was her eyes. She really couldn't get a break.

She had lined up the pills.

Five red ones, about twenty yellow ones, and a couple other mismatch ones. She had them all in a jar, just ready to claim somebody else.

Before she left, she wanted to write a note to everybody she knew.

Everybody, so that they would know it wasn't their fault for her actions. That's something she'd learned. It wasn't their fault, it was all hers. All hers.

She started with her parents.

The blue lights flashed 2:07 as her hand shook when she wrote on a purple sticky note, with her favorite pen.

Dear Mom & Dad,

Before anything, I'm sorry. I really am. This isn't your fault. I love you, I really do. Please tell Kendall that she can take all of my makeup, and one last time, I won't be mad at her.

I love you, and I miss you already.

-Maggie

It was now 2:13. It took her six minutes to write six sentences, plus her signature and the address. She felt her eyes welling up as the clock turned 2:15. It was Kendall's turn.

Hey Kendall-

Thanks for being the best younger sister I could ever ask for. You know how I always got mad at you if you stole my makeup? Steal all you want now, girl, it's okay.

I love you. I don't say that enough, so I want you to know that I really love you. I miss you already.

(PS- you can also read all of my books, even the ones that aren't okay for your age. Who cares about rules?)

Love, Maggie

She glanced at the clock, as if it wasn't constantly on her mind, and it read 2:24. Nine minutes had past.

It was time for her best friend's letter now.

Luna-

Hey, girl! Please don't stop eating chicken sandwiches just because I'm gone. Tell Emerson that I'm still gonna get him back for that one prank. Just you wait...

Anyway, if I'm writing a note, you probably know why. It's not your fault. I swear. If anything, you were the last thing I was holding onto. I feel sick writing this. I'm going to miss you so much, it's not even funny. Genuinely.

I know you're probably thinking, Maggie, if you're gonna miss me so much, then why do you have to leave? Short answer: I don't want to, but I have to. Long answer: I'm just tired of not being enough. OK, they're both short answers, but whatever. I'm dying anyways, so what matters? You, you matter. KNOW THAT, please. For me.

Wear hot pink, Luna, for me. You know what to do if anybody else doesn't.

I love you so much, and please don't give up after this. It's just me, it's not you. I love you, and I wish that I could stay. I really do, okay?

-Margaret Ann (Maggie Man)

She felt her first tear of the night fall as she signed her nickname for Luna. She had kept it together during dinner, during her shower, while getting ready for bed. During her last time eating dinner. Her last time taking a shower. Her last time getting ready for bed. Sure, she felt like sobbing, but somehow she didn't. But now she was.

Her hands shook uncontrollably now, as she saw the clock, flashing the numbers 2:41. She put her head in her hands, her stomach hurting from the weight of it all. She felt like screaming, like throwing up. But she didn't. She sat silently, her sadness eating her out from the lungs. It was all too much.

The screen now flickered, and Maggie remembered that she hadn't replaced its batteries since three weeks ago, when the thoughts flickered like the dying clock in her head.

Now they flashed all the time, nonstop. That was why she was writing letters.

Now she was writing a letter to her Emerson.

Emerson-

Hey dude. Well, my time came. One day, I'll get you back for that last prank. Man, it was a great one. We laughed until we were both gasping for air and tears were streaming down your face. I'll never forget that.

Remember when we fake dated for like a week in sophomore year? Yeah, that was WILD. But I still love you, okay? And I'm not afraid anymore to say it. I love you, little guy.

I'm gonna miss you and your stupid prank wars for a lifetime (even though this one is over), and when you come up here with me (or down, I dunno at this point), we're gonna have the best days of our lives all the days of our lives. That's how much I love you.

-Maggie <3

Her fingers shook a little, causing her M to be a little crooked. It was 2:53. Seven minutes to 3 am.

She looked at the jar, and she grabbed it, settling her shaking hands.

She opened her water bottle, looking at some of the stuff Luna had doodled on it the other day. A heart with an arrow stuck through it, and a flower. Luna was always perfect at drawing flowers.

She swallowed hard. 2:55 am.

One red, two yellows, and one mismatch down at 2:56.

She clicked her pen shut at 2:57.

The tears stopped flowing at 2:58.

She grabbed a handful of them at 2:58:39.

She downed them all at 2:59:03.

The world finally stopped spinning at 2:59:58.

At 3 am, well, 3:01:23, she finally said goodbye.

To her parents, who would curse themselves for having all those pills, even if she had told them over 100 times that it wasn't their fault.

To Kendall, who would never steal her makeup because she couldn't even bring herself to go into Maggie's room.

To Luna, who would stop eating chicken sandwiches even though Maggie told her not to.

To Emerson, who never played a prank again.

To everybody who ever mattered to her, who would never get to see her again.

Three days later, at 5 pm, she had a funeral. Her ashes were spread at her favorite campground, all of her memories floating around in the air. Emerson watched in silence. Luna was holding onto his hand like it was the last thing she would ever hold onto.

Everybody who got a note held it. Held it like it was Maggie in their hands.

The way she curved her L's, the way she carelessly went into cursive.

They all traced her signature over and over, silently singing along her favorite song, which was played at the beginning and at the end of the funeral.

They all felt stuck in 3 am.

Luna lost herself scrolling all the way to their first messages, back in 8th grade. She read all of their messages. It took her five hours, but it made her smile. Then laugh. Then cry. She missed Maggie so much, but she still read the note everyday, and she even wore a hot pink dress to the funeral. People gave her weird and pitiful looks, but she didn't mind. This was Maggie they were having a funeral for. They all should've been wearing neon, but it was only her, Emerson, and Kendall was wearing a hot pink headband, so it counted.

Emerson wore a blue hoodie that Maggie gave him everyday. It still smelled like her, magically. He still had the bucket that was involved in his last prank on Maggie. She seemed so happy with him. Based on her letter, she was so happy with him. She wanted to be happy with him, and he wanted to be happy with her forever. He never got to say 'I love you' back. He did earlier in his life, but not when it mattered most. He still said it to her hoodie, and her note, though. Even if it wasn't Maggie in the flesh, it was as close as he was going to get to saying to her.

Kendall finally went into Maggie's room about three weeks after the funeral. It was like Maggie had never left. It was insanely clean, though. That wasn't exactly like Maggie, but it was close. She almost never had a mess in her room. Kendall looked at her bed, the pale blue sheets covered by a soft pink blanket. Kendall was always obsessed with that blanket. It was so soft. She remembered curling up in it, when Maggie would read her a bedtime story. She smiled, remembering how Maggie would do the funny voices. Man, Kendall loved Maggie. Maggie loves Kendall.

Kendall, Emerson, and Luna all went to the campground where Maggie was.

They all had their own way of loving Maggie.

They all stood there, Emerson wrapping his arms around his waist, squeezing the blue hoodie that he now filled with Maggie's favorite place. The scent of pine trees whispered in the air, and the faint smell of fire lingered in the air from the bonfire behind them.

Kendall had worn that hot pink headband, that was actually a gift from Maggie when they were twelve and ten.

Luna held her note tight, along with the others, who hadn't thrown it away or even thought about doing that for the two months.

They all shivered as a burst of wind blew.

"Love you, Maggie Man," Luna said.

"I love you, dude." Emerson said.

"Love you forever and ever, girl." Kendall said.

"We miss you, Maggie." They all said together.

"We love you, Maggie." They all said together.

*author's note: please note that this story is entirely fictional. if you or somebody you know is experiencing this, please do not hesitate to contact 988 (Suicide & crisis helpline). there are countless other resources online and in other areas, please just know that this story is fictional.