Warning Signs

9:00am

I'm cold. The air-conditioning is unfriendly but my boss likes it that way so....what can one do? The rain outside is in its own spiral mode; violent and then calm, continually. I hate the rain.

Our coffee machine's been broken since last week and I don't get why fixing it isn't a priority. They work us to the bone and design our contracts to manipulate us into 'going the extra mile' all year round, but they won't fix a lousy coffee machine to our convenience. Unbelievable.

9:05am

I'm still annoyed over walking to the kitchen and returning without my cup of coffee but these hunger pangs won't let up. I need a fix, fast. I stand at my desk and look at Miranda's office. She's not in yet. Super. I walk towards the elevator and press the downward arrow. The guy who works at the café downstairs is friendly and I do need the coffee. Maybe I'll grab a muffin and waste away the rest of the hour before our meeting with Miranda. I'm not proud of the thought but I wish she'd fall off her high horse and literally break a leg so we postpone the meeting.

9:08am

I get downstairs and follow the concentrated aroma of Jacob's coffee. The friendly guy is fixing a coffee and I imagine it's mine, we're married and I'm waiting on it in bed. I smile when I get to the counter and push up my bra before he looks up, at me. He smiles back but there's a shyness I don't understand in his expression.

Miranda wobbles out from a door that's a few feet away from my coffee guy, buttoning her shirt.

"That was incredible", she says.

9:11am

"Aaaaaah! Aaaaah! My eyes!" Miranda screams. Her voice has pitch. Who would have known? The dominant, demonic voice she uses in the office to demean us is not in her employ today. Pity! Perhaps it'd have been her saving grace.

I don't know where my friendly coffee guy ran off to but he's no longer here. Miranda is squinting and crying on the ground, her black and white skirt makes her look like a figurine on display against the glossy black floor tiles. Hate that! I want to pour another cup over her skirt out of spite but there isn't one nearby.

9:16am

I don't know where the strength comes from but I lift the stool that's between her body and mine and throw it over her.

"You just want to have everything and everyone to yourself, huh?! Can't leave anything for us, peasants right?! You disgust me!"

I pick an item off the couter, and throw it at her. I think it was a decorative bowl. I hear it hit her bone and then shatter. The white shirt she hadn't finished buttoning has red stains in some areas. Her hands are over her head and she's curled up like a fetus. What a satisfying sight.

I'm throwing all the items on the counter at her now. No leniency for the tyrant boss who's sleeping with my friendly coffee guy. He was the one thing she didn't have that I could. So I thought.

9:21am

"Ma'am! Drop it! Now!"

I don't know when this policewoman arrived but she’s trapping my arms behind me and I release the spoons in my hand. I don't really care about what's going on now. I've done my damage and it was worth it. I watch the paramedics helping the wicked witch Miranda to her feet. I got her face really good and her right leg is swelling by the second. Good. She won't be targeting my coffee guy anytime soon. Although, I don't feel like he's mine anymore, not that he ever was. It's comforting that he'll probably get fired and never see her again.

9:30am

The policewoman who smells like strawberry yoghurt and flowers turns me to the entrance and shouts to her partner to take me to the vehicle. What an exciting morning. I smile at the thought of my colleagues not having to attend the meeting anymore. I'm pretty sure Sam will leave the second he hears what happened, and spend the rest of the day with his clingy girlfriend who he's yet to hate.

It's not raining anymore, another sign that Miranda deserves what I did. The world would be a much better place without bosses in it. I don't think there's any boss who's better than Miranda, clearly the position just turns people into the worst versions of themselves. I imagine the large paycheck endorses this. What do bosses even do besides taking credit for work they haven't done?

9:40am

The police station is stuffy, boxes are stacked in every corner and the walls need repainting.

"Rose Sullivan. You're being charged with battery and intent to cause grievous bodily harm". the fat and ugly policeman tells me.

I watch a lot of crime shows and this performance is extremely underwhelming. I'm assuming I should feel scared right now, and remorseful but I'm just sad I can't be at the office to hear my colleagues chant my praises. We all hate Miranda but they're too afraid to say it.

The policeman hits the table to get my attention and my lack of shock irritates him.

"What is it with you people in corporate? One minute you're toasting to successful fraudulent deals and the next you're trying to kill each other. It's sick!"

I can tell by his tense jawline that he's displeased with my lack of emotion but his attempts to provoke me are weak, much like his lungs. I can't imagine the extra miles they have to go each minute just keep him alive. I smile at him so he thinks I'm really crazy and leaves me alone. I told the policewoman who drove me here that I'd wait for my lawyer before saying a word.

And in my waiting, I ignore the fat man and ponder what's next for me since I'm definitely fired as of an hour ago.