Platinum Clouds

Some days, the constant white that covers Atlanta in the winter makes me tired, but today, there is a contentedness to it. As I sit here and wait for the storm, I can’t help but remember how I used to feel as a school-age child.

Waking up early and watching the TV, waiting for my school’s name to scroll across the screen, the sweet relief of a whole day off once it finally did. I always thought about how much stuff I was going to get done that day, and I never did any of it.

Instead, I sat there playing video games and loading up my six-album stereo system, spending the whole day lounging in the crescent-shaped gaming chair my mom bought me.

Today is one of those days, but in adult life.

An ice storm is heading our way - apparently more massive than my city has ever experienced. Our county only has a handful of snowplows; it’s mainly warm here throughout the year, so we just hunker down and get through it. The food aisles are empty of bread, water, and milk. The roads are nearly clear of cars, and everyone is snuggled up and ready for whatever comes.

The first time I moved to Atlanta and had this happen, I couldn’t believe it. Everyone told me it’s because of the Snowpocalypse that happened one year, but I still couldn’t fathom that everything shut down for flurries.

Coming from the north, I'm used to going to work in three feet of snow. Down here, people are calling into my job, wondering if they're going to get the day off.

I really don't mind it much. An excuse to take some things off my schedule, stay at home with my wife and daughter, and hang out in our pajamas all day. The world needs more moments like that.

Still, it's hard when there’s nothing but weeks of silver and white skies. I start to take things for granted. It’s hard not to when your mind is constantly thinking about how it’d be better to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie right now, or play a game, or write a story.

Every time I have to step out of my house and leave the family behind, I feel it in my heart. I put on a stoic face, as I'm sure so many others do, to get through the day. But my thoughts are always on a life with more freedom. Less slavery to the clock. More time with the ones I love.

You blink, and before you know it, thirteen years have passed by. You find yourself with a kid, a project on the back burner, and a little bit of regret. It really is true when the adults tell you as a child to “enjoy your free time.”

Sometimes, it makes me sad; Sad that the world has to be so busy in order to survive. We’ve gotten used to being imprisoned by money nowadays. I know people would have it differently if they could, but sometimes I wonder if it’s too late for us.

We’ve started to believe, in our collective consciousness, that there is no other way. If I don’t work, I don’t pay my bills. If I don’t do that, I lose my home, my car, my TV, my phone, my gaming system. All of my favorite things… gone.

The corporations and governments have too much influence over us. Our comfortable lives- the ones that allow me to sit here and ponder like this- mean more than the suffering created. We’re okay with forgetting about everyone else as long as the “I AM” is taken care of.

I can’t lie. I benefit from time to time. I try to remind myself to be grateful, to think about the fact that there are people who can’t simply go to the store and buy fresh food, or pour water from a faucet. Some days I fail.

I wake up, and I can’t see anything but what I lack, or where I want to be, and where I’m not. I have so much on my plate, and now with a new child, barely any time to get it done.

It's always on my mind, even at the end of the day. I try to put it down, but no matter what, there's a gnawing in that creative spot in my brain.

When I was younger, I used to stack my schedule with four productions a week, run around town with my friends, or chase down girls I was interested in, all to silence these thoughts.

This work until you're dead culture had me chasing something unrealistic. I didn’t believe in things like morning rituals or meditation. Now, a cup of coffee every day is a must.

That’s what finally made me slow down, the simple joy of drinking a coffee and sitting on my back porch watching the sun rise. It made me realize the connections we all share, and if nothing else existed- our busy schedules, our jobs, the economy- those moments still would.

Something as simple as the shows we find nostalgic, the way we get drunk and talk about the great beyond, the familiar feelings of childhood when we look at the snow falling silently.

When we look up and see the stars, when we sit down and bring something to life from our minds, and when we work together to make another life better. We don’t just do it. We feel it.

That’s how I know we all are out here searching for the same thing.

All these thoughts, and so many more, are why I have to sit and be grateful for days like today. Days where I can wake up and pour myself a nice cold brew, and stare out the window into the platinum clouds.

As the first drops of winter begin to fall, I know tonight and tomorrow the entire place slows down, and it won’t just be me and the words on this page.