Winter Secrets

Winter Secrets

By Cher Stonestreet

I can see out my front window the snow has started falling . The flakes are big and fluffy. If we get enough snow, this will be great for the children sledding and making snowmen. I wonder what I’ve done with the scarf and hat we always used when we made snowmen? Maybe it’s in the basement in a storage tub. Why do I keep things like that? They are of such little use. Who is going to want that? Not Sabrina; she never liked playing in the snow. Maybe her boys would like them. I must stay conscious.

If I could scoot over more, closer to the window, maybe I could reach the windowsill and hold onto it so I can stand up. I could swing myself into the chair. The pain is going to be horrible; it’s horrible now, but then I could reach the telephone. It’s so cold on this floor. At least I haven’t wet myself, but I’ve been shivering for a long time now, and the longer I lay on this hard floor, the harder it is to breathe. How long have I been laying here? I can’t see the clock, I can only hear it ticking. Small short breaths.

The last thing I remember was walking toward the front window to watch the sunset. It was glowing such beautiful pastel colors. And now it’s dark except for the moon that is shining in. My lamp isn’t on. None of my lights are on.

I must have tripped on the edge of the rug. I don’t remember, but the pain in my hip is throbbing and I can feel that my leg is swollen. One slipper has come off and my foot is bare. My foot is very cold. From what I can see, my foot and leg are turning purple. I must have broken my hip. A broken hip, the beginning of the end.

“The beginning of the end, huh, Dale? That’s what you used to always say. And here I am. Instead of staring over the edge of a cliff at the end, I’m looking up from the floor.

“I’m a coward, Dale. I never told her. I know, I know, we should have told her when she was old enough to understand. But time kept moving and it never seemed like the right time. And now, if I tell her, will she forgive me - us - for not telling her sooner? I need her now, Dale. Sabrina and her family are all I have left. You’re gone. Our little Michelle is gone. My sister…

“But here we are in December and her birthday is coming up. Even that is a lie.

How do I tell Sabrina that her actual birthday is really two days later, on the 12th, and not the 10th? How do I tell her that she’s my niece and not my daughter?

“All these years we were able to keep that family secret that Darla and I were pregnant at the same time and we delivered two days apart. The story that Sabrina knows is that Darla lost her baby and I was the one who got to come home with a beautiful daughter. We always said Darla lost her baby because she drank heavily and ran around with the rough crowd. The guy who got Darla pregnant was no good and ran off, so it was horribly sad, but maybe for the best. Darla couldn’t raise a child. Everyone knew that, especially Darla. But the truth was, we lost our little Michelle and Darla gave us Sabrina. And we wanted a child so badly, didn’t we Dale? We agreed with Darla that we would call her Sabrina. That was her only price. She wanted to name her. We didn’t even legally adopt her.

“We just used Michelle’s birth certificate because it was easier. It had our names as her parents. We told her her legal name was Michelle, but we liked calling her Sabrina - lots of parents have pet names for their children. It was never questioned. People didn’t question things then. But now, I don’t think I can answer all the questions. It seemed so perfect. Isn’t that enough? I know it’s not. I’m a coward, Dale.

“I’m a coward, and maybe I deserve to end this way. Did we try hard enough to help Darla? She kept going deeper and deeper into her addiction. We didn’t want her around. She stole from Mom and Dad, and she broke their hearts. We couldn’t have her around. She brought dangerous people into our home. There was no telling what they had in mind. I was relieved when they found her. Maybe this is what I deserve.”

I can’t pull myself across the floor, my arms are too weak. I’m getting scared that I’m not going to be able to get to the window sill. Neither one of my legs are moving. Everything is stiff. I must have hit my head. My head is throbbing, too. I can feel a lump on my forehead. “Oh Dale, help me!”

The clock. The clock keeps ticking. I get so disoriented when I don’t know what time it is. I must stay conscious. I can’t give up. I have to stay awake. I have to try to get up and get to the telephone. I don’t want to go yet. I’m not ready. What can I do to stay up? I can sing. I can hum. The throbbing in my head and my hip is getting worse. If I hum or sing, it could be a distraction.

The neighbor’s orange cat is on the window sill looking in at me. Morris, my little friend. “Get help, Morris! Get help!” I talk to that cat like it’s a person. If only he were. “Get help, Morris” He’s gone.

It must be getting late. The furnace isn’t kicking on any longer. The temperature is set to change at 10:00 pm. It must be after ten now. The moon has moved and it isn’t shining through the window as brightly anymore. I can’t see if it’s still snowing. I think I can see stars. The clouds must be clearing. It’s going to get colder.

The clock. The clock. The ticking. Short breaths. Stay awake. Try…

I must have fallen asleep. What time is it? It’s still very dark. It must be deep into the night by now.

I believe I’ve wet myself. My skin is burning down there. My side feels wet. I can’t see anything. I’m able to get a little closer to the windowsill. But I have to give up, for now. The pain. I’ll keep trying. A little at a time. I’ll keep trying.

The telephone is ringing! It must be so late, but the telephone is ringing! I can’t reach it.

“Hello! Hello! I’m here! I’m here! Help! Please, help!”

Oh my God, I’m so cold! The telephone keeps ringing!

“Oh please! Hello! Please!”

It’s stopped. It stopped ringing. How many times did it ring? I didn’t count. Who? Who is calling me now? Oh, I’m so cold. It hurts to shiver. Everything hurts! My leg feels enormous.

Is that someone outside? Flashlights are shining in the window. The clock! It’s just after midnight! Someone is knocking! It’s Sheila from next door! She’s looking in the window! “Sheila! Sheila! Help!”

A key is in the lock! Oh thank God, I gave her a key! “Sheila!”

“Delorise! Oh my God! Are you alright? I saw Morris at your window and your lights never came on tonight. You always come to the window when he does that. I tried calling; when you didn’t answer I had a feeling something was wrong.”

“I’ve fallen. I think my hip is broken. I’ve wet myself. I can’t get up. I tried to get up. I’m so embarrassed.”

“Oh no, Delorise. No, don’t be embarrassed. You’re brave. You’re very brave. Let’s get some lights on and I’ll call for help. You’re safe now. You’re safe. You must be freezing. Here’s your throw. Don’t move. We’ll get help.”

“Thank you, Sheila. Thank you. You are my hero tonight.”

“You can thank Morris. If he hadn’t been sitting in your window looking in at you, I wouldn’t have noticed anything unusual.”

“Thank you both. My dear friends.”