Standing in the middle of the desert, the hot sun blazes down on my neck, making sweat roll along my spine and soak my beige collared shirt. Squinting at the cave, once a prestigious temple according to Nana Ann’s journal, I sigh heavily.
Sand burns my skin as the wind kicks up tiny particles into the air, but I ignore the pain in favor of assessing the map in my hands.
That is short-lived, though, when I hear a deep voice shouting my name.
“Eliana, I believe we’ve uncovered something!” Alex calls, capturing my attention.
My eyes focus on the young man who is waving excitedly. Alex beckons me with frantic flicks of his wrist, prompting me to snatch up my head-mounted flashlight, and I begin trudging forward.
Tucking the map into my back pocket, I trek cautiously over a dune, attempting not to trip over my feet. I stumble a bit while sliding down the dune, nearly biting the dust as my combat boots sink into the sand, but two strong hands catch me before I can faceplant.
“Whoa there, tiger! Careful, Ellie,” Alex snorts as he steadies me.
Laughing awkwardly, I huff loudly, rolling my eyes at the way the blond pokes fun at me, and I flash him a glare, saying, “Haha, very funny, Alex.”
Straightening my back while squaring my shoulders, I continue, asking, “What have you got for me?”
“Well, you know how ancient Egyptians did their best to conceal their most precious valuables behind puzzle doors or compartments?”
“Yeah, I do. That was an extremely common practice for them to secure riches for the afterlife, Alex.” I reply matter-of-factly while we enter the cave, head-mounted lights on.
“Of course, of course! Well, Cassidy suspects that she and Martin came upon one of those compartments,” Alex concludes as he guides me to where Cass and Martin are gently dusting off a portion of the far wall.
When my best friend pauses to look at us, a wide smile breaks out on her face, her hazel eyes lighting up despite the heat exhaustion, and Cass begins rambling a mile a minute.
“Oh, Ellie, I cannot fathom this, though I suppose it is true! Martin and I were searching for hieroglyphs or vases and pots along this wall since it seemed hollow, but I discovered something even better, look!” Cassidy snatches my hand and drags me along with her, pointing out a section of the wall seemingly off-centered, and she lifts my hand up to the sandstone.
Allowing Cassidy to maneuver me how she wants, I am taken by surprise when the smallest of drafts comes from the wall to tickle across my palm, which there shouldn’t be, considering how hot the cave is.
“There’s something here, Cass!” I squeal avidly, eyes wide with barely-contained eagerness.
Cassidy nods vigorously, making me grin at her, and without hesitation, I set about identifying where the trapped door could be opened.
Pursing my lips, I concentrate intensely, blocking out any outside noise, and whisper a quiet prayer to the Maker above for guidance. I reach over my head, feeling around for a few long seconds until my fingers slightly brush across a lip in the stone, and I immediately raise myself on my tiptoes, grasping the protruding stone to tug on it.
The secret door doesn’t budge right away, though, which forces me to yank a bit harder. My actions cause the lip to finally give way to my weight and effort, and I cheer softly.
An obnoxious grinding fills the cave suddenly, reverberating off the sandstone, and I cough as dust wafts into my face. Batting away the clouds of dirt, I narrow my eyes while the false wall slides away, which reveals a dark room to my vision, and a rich scent of incense and myrrh drifts into my nostrils.
Inhaling deeply, my lashes flutter, my heart picking up speed and hammering into my ribs, and I swallow thickly, the aroma of the myrrh, incense, and sand evoking an unexpected reaction from me.
Swaying slightly at the smell of the rich fragrance, my surroundings begin bleeding away and are replaced with orange-gold light flickering within the room, making my brow furrow in confusion, and I wonder what is going on.
“My queen, are you sure this is necessary? You have a long life ahead of you,” a soft voice says, pulling my attention to the sound, and my head turns, gaze locking onto a dark-haired, young woman adorned in gold jewelry and expensive silk.
“I must do this, Tey. My time in this body is rapidly coming to an end, and I wish to prepare for my next vessel,” I inform the woman, though I am caught off guard by the sound of my voice.
The words were coming from my mouth, slipping off my tongue with practiced ease, but the tone and how I speak are not my own.
It was strident, yet mellifluous.
Honeyed, but harsh and commanding.
And most of all, it was still feminine.
“Yes, but—”
“No, Tey, there is no time to discuss what might be or could be. My reign over this land shall be terminated within a fortnight, maybe longer if the Maker allows, which means I have to do this now.”
My response is clipped and sharp, with no room for argument. Striding forward, body moving fluidly, I approach an altar of some kind, a bust sitting proudly atop it.
Incense and myrrh danced around the room, blanketing me in comfort and warmth as the torches that lined the walls chased away the darkness. The smells dragged me further into this memory, and, as my hands reached up, I removed the necklace that encircled my neck.
“My queen, if you leave the necklace here, you will be unable to access your divined abilities. You will be helpless against foes and attacks. Are you sure this is a good idea?” Tey questioned, her painted, bronze skin shimmering in the firelight.
“I am sure, Tey. I must think of my people and do what is best. My successor will find this when the time is right, and I will be whole once again.” I reassured the girl, hands arranging the Lotus necklace on the bust with delicate hands.
“If this is how it is to be, then I shall trust you, my queen.”
Tey relented as I swiveled to look at her, though as I do so, my reflection is what greets me instead.
Dark eyes, full lips, and a beautiful face are what stare back at me.
Gold jewelry is draped over my curvy, lithe frame, and even though I am sure it is not me, a smile twitches at the corner of the woman’s mouth.
“Follow the incense and myrrh, Eliana,” the woman spoke, urging me to follow the aroma that surrounded me, and I attempted to reply, lost and confused by what she meant.
“Follow? Follow what—”
“Eliana!”
A large hand on my shoulder yanks me from my dream-like stupor, a shriek escaping my lungs as I jump about three feet into the air, and my wild eyes land on Alex as he grips me tightly.
“What’s wrong? Ellie, talk to me! What is going on?” The man’s muffled, concerned tone fills my ears and grounds me swiftly.
Face twisting into a grimace, I raise my left arm to press the heel of my palm to my forehead, and I shake my head, doing my best to focus on Alex’s previous inquiry and not the odd waking dream I experienced.
“Uh, nothing’s wrong. Ah, I must have spaced out, but I’m okay now.” I dismiss Alex flippantly.
“Are you sure? It was as if you were in another world, Ellie,” Cassidy pipes out, her wary eyes coming into view.
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s a headache, Cass. I’ll be alright,” I murmur, smiling softly at her as I put on the most convincing expression on my face that I could muster.
Both Alex and Cassidy flash each other a look of skepticism before fixing their eyes back on me, which has me thinking that they aren’t convinced that I am telling the truth, but they sigh simultaneously and shrug.
“If you’re sure, we won’t push it. Drink some water, though. Please,” Cass demands, sticking a finger at me and poking my shoulder to get her point across.
“Of course,” I agree, nodding in understanding.
Alex and Cass seem satisfied, allowing me to breathe as they get back to what they were previously working on, but I spin around to assess the dark room we had just exposed.
Turning on my headlamp again, I creep into the dusty room, inhaling slowly as the scent of incense and myrrh fills my nose, and I do as the mystery voice had urged me to do, following the aroma of perfume.
Inching deeper and deeper into unknown territory, I feel around with my hands, consciously making an effort to use my waking dream as a lead, and while feeling along the far right wall, I stumble upon one of the torches I had seen.
As quickly as I can, I pat the pockets of my cargo pants until I produce a lighter my grandfather gave me, and I flick it open and strike it before lighting the torch. Heat from the lit torch warms my face as it bursts into flames, illuminating the room much better than my little light, and I swivel around in awe, taking in the shimmering area.
Examining my surroundings, I take in the familiar sight of the space, though I note that nothing from my dream has remained aside from the altar and the bust, both of which are now crumbling and are not in their prime anymore.
With the perfume lingering in the air, I allow the smell to carry me further into the chamber. My eyes focus on the bust until I notice something hanging from around its neck. With a furrowed brow, curious about the necklace, I do not make any assumptions yet.
When I am standing before the bust, I lean down to blow away the dust that has collected on the stone for the last few centuries, and it billows away without much energy used on my part.
“Oh, my heavens,” I whisper, wide eyes taking in the Lotus necklace I removed from my neck in the memory, and I instinctively reach my hand up to touch the jewelry.
Delicately, I unfasten the golden cord from the bust, thumb rubbing over the rune pendant, and my heart skips a beat at the sight of the gorgeous necklace. Hieroglyphics are etched neatly on the gold, telling a story—I did not know of at the moment—and showing how valuable it was.
I chuckle softly, amazed by the accuracy of the memories that were not my own, and relief washes through me at this newest secret being revealed.
“Cassidy, Alex, Martin! Come look at this!” I shout over my shoulder, my voice carrying through the cave.
Within a few minutes, three sets of footsteps approach me, and Martin’s voice fills the space, asking, “What did you uncover, Ellie?”
“This necklace. I am not completely confident in my theory, but I think this necklace could be Nefertiti’s,” I said as I held it up for my team to observe.
“I swear nothing was in here!” Alex exclaims incredulously, “How did you come to possess it?”
“It was here, Alex. I don’t know how, but it wanted me to retrieve it, I suppose.” I admit, fingertips tracing the grimy gold, and I smile triumphantly.
“You should take it to the lab. Maybe you can date it and figure out if it truly could be Nefertiti’s possession,” Cass suggests, to which I bob my head curtly.
“You’re right. It’s time to find out if my gut is correct.”
With that, I march towards the door, making my way out of the once-hidden chamber, and I head out of the cave to assess the necklace in better detail.
If my memory serves me well, I am certain this necklace really does belong to Nefertiti, and that means we are getting closer to unearthing her final resting place.
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Such a neat twist in the middle there - that hooked me in. This does feel like an intriguing opening to something that could be longer if you decide to expand! Definitely an interesting take on the prompt!
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Thank you for the encouragement! I'm happy you liked it so much😊
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The story is so well written, Indigo - it hooked me from the very start. While I was reading, I felt like I was in a 4D movie theatre: the scenes vividly playing, I could smell the scents and sense the heat on my skin (and not just because it’s summer where I live :)), the chair shifting with the grinding, the dust making it hard to breathe, and I felt the thrill of discovery while sharing in Eliana’s confusion after her vision/flashback.
I thoroughly enjoyed your writing. Please continue the story; I need to know what happens with Eliana next. :) Thank you for sharing this piece!
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I am so glad you loved it! I was hoping I brought this story enough to life for others to experience what I felt while writing this piece. I will definitely do my best to continue this story, though I'm not sure quite yet!:)
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A real sensory experience— caught between history, dreams and the present, and the intoxicating scent of incense and myrhh. One of my favourite subjects — the mysterious world of ancient Egypt. I too enjoyed the dialogue.
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I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I love the mysteries of ancient Egypt and wanted to bring that to life:)
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Great story-telling, Indigo. You've got the building blocks in all the right places and your handling of dialogue is very accomplished. I do love a good adventure yarn, so keep 'em coming!
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Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed my little adventure story!:)
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Strongly written: the vision transitions convincingly into the archaeological action, and the scent trigger (incense and myrrh) works beautifully as a sensory anchor through which the past bleeds into the present. One small note: some dialogue leans toward explanation where the scene already carries itself — you could trust the imagery and Eliana’s physical responses more, trimming a few explanatory lines to sharpen tension and pacing.
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Thank you so much for the feedback!😁
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Great sensory story. Thanks for following me.😊
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Glad that you enjoyed it! Thank you for the follow back!
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First off — this legit feels like an opening to a book I’d binge in a weekend. The whole setup in the desert? 🤌🏻 I could feel the heat and the sweat dripping down my back, and the way the sand gets everywhere is such a mood. Like, you nailed the atmosphere so hard I need a cold drink just reading it. The squad vibes are great, too — Eliana and Alex have that easy banter, Cass is adorable with her excitement, and even Martin just lurking in the background works. It feels like a real group with actual history, not just cardboard cutouts wandering around ancient ruins. That trippy flashback/vision scene when Eliana touches the wall? I was eating that up. The sensory details — incense, myrrh, the flickering gold light — made it easy to picture. The POV switch-up was crazy but in a good way, though I kinda wanted a little more of Eliana freaking out or like, “Yo, am I getting possessed right now?” Just something to sell how out-of-body that must’ve felt. I mean, if that happened to me, I’d be a mess. But? This is fire. I would 100% keep reading with that mysterious necklace cliffhanger.
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This was the best compliment I have ever received! I am so happy you enjoyed this! I totally wanted to do more with the out-of-body experience but I would have gone overboard and the story would have been way longer than 3,000 words😅 I hope to one day make this into a much longer book and have readers enjoy it wherever they are! Thank you for the feedback, Rebecca! You boosted my confidence greatly!:)
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You are totally welcome. You have no idea how many times I go over 3000 words and I have to start over. I wish the limit went up to 5000 instead of 3000. I think the stories would be so much better. Even though they are great now as is.
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Having a bigger limit would be awesome! But I do love a shorter story. I love reading all of the unique ideas out there!
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