Maranatha

I could be standing in the rain like in the movies, but instead I'm standing in the rain like in real life. I am one person in the sea in the radius of some many meters, where the next thing inside is the sea life itself. I'm waist deep. Arms up top, measuring the oscillations of the surface all around me with the light caress of the palms. I took a dive upon entering, just out of the premonition of getting wet. I beat the rain to the final touches it now brings. I'm alone in the water. My mom is on the beach stretching behind me. The dog is running in the steps-dotted sand line. The owner is lightly jogging behind it barefoot.

I know because the dog barked and pulled me to turn and glance for a moment. I took the scene in and returned to the vast horizon of the sea. I'm touching the sand floor with my toes. I'm on the edge. I think about the way I left for Albufeira, Portugal in the off-season to escape the fall for you. My mom is flyweight like myself so it was a no-brainer to plus one. All of it -- the change of scenery, the culture, the sweater weather -- is to take my mind off of the bond we conjured. One slipping into the other; a deeper revelation of our thoughts. You told me you didn't stay in Newcastle because the flatmates never turned into soulmates.

And you said, “They performed a ritual on me.”

I then went into interrogating you on the details and what they

aimed to bring it to. The ritual would reveal the hidden truths.

“Seeing you get an interest in me wasn’t part of the plan,” said

Cato. “I thought you were behind the deed. You kept your

distance well, so it looked suspicious. But now the cards are on

the table and they’re going to lay off me. No harm can be further

spawned from this ritual.”

You said, "They spoke unafraid of consequences, blunt and direct. I asked one why he felt so free with his tongue and he said, 'We looked into the future. The end is near. Whether you seek it or will it, this wall will fall not one full year from now. All of us are becoming free as we speak.'”

I didn’t want to continue this conversation any longer. None of it

concerned me more than what I heard about the ritual. I let him

go. And I was alone for some time in the flat to collect my

thoughts. He said that I was a suspect until I wasn’t. He believed

me to be interested in him not because of the ritual and their

magical interference, but by my own volition. He thinks I’m

interested in other men. And others probably believe that too. No one looks at me with hostility, but now I feel like I know why.

Not only are they unafraid, but armed with private knowledge.

These things don’t find any footing inside me. I feel good to come to the end of my rope because I am free as well. Whatever they believe, it’s rooted in their practices and not in my own truths. I can let go of Cato now and that’s what I’m going to do. I will not revive him again until I’m back from seeing him in my mind everywhere I go. I keep seeing him in my mind’s eye and his smile is widening before my eyes when I go to bed. I can’t fall asleep for many hours before it’s time to start the day. It’s worse on the days when I know I won’t sleep at all. I can’t stop wondering about this.

You said, "Thank you for opening my eyes."

And in telling me this, laid the ground for your advent into my innermost chambers.

I could swear there must have been an entity behind your eyes, watching my every reaction and calibrating the impact. I believe in the insidious nature of the fall for the wrong person. I breathe in a breeze straight from the bristling and prickly splatter of the rain on the water. I'm diving for the second time now. I'm falling in a gravitational battle and surrendering to slow motion at the very bottom of the sea to find the full stop on my knees. I bring my hands together before my chest. My lips are moving and sending bubbles back to the surface. I'm going to follow them up there myself after a moment's time. I'm going to be fine right after. My mom once said, "I can’t imagine giving you any word of advice without first looking into your eyes and seeing the effects of what you’ve described for myself. From the looks of it, you are developing an attachment. But from the sound of it, there’s more to it. I still remember your ways around other children your age. You were never too involved, consistently looking for your reflection on any object before it was time to leave."

I can tell someone familiar is watching me. And I can tell that they know I am alright. And at that very bottom I open my eyes to see the way I am going to go up. I am not going to miss this part. Even though I know the rain will still be there, my eyes will not allow the drops to land on my face. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have done my run with semantics. And yet, I’m so close to achieving something. A confession. Feeling on the brink of a discovery. A revelation. Reaching for the sky. A destination. Doing what is right. Determination.

This rendition here now exists beyond time itself. I just had a distinct sense of otherness already placed firmly inside me. I don’t know what has gotten into me. One thing good is I still have my senses, and they are yet to be heightened for the right one to come.

Don’t let it get you to do what it was set out to do.

The outcome is in the hands of the one who’s in control.

Whatever comes to mind, shed it.

There is a way in and I found it.

I had to break my stride, for you studied me as far as reading my mind.