Alone in a Small Town.

Alone in a Small Town.

I was at the local train station with Anne, my older sister. The train was waiting at the platform, and Anne gave me a hug and said, “Goodbye and I love you; we will keep in touch.” She boarded the train and waved to me when it pulled out of the station. Immediately, I felt lonely and sad. The only person in my life who cared about me was leaving to get an international flight to America where she had secured a job in a large IT company. Joshua, her partner was already living and working there in the police force and she had to go and leave me alone once more. Part of me felt hurt and neglected, feelings I had grown up with in a busy unsupportive family and a school where I was bullied. Anne had helped me through the difficult times at a young age, and I was losing her. It was a very stressful time in my life and while I knew she would keep in touch with phone calls and emails it wasn’t enough.

Reluctantly, I drove back to work in a local Solicitors Office. I went straight to my office and closed the door. While at work I focused on the administrative requirements I had to do for the five solicitors. The only time I interacted with the other staff members was to hand over the work I had completed and receive instructions from them. I found the other workers very distant, and some were judgmental and controlling. I had never had the courage to defend myself and I preferred to hide away in my office when I could. This reclusiveness applied to all aspects of my life. When I wasn’t working I stayed at home and ordered my shopping online and arranged for it to be delivered so I could avoid mixing with other shoppers at the Mall.

The traumas and neglect in my life had left me with the belief that everyone was abusive in some way. This could be physical, emotional and psychological. Anne had tried to help me realize that most people were kind and supportive. She also believed that my inability to stand up and defend myself was encouraging the abusers to keep targeting me. She tried unsuccessfully to convince me to see a counselor to work through my issues and get the support to move on with my life and find ways to deal with the conflict I was facing. Anne wanted to stay with me and support me, but she needed to move on and start her new life in America and I knew this.

Saying goodbye was devastating. Saying hello was very positive and led to a wonderful experience. I had always enjoyed sewing and I had designed hair bands, scrunches, coasters and tablecloths with colourful material. They were displayed in the lounge room and when I spent time looking at them, I got an uplifting sense of achievement. I had found an interest that gave me something positive to hold onto. I sat down and started reading the local newspaper which had been delivered on my doorstep. Immediately I saw information about a ladies sewing group close to my work and my home. The ladies met every Saturday morning at a local community centre. They sewed together, shared ideas and discussed events that were going on in their life. They had extended an invitation to come to the next get- together and meet the ladies. It took time but this news led to numerous hellos and positive changes in my lifestyle and health.

Over the next few days, I thought about it. I wanted to go but I was nervous about the prospect of meeting more abusive people. I had met enough in my life. I decided to ring Anne who had always been my go-to when I had concerns. She answered the call straight away and she had time to talk to me. Anne believed the sewing group was very suitable for me as I loved sewing, could get new ideas, share my work and above all, meet some people in the community. She believed it would be the first step in my recovery. Anne’s advice had a great impact on me and I decided to give it a go knowing I could always stop going if it wasn’t right for me.

On Saturday morning I got up early and got ready for the big adventure which had never happened to me before. I drove to the Community Centre, got out of my car and walked inside. I saw a table set up in the room on my left and I walked in. There were a few ladies sitting at the table and they all smiled at me and invited me to sit down. When everyone had arrived, I was asked if I would like to share something about myself with the group. I was nervous but the supportive atmosphere in the room helped me to tell the ladies, my name, the fact that I loved sewing and my work in the Solicitors Office. A lady sitting opposite me said “Hello Julie, Welcome to the Sewing Group. We are Happy you were able to join us today and we look forward to seeing you in the Future.” This was amazing and as we did our sewing everyone shared ideas about what they had made. I had the confidence to tell them about my projects. This was the beginning of home visits and lunches at a local club.

Memories of the past didn’t go away completely but I was able to focus more on my present life. I read a book about positive connections, and a suggestion really said a lot to me. It stated that it is important to approach conflicts with other people assertively. Being Passive can mean taking the issues on board and being adversely affected by them. Being Aggressive would only mean increasing the conflict and lead to further abusive behaviour and personal angry emotions. Finally, Being Assertive and talking calmly to the person about the issues between you and them can often lead to a solution which helps the future relation ship. I tried this approach at work and while it didn’t change some negative behaviours it did improve interactions with some co-workers. This was all that I wanted