Word Salad

I tossed my backpack down, flopping down onto my bed.

School had been hard. Not the kind of hard where you get the random pop quiz or anything.

The kind of hard where you have literally one friend who didn’t show up today, so you spent the whole day alone.

Nora didn’t text me why either. Neither did she pop into my room after school, like she normally did. It was like she disappeared off the face of the Earth. I mean, yeah, I was mad at her, but she could still come to school.

I checked my phone. Yep, no texts from Nora; just some from other people, one from Brittany inviting me to a party, and two from Liam asking how my day was.

Brittany was “that girl”; popular, hot, funny. The kind of girl who everyone knew, but the naturally blond type, the type who was actually nice. Not really my type of friend though.

Liam was... ugh. He’d had a crush on me forever, since like, elementary, and who never really got over my friend zoning him. Technically not even friend zoning, because we weren’t even friends. So just zoning.

I really did wish Nora would walk through my door so we could laugh at their stupid texts.

But she remained stubbornly absent.

I responded to both of them as best I could, then got on with my homework. Every so often I’d look at my door or at my phone, waiting for her to appear, but... nothing.

---------

My mom got Chinese takeout for dinner, so we just ate from the boxes in silence.

She looked older; she’d been doing too many night shifts. It wasn’t like we were starved for money or anything, but we weren’t free from grocery worries either.

She glanced up at me.

“How was school, honey?”

I kept my eyes on my food, mixing it with my chopsticks. There was a weird grain of rice that I picked out, placing it in a napkin.

“Fine.”

“Wow, thank you for such a detailed answer. I’m drowning in details.”

I laughed.

“I don’t know...” I picked out another suspicious grain of rice. “Nora didn’t show up so I was kind of lonely.”

My mom’s voice got a weird tone.

“Really? All day?”

“Yeah, she hasn’t shown up yet either.” Another grain of rice, then I paused. They were literally normal grains of rice. I threw them back into my container with embarrassment.

“Hm. That’s... I’m sorry, honey. Hopefully it’ll get better.” My mom’s voice stayed measured, but I could place something in her voice.

“Oh, and you have that appointment with Dr. Fisher tomorrow.”

I groaned loudly.

Do I have to go? His office is so weird. And it smells like mayonnaise there. And I’m still convinced that weird turtle sculpture has a camera in it.

Except it came out as “His office turtle mayonnaise camera sculpture backpack weird.”

I exhaled loudly in frustration. My mom waited patiently for me to say what I actually wanted to say.

“Do I have to go? His office is so weird. And it smells like mayonnaise there. And I’m still convinced that weird turtle sculpture has a camera in it.”

“Yes, you have to go. I know you don’t believe me, but I think it’s working.”

“I know it’s working.” I grumbled. “Doesn’t mean I want to keep going.”

“I know.” She took my hand from across the table. “Please?”

I took a deep breath, then finally met her eyes.

“Oh, fine.”

She smiled, her eyes flashing with pride.

“Thank you, honey.”

---------

Nora was sitting on my bed when I walked into my room. She’d climbed through the window as she normally did, but at least she’d had the dignity to close it.

I sighed heavily, then started walking over to my bathroom.

“Hey.” She stood up. “Can we talk? Please?”

I glared at her.

“Hey, I know you’re mad at me, and I’m sorry. But can we please talk?”

I started brushing my hair.

“My mom’s downstairs.” I mumbled.

“Not tonight, yeah, but tomorrow?”

I shook my head.

“Doctor appointment.” I kept my voice low.

Nora wrinkled her nose.

“With the old dude? Seriously? You’re choosing him over me?” She crossed her arms angrily. “That’s such a jerk thing to do, and you know it.”

I whipped around to meet her.

“Shut up. Just... just shut up.”

Her eyes flashed with hurt before going back to anger.

“You know what? I’m done.”

She turned back to my window to walk back to her house, but looked back at me.

“We can talk eventually, though, right?”

I shrugged.

I saw her shoulders sag, but I walked to my bathroom to shower. I didn’t hear the window opening and closing over the sound of the water, finally washing my hair after... days, I guess.

By the time I got out, she was gone.

-----------

School sucked again.

Nora did show up and kept glaring at me in the hallways. I did my best to ignore her, but it got really hard sometimes.

I was so preoccupied with avoiding her that I didn’t even register running into Liam.

I fell onto my butt in shock.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” He helped me up. “Are you ok?”

“Fine.” I kept my eyes on the floor, then I paused. “Thanks.”

“Seriously? I literally knocked you over.”

“No, for... for helping me up.”

I dragged my eyes up to meet his. He had nice brown eyes that I’d never noticed before.

“Oh... uh...” He blinked a few times. “Yeah, sure.”

I snorted.

“You have worse word salad than I do.”

He chuckled awkwardly, running his hand through his hair.

“Yeah, sorry. Just...”

“Didn’t expect the eye contact?”

He waited a moment.

“Yeah, actually. You have a reputation for finding the floor fascinating.”

I laughed.

“Oh yeah, believe me, I know.”

Liam shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Are you coming to the party? The one Brittany keeps talking about?”

“Oh... uh...” I winced. “I don’t know if people actually want me there.”

“Sure they do.”

I gave him a skeptical look.

“Well... the smart ones, at least.”

I shrugged.

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

------------

I shifted uncomfortably on Dr. Fisher’s couch.

The room still smelled like mayo, but the turtle seemed less suspicious.

Dr. Fisher sat across from me, legs crossed, looking at me over his glasses.

“So? How’s it been?” He clicked his pen, waiting to take notes on his little legal pad.

I took a deep breath.

“Whatever you gave me works... for the most part.”

He nodded as he took notes.

“That’s to be expected. The medicine takes days to weeks to take full effect, but I’m glad we’re seeing results now. It just takes patience.”

“Nora bothering you?” He asked cautiously.

“Yeah. She keeps following me and staring at me.”

“Did you two fight?”

“Yeah.” I forced myself to relax. “She lied to me. I trusted her, and she lied to me.”

Dr. Fisher took more notes.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He said carefully.

“Are you though?”

He paused, and I stared at the floor.

“That she’s bothering you? Yes. That’s tough. That’s your only friend. But you’ll move past it.”

“But what if I don’t?” I blurted out. “She knows everything about me. She understands me like other people don’t. Other people are jerks.”

Dr. Fisher sighed, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

“Trust me. You will.” A moment. “Look at me.”

I met his eyes.

He spoke softly and gently now. “Having schizophrenia, especially as a teenager, is difficult. But I promise, you have support. You will move past this.”

I paused, finally ready to get over Nora. The stupid hallucination that wouldn’t quit.

“You promise?” I whispered.

He nodded.

“Promise.”