Lucid and Present

Lucid and Present

David C. Russell

I have been here; I have been there. Let’s talk about the highways and byways of life.

You might ask, Maculate in personality and clothes?

Most occasions and times. I do have my moments when the personality is roused to show its critical, dark side. These moments erupt as solo expressions of frustration over something as simple as telling the dog to come, or as complex as displeasure at doing something suggested by another.

Sense of machismo?

At times, but more dependent on mood and circumstance if present. Competent and confidence are two navigation skills I’ve possessed throughout this life.

Worrisome, bewildered, confused, happy, steadfast, excited, bored?

Yep, all the above. Implement worrisome if so desired. Recall of happy moments are several spread out through one’s life course. I have implemented worrisome from grade-school through older age.

As my father in particular could gain joy and comfort from looking or planting a clump of trees or shrubs (chaparral) that induced calm and inward serenity, for myself:

a musical piece by any of the 17th century Bach family,

taste of a strong, dark-roast coffee,

the warm inviting and interested attention by a woman,

an old hymn admitting needing the presence of God every hour, would accomplish much the same for me.

The roads traveled begin with the name of the road on which my parents lived at the time. Life for me began shortly after conception not with the slap of a hand on my bottom. These road surfaces have been figuratively and literally gravel, occasional blacktop, asphalt, and cement. A word summary: variation, variation, variation.

Life has dark gray periods, blue skies, intense sense of sunshine, intense sense of wind velocity and rain or snowstorms. Moods like the weather reflect heat, sameness, chill, bitter cold, damn cold, lukewarm and plain welcomed warm!

Moreover, the road surface on which myself was found has curves, bends at times, or melds into another perpendicular road. As in life, curves occur sporadically, and seem to suddenly happen, to occur, to take one by surprise, or be the surprise that delights.

Examples, a young child finds playmates or a playmate after a period of going solo on the school playground. An adolescent has a date for a major event be it a prom or the weekly basketball game or track meet.

A collegiate fails miserably, cannot stand on their own two feet figuratively, succeeds at winning a crowd over at a coffeehouse or athletic event, gets a BEOG grant to help offset tuition, gets the dream internship, gets the girl or guy desired, gets, gets.

Self-centered natures experience occasional breakthrough where self-centered is temporarily banished and one finds true that it is more blessed to give than always receive.Appreciation enters and I sense that having been nice, thoughtful, kind, courteous in this world do make us better. Things like sending a postcard or email, displaying a smile, or acknowledging another.

Youth passes and perhaps more of the same is broadened or repeated in the middle age of our life. The road sign might simply introduce responsibility. Responsibility for self, for spouse, for children perhaps, for making payments on a mortgage, credit cards, debit cards, motor vehicle, incidentals including soap, body-wash, toothpaste, linens, underwear, outer-wear and more.

This personality is one to conform or challenge the literal advisement, Be yourself. Continued repetitions to: wear a smile, be courteous, pick up after yourself, be a contributor, you are here to serve the cause, the church, humankind, family, an occasional meal from scratch, or from a box.

Do you share the sense a lot is asked of you?

Thought so. Moses was in charge of leading a throng from slavery to freedom. Perhaps your being asked feels as monumental and at times – insurmountable; at other times doable.

The children in your life ask for the car, ask for an allowance, ask what you think of someone?

Someone they pal with, someone they date, someone they chose to wed, someone they chose to divorce.

Guess what? I have found the stop-sign we’ll call ‘diplomacy’ in many instances to be a parent’s best option.

There are the bends or curves where health may twist and turn or be fairly predictable. Being born with no maladies occurs for the few and far between. One may be fortunate indeed to have ten digits, four working extremities, average or above average hearing or vision, a mind and mental capacity that is unincumbered, that’s just for starting out on the road.

Once the formula, infant feeding, crawling, and walking are accomplished, perhaps talking, there is much, more. Our twists or curves may later be a failed vision test or hearing test performed at school; slow ability to comprehend reading, spelling, directions, a given school subject, etc., etc. For me, headaches became once-a-week when about age ten. Headaches did subside over time and became sporadic recurrence. My teen years met with the onset of a condition known as epilepsy, or seizures. Occasional bouts ended in my early twenties. The Neurologist told me and my parents, “He needs to grow up.”

Grow up, what is that exactly?

Is grow up one’s freedom to do as they ‘damn well please’ at age sixteen, eighteen, twenty-one, thirty-two or forty?

Is grow up to stay up as late as desired, or sleep in until forenoon?

Is grow up assuming responsibility for self, for the choices one makes, for the privileges and gifts granted, for the personal accomplishments gained, for the challenges met and tallied, for personal presentation to the world at large?

The scenery around the road for ‘grow up’ is at times vast and at times clouded, incapsulated in a nebulous omen or dubious claim.

The young adult and middle adult passages fulfill scenic expectations, interspersed with stretches of certain hidebound conventionality. During this time my career changed three times. I married halfway through the allotted years said to be ours.

older age, (the homestretch) seems complex, bumpy, partly sunny, clouds that swirl about, breezy though not overly velocitous.

The children, if any, leave home for college, military service, to find themselves, from one thing or person to another, start a career path, hang out. Ideally, each is at the age to be accountable and responsible.

At the older age passage one may choose to begin a process of downsize. Skateboards, trampolines, figurines, furniture, family heirloom, skis, golf-clubs, portable clocks or radios, piano or organ find a place in the thrifty newspaper or garage sale. The curve may be to realize that one’s treasure is deemed another’s trash.

Some downsize or jettison personal acquisitions: the spouse, the son, the daughter, the brother, the sister, the cousins, the whole damn lot! One figures, “The journey will end one day. Get a jump on things and go solo, or go and be something or someone totally outside of your script.”

Older age includes preparing to arrive at the destiny that ushers on continued eternity.

Whether or not life care, healthcare, hospice, home nurse, spouse, friend mark these life city or country blocks is in my case, most cases, to be determined. This may be the one turn we slow down, proceed with caution, enjoy a daily nap, weekly friend get-together until all pass and memories but remain.

Or, unforgettable becomes forgettable, forgotten, mangled, jangled, tangled, unknown. That seems like a slip off the road and over a cliff, into the ditch or riverbed. Ouch.

In essence, I have been here; I have been there.

End