Whether, or Weather?

“It was terribly cold, snow was falling and it was getting dark. Do remember those days? I do, but they are slipping into a reality that no longer belongs to the present.It’s a line from a story by Hans Christian Anderson. It was a good thing for Hans he became a writer; people expect names like Hans and Christian on books and stories, I wonder what he’d have done if he’d been a tram driver or stable boy? You ever wonder about things like that?

Some names inspire, while others call for tomatoes to be thrown. Eggs are better though; they leave a more lasting impression on whatever you hit. Of course where you live has something to do with how your name is perceived. Names like Hortense, Philbert, Penelope, all do well some places, but most certainly not in others. I believe names are similar to accents when it comes to giving or taking on meaning. Some names do alright anywhere. Take the name George for instance. You know any George’s by chance?... I used to, but he got killed in an auto accident. If you knew George you weren’t surprised. His eye sight was terrible, despite the glasses. I tried looking through them once and had a head ache for a week, and forgot your name. He should never have been driving; I warned him about that.

However, there were Georges throughout history that have done quite well for themselves; George Washington for one. He seemed to, despite his better judgement, come to the aid of a burgeoning democracy.None of that King stuff for him.And then there was George the III, I believe he was on the other side of the ocean imposing tariffs on anything that moved in the colonies. I would expect that neither George was well liked by the other or their countrymen, but that has nothing to do with being remembered. No matter who you are, what you’ve done to reach a level of notoriety, a couple of generations and you are just a name in some history book, or the but of a joke, lying cherry trees and wooden teeth. Do you remember by chance a Fancy Ripken?

No, suppose not, before your time really. A Fancy Dan...no? Surely you’ve heard of Fancy Don Fabrigie. Not the Russian decorative egg fellow, but the guy who invested in nerve gas and became one of the first dozen or so millionaires in the entire world.That was of course when a million dollars meant something. Today being worth a million is nothing, pocket change for the billionaires. I’ve heard talk of there soon to be Trillionaires. Anyway, we don’t have to worry about those types of problems on your salary. Like I was saying Fancy Dan was known as quite the ladies’ man in his day. It wasn’t because he was good looking, charismatic, or even a romantically inclined, but he was wealthy, and in some circles that is all that is required.

“I never met the man, but I’ve read articles about his bad taste in food, architecture, interior design, and no end of things having to do with real estate properties. Apparently when you gamble with your father’s money, winning or losing is not the object, humiliating your opponents is. It seems he enjoyed nothing more than throwing people onto the streets if they couldn’t pay the debt he claimed they owed him.It’s said he was merciless, but he believed for a good reason. Even though he was considered rather buffoonish when it came to his education, he attempted to make up for it by the lessons he provided for those who didn’t have a father with deep pockets.

Rumor had it that he wanted to enter politics, not for the presumed reasons most politicians use to enamor themselves to the disenchanted public, but to add to the fortune he would inherit should something terrible, like dying. His mother had crossed under suspicious circumstances while riding a horse and chasing a fox. She was apparently attacked by the dogs who mistook her for the very fox they too were chasing. The suspicious circumstances revolved around her having hamburger in all of the four pockets of her riding jacket. Fancy claimed she had Munchkins Disease. She had to eat constantly, preferably raw foodstuffs, if she were to keep from getting diabetes. It apparently is still an open investigation, although it took place some 75 years ago.

His father, Wilhelm Bronkowski, people claimed it was an alias, claimed to know nothing about his wife’s condition, saying he left all matters of health and welfare in the capable hands of his son Fancy. Fancy claimed he had forgotten that responsibility, he had so many others, what with aging parents a stable full of worthless horses, not to mention the golf courses where they thought about playing polo on Sunday afternoons. He, and I quote, “ will try and do better next time, I promise, Mumy.” His father felt fortunate to have such a doting son.

The Bronkowski fortune was apparently the result of having betrayed his Polish comrades before WWI, by taking all the funds from the Kings Bank and Trust, and placing it in the Deutch Mark Bank in Dusseldorf before Germany invaded. He was charged with embezzlement by a Grand Jury at the time, but being that the Kings Bank currency no longer had any value, he was convicted of stealing worthless money and pardoned on his own recognizance. The current leader of the Union said it was best for the country as a whole to “Just let the matter drop.” When the war ended most of those who survived had forgotten about Bronkowski in their concerted effort to be ready the next time Germany attempted a hostile takeover. Retribution had also become Fancy’s addiction, and was blamed for his dismal failure in being ready for Hitlers invasion a few years later, according to his own diary musings.

Fancy was named after the palatial mansion Wilhelm built amid the rubble of what remained of Blimpford Boulevard, and because of the comments of those who were surviving in the sewer tunnels beneath the city; “fancy!” they said mockingly, while looking at the house as a plane overhead chased them back to their air raid shelters; they hadn’t managed to shake the habits of the previous two wars.

Fancy was aware of the precarious situation he found himself in, if something as equally bizarre as his mother’s demise, should happen to his father. He knew that he was being watched closely, and therefore decided to run for political office and the immunity it provides. His competitors, although wary of Fancy’s ability to gamble when the odds were favorable, also remembered only too clearly what had happened to his mother while under his care. The public was also keenly aware of Poland’s reputation for being Europe’s door mat, and recognized someone as ruthless as Fancy Dan, not to mention his father’s pension for switching sides, could lead to yet another invasion which would emotionally devastate the survivors of the twenty-year war in the desert. Even though the majority of those in politics were knowledgeable of the fact that money had certain advantages when it came to power, it could also had the reputation of being swayed by someone having the reputation of being a Dandy.

The saying, “power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” was not a caution accepted those in government, because they were aware of the truth in the statement, and were mainly concerned about being attached to the power with the most absolutes.Fancy having access to the most influential houses and people of means, knew where the secret jewels were hidden, but unlike his father, he devised a plan to have them become more valued by dissolving the European Union into a former semblance of itself, and claiming all accumulated wealth be given back under the auspices of his new Euro law. Apparently the English had cornered the market on the Fish and Chips trade which had thrown off the balance of power. The new virtual Euro would be backed by virtual value, but had the allure of turning your meager bank account into that of a millionaires. Even though a million was no longer considered wealthy, it was more than five life time earnings of the ordinary tram driver. All you had to do was believe, and if you and everyone else did as well, everyone would become millionaires.

“Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was a millionaire?” It was the slogan Fancy used to buy him victory in the election. He was going to revolutionize the entire economy by taking advantage of a law that most legislators believed had been expunged from the countries laws books, The Entitlement Proclamation. It allowed everyone 18 years of age and older, who could prove they were born under the Birthright Laws of 1776, would in effect become heirs of the President, affording them the rights, free of charge, to his Presidential Library, where the secrets of financial success could be found, if you knew where to look. Fancy had promised if elected, and later unequivocally approved by his unanimous consent, that the Flamingo, would replace the turkey as the national bird. He would continue to pardon Turkeys every Thanksgiving as he believed it reflected his family values.

Facts he believed led to regulations that stifled the prospects of future Kings and Queens in the exploitive markets around the world, who wished only the best for themselves and their families. It was called inherited wealth by some, tax doggery by others, but the concept being, if everyone is wealthy, of course some more wealthy than others, and capitalism is working, the money being spent on wars and military readiness could be used to fund the construction of dance halls across the land, which would increase circulatory functioning of the elderly, and give the young something besides electronic stimulation to occupy their time; early signs of Alzheimer’s had become more prevalent in those under the age of five who were refused access to electronic stimulation by their skeptical parents, who were also disbelievers in science and medicine.

“People began to believe they were in a conundrum, with no light at the end of a tunnel to be constructed for the proposed Bullet Train. Because of the conflicting reports that the ban on assault weapons might be construed as a ban on anything having to do with bullets, caused a rush on ammunition enterprises. Rather than rename the train, the entire enterprise was halted until another report could confirm or deny, the most recent speculation about the increase in cancer due to the lack of lead in drinking water.

The general population began to wonder if the old ways were not preferable to the new ways , in spite of the fact things were not great then either. Fancy looked to have his birthrights revoked for non-payment of dues to the National Bank. The entire Kingdom appeared to be on the verge of collapse until someone in the Branding Office came up with the brilliant idea to just change people’s perception of everything. By renaming everything with characters from all the famous cartoons and movies of the past 250 years, things would certainly have to be great again, or minimally better. It was suggested that Fancy would be the leading actor in a new TV series called the Epstein Fillets. It was to be a historical sage of the rise and fall of supposition, an impractical although believable scenario based on alternative facts, islands, and fish stories.

It is a rare thing in deed when an entire nation becomes enthralled with an idea that would make them all millionaires, relieving them of the responsibility of having to worry about friends, neighbors, family, anyone really. Everyone would be free and wealthy enough to have their own army, police force, immigration enforcement, and a religion provided by a lottery system. The main ingredient holding the entire idealistic endeavor together was, what could make the world a better place, more money, or God?Much like names have a sense of idealism initially attached to them, so does the notion of being your own God.People couldn’t stop thinking of what it would be like to be all powerful and yet have no consequences for your actions. It was decided that each person could send their individualized army into an adjoining country and convince those being invaded to change their allegiance from just money, to both money and God. Televangelists were ecstatic. They’d been preaching the same message for years, and finally people were beginning to listen.

The movement progressed quickly until it was recognized that not all Gods were the same. Soldiers were shooting other soldiers because the God emblem on someone’s helmet differed from their own. When asked why, they said they’d been trained to devalue life, that diversity and inclusion destroyed the very values attributed to individualism and therefore Godliness. It took several years, including pauses, to regroup, but the system of Godly Individualism began to crumble when it was discovered that when everyone is a millionaire, no one is a millionaire except billionaires, who could afford to lose a million here, a few million there, and maintain the status and protection they were accustomed to.

Although it appeared all hope was lost, there remained sanctuary countries where life had remained normal, despite the weather catastrophes that had become more prevalent and devastating. Residents, however, remained hopeful as the idealism behind co-operation began to take hold, as it often does when you are up to your eyeballs in flood water and someone offers you a seat in their canoe.

No one remembers what happened to Fancy Dan, or his cast of characters, everyone has been too busy apparently building canoes, some arcs. The entire world came to recognize that Kings are what you make them out to be, and Gods have their place, but Godliness and responsibility don’t make good bed fellows, regardless of what Mutant Muscle Magazine had to say on the subject.

I don’t know what Fancy meant to his parents, but I suspect it was a name they believed would put him at the top of the list as far as success is concerned. I hope they weren’t too disappointed by what the name actually came to mean. It’s probably best that they didn’t live to see him flee to a non-extradition country where he’d stashed all the tax money he borrowed from his ardent followers.

Have you looked to see how hard it’s snowing? No doubt the biggest snowflakes there has ever been, and unless the thermometer has stopped working because the wind has quit blowing, it’s 200% colder than it was just 10 minutes ago. You need to come look at this. There are people literally walking on water!”

“Did you say something?I’ve been in the dryer spinning the water out of my hair. You can’t hear a mouse pray with all that noise. Have you called yet about the free wash machine the government promised everyone? They apparently run on oil, which is more prevalent than ever now that Antarctica has gone green.”