Sleep

I opened the window into the room.

I always know how to open it, even if it is locked. This was my window, and it always will be.

She has tried to keep me out before.

Tonight is the night that she will finally accept me.

We had been talking about this last night. Apparently, she had a good day today. This information doesn’t stop me, it just makes my job harder.

I slide into my position inside of her head, and begin my job. My voice is deep, and raspy. I let out a low growl so that she knows I am there.

I know I have done well when a tear escapes from the corner of her eyes.

Suddenly, she opens her eyes and mouth.

“No, no, no!” I scream from inside her head. “This can’t happen, you’re not ready!” My body contorted in a way that it had never before, my hind legs bending and cracking, my mouth moving in all sorts of ways it had never before.

“Stop hurting me! Take somebody else’s sleep!” She howled. My contorting stopped, and I looked at her, my beady black eyes glistening in the faint moonlight. Tears were falling steadily now.

“I am not going to keep living like this,” She spoke to me, hiccuping in between words.

Suddenly, she pulled me out of her head. I could feel my body unfolding, my bare feet being exposed to the cold of reality.

I limped while I skittered down to my station, preparing myself for the worst.

I felt a part of me fade away when I was pulled out. Failure.

I had been too eager.

I did not know what she was capable of.

I am a monster.

When I got back to my station, the darkest one in the corner, my master came over to me.

“43, you have not done well. You have failed, and she was the closest one we’ve had in a while,” he growled, his voice a darker replica of mine when I am in a head.

“I am sorry, master. I will do better.” I said, my voice trembling.

“You will do what?” he asked, wanting more from me.

“I will do better,” I said, louder this time.

He smiled slightly, his lips merely curving upwards a notch, and then sighed.

“43, you’re one of our best, but you are off your game. Find a new soul, perhaps near her, and see if you can make your way back. This is not the first time something like this has happened, but you will make sure it will be the last. Are we clear?” He droned on, his voice dripping with cold. A slight drool was forming against the corner of his mouth, and he licked it up with his tongue. His eyes were a glowing red, and they pierced through my soul.

“Yes sir,” I replied.

“What was that?” He asked again.

“Yes sir,” I said again, more firmly this time.

After a brief beating, he let me be, and then I skulked off into the darkness, ready to claim another unsuspecting victim. For the good of the pack.

I went to her neighborhood, taking the route that I had lurked behind and in between for over five years.

I paused a little when I saw her window.

I placed my hand on the window, and suddenly, my body began contorting as it had in her mind. I howled with pain, and dragged my limp legs to a distant house, where I found a new victim.

I didn’t have to stay stuck in the past.

I regained my strength after trudging down a few houses, and then I heard the sound that I know by heart.

The crying of a child.

I work in the child department, singing cursed lullabies to all the hurting children who need comfort.

It is a shame that I am their only comfort, but this is for the good of the pack.

We have all been taught that these are merely tired souls.

If we do an impeccable job, we might be able to leave the children. They handle their own lives in the end, we just help them make decisions.

For the good of the pack.

It was another little girl. I could see through the window.

This wasn’t my window, but I know how to get through windows.

I climbed, inhaling the air of her room. This would be my new work space, where I would make my magic.

We are told not to ask for names, so I did not ask the child. We are told not to ask for ages, so I did not ask the child. All we know is their secrets. All we know is their mind.

I thought of my master’s words.

You are one of our best, but you are off your game.

I shall get back now.

I crept around to her bedside table, introducing myself. My hind legs shook, the excitement of breaking another one.

I inserted myself into her mind, and began the affirmations that I had been taught many a times.

You are not good enough.

You will never be loved.

You are stupid.

Nobody cares.

Nobody.

Nobody…

My voice, almost as dark as the master’s in the beginning, began to fail. A tremor was added. A shake.

No, I thought, this is the truth. I deepened my voice, my howling intensifying.

Just make the noise louder.

Louder.

Louder!

She put on headphones, trying to use music to drown out me.

Trying to drown me out.

My body started contorting again, but she was too. She was hurting. I could tell. I did tell.

She clenched her chest, tears falling rapidly down her cheeks and onto her neck. I was doing good, so why was I breaking?

She was accepting me.

I had to push through, so that master wouldn’t be disappointed.

For the good of the pack.

A song came on, one that she clearly enjoyed.

I tried to scream, but I couldn’t. It was like my head was underwater. This never happened in a mind. This wasn’t supposed to happen in a mind. Minds were supposed to be this thing that I could ease my way into, expanding until I became undeniable.

I howled more, my voice becoming tinier and tinier.

I tried drowning out her. I was the one in power here. I was in control. Her eyes opened, her lashes extending farther than before, and mine opened as well. She writhed in pain, and so did I.

Finally, it all became too much for me to bear, and I exited her mind. But something happened when I left.

She didn’t stop crying. She didn’t stop hurting. I just left the picture.

My hind legs, which had previously shook from excitement, shook from fear.

I felt sick. Sicker than the souls I sang to, sicker than anybody before.

Bile was forming in my stomach, and it rode up my throat and exited via my mouth.

I growled in pain as I staggered towards my station. The master will be so incredibly furious. I have let everybody down, and I have done so in such a shameful manner.

I hesitated before dropping down to all fours and stumbled into my station.

It took maybe three minutes of peace and ragged breathing until the master came in.

“43, I am going to give you one more chance. One.” He said, his sharp teeth dimming the world around us.

“I am sorry, master. Something happened, and I lost control-” I tried to say, but he cut me off, snarling.

“You say you are sorry, yet you still make mistakes. We do not ‘lose control’ here. Are you fit for this, 43, or do we need to replace you?”

“No, sir. I will make you proud. No more mistakes.”

“No more mistakes,”

“For the good of the pack.” We both said together, and he left, the loosely-stitched scar on his hind leg showing ever so slightly. The master never told us where he got it. If we questioned him, we were questioning all we’d ever known. We did not question him.

I had one last chance. I will not take it for granted. I will make my master proud. I will not fail. I will not fail.

My legs felt heavier as I walked around, smelling the air around me, every movement laced with pain and fear.

I looked into the window of the girl who was my first, who had ripped me out like a Band-Aid. Tonight, I would reclaim her.

For the good of the pack.

I let out a low whistle as I climbed into her window - my window - and every bit of my body ached as I did so. This was going to be incredibly painful.

“Hello again,” She said calmly, reading a book. She was placed in her favorite position- the position she was always in before I came in.

I cocked my head. The children weren't supposed to talk to us.

I walked over to her slowly, every step marked with now excruciating pain. I clenched my jaw in order to keep from howling in misery.

I tried to get into her head. I really did try.

She was strong, and I was not.

Suddenly, the pain became unbearable. I howled in anguish.

She frowned.

"Are you hurt?" She asked, putting her book down and coming over to me.

I growled, because she was a traitor. I can't trust her.

She placed her soft hand over my head, and I screeched. Children do not touch monsters. Children stay away from monsters. Monsters are bad. Children are good.

No, no, no.

Children are bad. Monsters are good.

But is the master good? No, the master is bad!

No, the master is good!

I'm so sorry.

If it's possible for monsters to cry, I think I achieved that.

She took her hand off of my head, which made me sob.

She pulled me down in a sitting position.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, you're okay," she whispered into my ears.

Monsters are not supposed to talk to humans outside of the mind.

"Th-th-thank you," I croaked to the child. That is all I will say.

She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around me.

She sat with me as I curled up, and slept for the first time.