A Conversation

Sometimes when I am just about to fall asleep, my eyes open and I see it.

What do you see?

This thing, suspended, floating. A shadow, a figure; it may be slightly amorphous but always person-like.  I’m too intent watching it to be scared. If I sit up, and flick on the light it disappears, of course.

Of course.

So, what is it?

What do you think it is?

I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.

Well, I’m interested to know what you think it might be. Does it make any sound?

Not that I’m aware.There may be sounds outside, a bird, a bat screech, wind, trees creaking. But I can’t say I’ve heard it make a distinct sound.

Hmmm. How many times have you seen it.

Honestly? More times than I can count. Since I was a child. Although, not sure it’s always been the same one.

What do you mean?

Well, as I said, as a child, sometimes, I’d see it. Sometimes shadow-like. Other times, a more defined figure that looked fairly human.

What else did you notice?

Oh, what else? Well, it seemed somewhat ephemeral, possibly because the shape would fluctuate a bit, stretch, shrink, you know. I felt it adopted an image. Maybe so I’d recognise it.

Interesting thought. 

Probably because I’ve read too many stories. I was an avid reader.

You say was. Do you still read?

Not as much. Too busy. One day I’ll get back to reading. I read too much as a child!

Really? Can you read too much?

I’m not sure, possibly.  It could have ‘addled’ my brain. That’s what my mother would have said.

Did she say that? To you?

No. Not to me, that I remember. But she could discern an addled brain pretty quickly. It seems quite a few of our neighbours suffered the condition.

You’re smiling.

Oh, my mother had a sharp tongue and didn’t suffer fools. And she had a quick wit.  Hard to keep up with her sometimes. The neighbours didn’t stand a chance.

Would you like to talk more about your mother?

I don’t know. She died a few years ago. I think about her. And recently she’s been in a few of my dreams.

How does she appear?Tell me.

I’ll be standing in a room and turn around. There she is.Like she’s been waiting for me.

Does she say anything?

Not anything specific that I recall. But sometimes I feel like we’ve, you know, had a conversation. Some kind of exchange. Not necessarily words. Other times she’s just standing there, smiling like she knows.

Knows? What do you mean?

I actually don’t know.There is just a sense. That she knows a lot more than I do. That she’s purposefully visiting me. And knows I’m still working it out. And that’s OK.

Oh, I see. So, is it reassuring? 

Yes, in one sense it is, but the scenario is also disquieting.  Even talking about it makes me feel that way. Almost disturbing.

Do these feelings arise for you anywhere else?

Sometimes.

When?

Can be when I least expect it.   You know I’m feeling it now.

Now? All the time or just this moment?

Probably uneasy all this time I’ve been here.

Can I make a comment.

Yes, sure.

You don’t appear uneasy.

Don’t I?

No. You seem pretty calm, relaxed. You might like to know that.

Thanks. I do. I often think it must be apparent, and that makes me feel more uneasy, even anxious.

Well, I wouldn’t know that today. Not from what I can see.

Thanks. That actually makes me feel a little better. That’s really helpful.

A pleasure. Thank you. Would you like to tell me any more about your mother?

Hmmm, nothing more comes to mind right now. Maybe another time.

It’s interesting how the experience you’ve just described is different to the experience of the form, or presence, that you described earlier. Do you think they are different experiences.

Definitely. What I experience, when I see the figure, is not a dream. My eyes are open. I’m not asleep.

Interesting.

What’s interesting?

I’m just thinking how you define a dream.

What do you mean?

Well, your eyes are closed, for example.

Yes, that makes sense don’t you think?

Does it?

It does to me.Doesn’t it to you?

Well, I like to encourage thinking; exploration.

So, by your definition are we awake when our eyes are open?

What would you say?

Well, yes. I believe so. Absolutely. Aren’t we?

OK.

Is that an affirmation.Or are you just humouring me.

I’m supporting you in your conviction.

You don’t believe that?

I’d like to know what you believe?

Well, when my eyes are open; I’m awake. I know when I’m asleep.

Were your eyes open when you met your mother recently.

No, I was asleep. In the dream? The me in the dream has their eyes open. Yes.

It could follow therefore, that when your eyes are open you might be asleep.

I suppose. Strictly.  But that’s a different state.

Different? To what?

To being awake!

OK.

Like now. I’m awake and talking to you. That’s distinctly different to being with my mother in a dream.

Yes, I agree, that is different to being in a dream with your mother. Are they both different to your experience of the floating form you see.

Obviously.

So why is it important to talk about these experiences? What would be a good outcome for you?

I want to understand what the things are. Then I can deal with them.

When you say deal with them.What does that mean for you?

I don’t know yet. I think understanding them may help me determine that.

Good strategy.  And I want you to determine the best outcome for you.

That sounds fair.

You might have to dig a little deeper.

OK. So, there’s thinking involved, if I’m to understand more about these visitors.

Yes, that’s very likely.I also want to ask you, do you consider these things are visitors?

Well, I’m using that term to denote them. Really not sure what they are. Or if it’s my eyes playing tricks or my imagination.

Alright. Let’s go with ‘visitors’, for now. How many would you say at any one time.

Just one. At any particular time.

And is there anything consistent about the visitor. How it manifests? Does it disappear? Is it always in the same area?

I don’t witness it appearing or disappearing. As for area, in the same room as me but anywhere within that space.

Ok. And it can take different forms. It can look different. Is that during a single visit or from visit to visit?

During an actual visit, it may slightly expand or contract, alter its shape a little. But not drastically. Subtly, like a ray or jellyfish in the ocean. In other respects, it remains the same.  It’s always a figure, it may be slightly amorphous, at times a silhouette, but yes, a human-like figure. 

Really an excellent description. It helps me to understand the image and your perception.

Thanks.

May I ask, does anything else you’ve observed behave similarly? Have a think then tell me.

Well, immediately I think of clouds. Or water in a vessel, or fabric floating on water.

That was fast.

Was it? Thanks.

When you described those images. Did you see them?

Kind of. I imagined them I suppose. I drew on what I have already seen.

Do you know you closed your eyes then?

When?

As you identified those images.

Did I? I suppose that makes sense.  I was drawing on images in my mind not describing something at which I’m looking.

So, it’s fair to say we can see with our eyes closed?

Haha! Yes, I suppose it is. Is this leading to you saying it’s all in my imagination.

What do you mean?

That the floating figures don’t exist. I imagine them.

That’s a possibility you’ve arrived at yourself.

You’re good at this.

Am I?  Thank you.  I think you’re doing very well. What about if we put your figures to one side and return to the dreams about your mother.

Ok. If you think it’s a good idea.

Well, it may assist our understanding. Do you remember what your mother is wearing in those dreams? Or your surroundings, what are they like?

Mum is wearing a dress I think, a blue one, or something similar. She could be wearing pants and a shirt. I don’t take much notice but she always looks nicely dressed and well groomed. That is how she used to look. Neat and well groomed. She looks youngish.  She looks good.

And the surroundings.

Generally, inside. A room in a house, I think. Not specific but somewhat familiar.  I don’t take much notice. I’m looking at her.

You can see her clearly.

Yes, absolutely.

And we agree you’re asleep.Your eyes are closed. 

My sleeping self has its eyes closed. As we noted though, the me in the dream has its eyes open.

Good pick up.

Thanks.

Earlier you said: ‘When my eyes are open; I’m awake’.  Yet when you’re asleep we agreed your eyes may be open. So to distinguish, shall we call the latter a different dimension; a dream dimension.

That could be a way of classifying it.

How about those floating figures?

Oh, are you suggesting they are a dream?

I haven’t suggested that at all.  You said you know you’re awake because your eyes are open. However, in this other dimension, in a dream, your eyes may be open, but as we agreed, you’re asleep.

If I was asleep, how do I flick on the switch? I sit up.Do you think I wake from a dream?

I think we may like to explore further the idea of multiple dimensions. We’ve now agreed you already experience two.

This is getting interesting.Although I’m not yet convinced.

I would not expect you to be. And, in fact, that’s probably enough exploration today.

It’s nearly time to go?

Yes, it is. Are you alright?

Yes, just looking for my keys. I can’t seem to find them?

Keys?

To my car. Did they fall out of my pocket? Might be under this chair.

I can’t see. Wait, let’s switch on the light. It may help.