Coffee Break

Tuesday, August 18th, 2001

Dear Diary,

It feels like 19 is too old to still be writing in a diary, but when I’m a famous Broadway actress it will be fun to look back and remember how everything started. Maybe this notebook will even be worth something someday!

I haven’t gotten any callbacks yet but I did finally finish unpacking and go to my first two auditions! I was so nervous for the first one, I almost didn’t join the line when I saw how many other gorgeous girls were there waiting, but I forced myself to stay. I don’t think I did a very good job with the lines, and I felt like the assistant producer wasn’t even really looking at me while I read. Maybe they had already found people before me, but why would they waste their time continuing to let everyone else audition? Whatever happened, I definitely don’t think I’ll hear from them.

The one I went to today seemed a little more promising. They had me read with one of the guys auditioning for one of the smaller male parts, and it felt like we had good chemistry together. He even gave me a high-give as we were walking off stage, so he thought it went well too! He was cute but I think he was gay. Anyway, I’m trying to balance not getting my hopes up but also staying optimistic that something will come through even if it takes a little while.

Speaking of being optimistic, I have enough savings to live off for a few months but I don’t want to spend all of it right away. Acting is so unstable, I need to save some money for the future too. I want to stay as open as I can for auditions and callbacks but I think I should be able to find somewhere that’s hiring for the breakfast shift, especially with my experience at the Sunrise. I brought the letter of recommendation from my old manager, and already have a temporary New York driver’s license (that’s a whole other story of how I wasted literally an entire day at the DMV). Tomorrow morning I’m going to stop by the places around the apartment, since it would be nice to find something close so it’s easy to come back and shower and change and not have to show up at auditions smelling like cigarettes and hash brown grease.

It’s so weird to think that a month ago I was still in Millersburg and thought Cleveland was a big city, and now here I am in the Big Apple (which I have learned no one who lives here ever says)!

Friday, August 31st, 2001

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe it! I’ve only been in New York for two weeks and I already found a job and made a friend! Let me tell you the whole story.

Today I went to an audition for an off-Broadway “experimental” show just because it sounded fun, and I thought I might have a better chance getting into something newer and less famous. The crowd of people auditioning looked the same though – slightly older, experienced, confident. I checked in and get my number then they have us all just waiting around.

I usually don’t mind the waiting around because it gives me time to memorize the lines and think about how I’m going to perform – like what words I want to emphasize and the cadence of how I’m going to say them – but for some reason today I was really impatient. I was kind of just standing there but spiraling in my head about what if I never get a part, what if I don’t hear from from the diner I applied to on Wednesday, what if I have to go back to Millersburg and go back to Sunrise and face everyone (DAD) who said I would never make it as an actress… just totally freaking out, which really isn’t the kind of energy you want going into an audition.

Anyway, while I’m all in my head about things, this gorgeous red-haired girl came up to me and complimented my boots! They were the ones I got on sale from Sears in Cleveland right before I moved, and I thought it was so cool she noticed them because I do kind of think of them as my “cool New York” shoes. I said “thanks” and told her she had beautiful hair, which in retrospect is kind of weird because it was obviously her natural hair color so it wasn’t like it was a conscious choice, but she said “thanks, I’m just trying to bring the fire to back it up” which I thought was a funny, self-depreciating response.

She introduced herself – her name is Tiffany – and we started talking and it turns out she’s from upstate New York, which is apparently more like Ohio than it is like New York City. She’s been here since February and has had a few callbacks but hasn’t actually gotten a part yet, which I guess makes sense statistically but I don’t know, she had a really powerful presence so I was a little bit surprised. I asked what she’s doing for money because she didn’t seem like the kind of person whose family was just paying for everything, and she said she worked at a restaurant in one of the huge towers downtown.

I told her about applying at the neighborhood places and not hearing back even though I have experience, and she kind of scoffed, like it was such a dumb idea.

“Ashley no,” she said. “Those are like the most competitive places because all of the actresses want to work there even though the tips are shit because it’s just tourists and other actors going there.”

And of course, I immediately saw her point, that I was just doing the dumb obvious thing and not thinking creatively. Before I could even feel bad though she continued, “You should come work at my place. They actually started doing breakfast in the spring and there’s been a ton of turnover because most people end up getting a dinner or bar job somewhere else where they can make more money, but it’s a cool place and I don’t think it would be hard to move up to dinner or cocktail if you stuck around for a while. The management likes pretty girls.” I blushed.

I was a little nervous about because downtown seems so far from my apartment, and I also felt like it was asking too much for this random stranger to get me a job when I was already just so happy she noticed my boots. I started trying to brush her off but then she got called in to audition, and then I went in right after her, and when I finished she was waiting for me outside the door.

“Come on,” she grabbed my hand. “We’re going to take the subway downtown and get you a job.”

At that point I definitely tried to protest because I was trying to look cool for the audition and wasn’t wearing the button-down shirt I usually like for interviews, and I didn’t even have a resume with me, but she insisted it wouldn’t matter.

When we got there, we didn’t even need to go outside from the subway to get into the building which was crazy – a building so big it has its own subway stop! We took the elevator up so high my ears popped. She led me around to a little side office and introduced me to the manager as her friend Ashley, as if we’d known each other our whole lives and not for three hours. It wasn’t even a real interview because Tiffany was there the whole time, but the manager just asked if I had experience and if I could be there at 6am to help with set up and prep. I assured him that I could and he just gave me a business card and told me to show up at 6am on Tuesday wearing all black.

Then to celebrate Tiffany and I took the elevator all the way back down and found an Irish pub around the corner where I bought her a beer. She had to go meet her boyfriend so we didn’t stay long enough to get food or anything but we exchanged numbers and she said she would call me over the weekend. I can’t believe it! I thought that finally seeing the lights of Times Square my first night here was the best day in the city, but I think today tops that!

Tuesday, September 4th, 2001

Dear Diary,

I had my first day of work at Windows on the World and I think it went really well! They had me shadowing Lionel, one of the experienced servers, and he was great. He’s a stand-up comedian so he had hilarious little bits about all of the regulars, and was generally just super welcoming and entertaining. One of our customers was a handsome guy in a suit eating alone who I think was about my age, but looked older because he was dressed so formally. We made such intense eye contact that I felt naked, not to mentioned embarrassed that I was so obviously the newbie trailing around after Lionel. He paid in cash and tipped us really well, and left his phone number for me on the receipt! He even remembered my name because he wrote “for Ashley” before the number which is so funny because I was also wondering all morning if Lionel is gay or just charming. I don’t know if I’m going to call him though, I’m not sure I want to get involved with anyone so soon after moving to the city and I feel like anyone who wears a suit to work is just on a different planet from me.

Anyway, the food there is obviously much fancier than Sunrise but the menu is actually much smaller, so it’s easy to find things on the computer screen to punch them in. Lionel was impressed with how quickly I was catching on. I need to memorize all of the modifications and work on pronouncing some of the French-sounding words smoothly but otherwise I feel pretty good about it. Oh and I need to stop staring out the windows which is hard because the views are incredible! We’re on the 106th floor and it feels like we’re on top of the world. All of the other skyscrapers look so short compared to us, expect maybe the Empire State building.

I can’t forget the best part - right as we were setting up lunch service at 11:30, I swear I saw David Henry Hwang! I was trying to play it cool (and not get fired on my first day) but it really looked like him. I remembered he teaches at Columbia, and his Aida is currently playing so it makes sense that he would live in New York but I can’t believe I saw a real theater celebrity so soon!

Friday, September 7th, 2001

Dear Diary,

I am pleased to say that as of end of service yesterday, I am officially off training and able to work independently! It’s going to take a while to get used to the formal atmosphere in the dining room, and I definitely need some nicer clothes since everything “black” I own is actually faded to look gray, but this morning went well. Lionel was working too and encouraged me to ask him questions but I didn’t need much help. The other server working, I forgot her name, wasn’t as friendly but she wasn’t mean, so it was fine. I’ll have to ask Tiffany about her. I haven’t seen Tiffany at work because she comes in a few hours after I leave, but I talked to her last night and we’re going to meet up for coffee in Central Park tomorrow! I’m excited because I haven’t been to the park yet, I just keep seeing it as a big green rectangle in the middle of the subway map.

Something else happened at work today… I ran into the handsome guy from Tuesday in the elevator on my way out! He got on at the 57th floor. He recognized me immediately and joked about how I hadn’t called him, but not in a mean way, he was actually really sweet. We chatted in the lobby for a few minutes and I found out his name is Evan, he graduated from college in May, and is working at one of the investment banks in the building. It sounds like he works crazy hours, but really loves the stuff he’s doing, like his eyes kind of sparkled when he was telling me about it which was adorable. He has a big presentation at the end of next week so said he wouldn’t be able to come visit me upstairs, but I blurted out that I could bring him coffee on my break on Monday morning and he seemed excited about that. (I don’t officially get a break but everyone else smokes and just disappears to go have a cigarette every hour or two so I can definitely sneak away for a few minutes). Anyway, I know I said I wasn’t going to get involved with anyone yet but I do kind of like him.

Monday, September 10th, 2001

Dear Diary,

I did it! No, I didn’t get a part, although I did go to another audition with Tiffany on Saturday afternoon. I snuck out of work to see Evan this morning! It actually wasn’t a big deal at all. I made a coffee in a to-go cup (even the cups are fancy, they have the Windows on the World logo embossed in gold) just the way he likes it with one sugar and the tiniest bit of then just took the elevator down to 57. He had told me the suite number of their company so it was easy to find but I was kind of embarrassed to ask the receptionist for him. I shouldn’t have been though because she did not care at all, just picked up the phone and called him in the most bored voice I have ever heard in my life, it was actually kind of impressive.

He came right out and then we went out into the elevator lobby and chatted for a few minutes before we both had to go back to work. He said he wants to take me out to dinner but it will have to be on the weekend after he does this big presentation which is fine with me because I have some evening auditions lined up for the next few days anyway. I found out he’s originally from Chicago so he actually kind of knew where Millersburg was or at least was polite enough to pretend he did. He’s a wholesome Midwest boy, trying to make it in the big city just like me! He was wearing a navy suit today which really made he blue eyes pop, and this sounds so stupid but he has really sexy hands…I should go to bed and not spend more time swooning over him but he asked me to come down again tomorrow a little bit earlier, around 8:30, because he said he could duck out for a longer before his boss gets there! We apparently have a big conference tomorrow morning but I think I can sneak away for a few minutes between set up and service.

8:52 am September 11, 2001 BREAKING NEWS ALERT

An airplane has crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. First responders are on the scene. We will update this breaking developing story as additional information becomes available.