LOOKING OUT TO GOODBYE

LOOKING OUT TO GOODBYE Georgina lowole It was on Monday in the afternoon soon after I came from school. Mum and dad were not home they went to the farm. I was washing my school uniform to be used the next day. It was my habit to wear clean clothes always and to be smart. Many girls admired how I was and some were jealous off coarse so I accepted it for thus how life is. I was busy washing my clothes when Mr. Mbewe reached our house aggressively, he looked very serious and angry. I gave him a chair to sit but he remained standing and he asked where my dad was, I wondered why he was acting so weird like that. In fact Mr. Mbewe was one of well-known people in the community for he owned a shop on the trading center. Most of times he looked cool and calm but the story changed on this day that I started shaking cause of fear. I told him that my dad wasn’t home but he couldn’t believe me and he suspected that I was hiding my father. I tried to ask what wrong did my father do to him but he couldn’t spit it out. Mr. Mbewe warned to come back some times after. I continued washing then I went to visit my friend and write our homework. After meeting Zwolire I went straight to the well nearby her house there I sat down, full of thoughts with the situations at home I thought the best way is to say goodbye silently without no one noticing, I quite stayed for hours, and the moment I was about to jump into the well zwolire saw me and asked me a funny joke, at that moment all I wanted to say is goodbye but she kept on laughing while talking, Zwolire; so you think you can jump like a lion Chotonda: what do you think?’ Zwolire; I think you getting confused in your head you don’t have the legs that can jump like a lion you must be dreaming chatonda, hahahah! She continued with her jokes I kept quite listening to her, while sitting down besides the well and feeling the cold breeze air, then she stopped and looked at me with a confused gesture and surprised, then I immediately stood up and started heading home. As I was going back home during sun set when I approached home I was puzzled with the noise and shouting which was coming from our compound. I walked fast then I reached home only to find Mr. Mbewe taking some goods from our house. Dad was trying to talk to him but Mr. Mbewe didn’t give him chance. Mum was standing aside shading tears. Thus when I learnt that dad had a debt wealth 50 thousand kwacha to payback to Mr. Mbewe. I walked few more steps close to where mum was, I could hear anger in MR. Mbewe’s voice. He was angry and furious. He took a lot of our belongings the likes of chairs, TV screen, kitchen utensils and many more. He came with two strong young men who were helping him taking our goods. Dad wanted to beg him to at least leave cooking materials but he pushed dad to the soil. Dad was sitting in the sand helpless. I went down to him to help him up but he refused my help. He felt sorry for himself for he was shamed in front of his own daughter. My young brother who was wrapped on my mums back started crying. Mr. Mbewe and his crew started carrying our goods. The house was filled with loud silence. No one courage to break the silence. Dad walked slowly to the veranda and sat on the floor. The house was empty, water from the departed tins was flowing from one room to the other. John my young brother, was crying due to hunger so mum wanted to cook and there was no pot to use unfortunately, at that moment all I thought of was to say goodbye to my mum and run away, I got closer just when I wanted to talk my young brother came crying to me he wanted me to hold him in my hands, I tried to avoid him so that I should talk to mum but he kept on interrupting me, and mum was busy crying that I failed to talk I waited until it was dark. I quickly went out of the house I started running fast and fast all I needed was to be hit by the car, it was very dark and I couldn’t see what was on the ground, then I stopped and I heard voice calling me The moment I answered him my eyes itched and I saw deem then there I was sleeping in a hospital. I felt headache, my eyes so heavy but everyone surrounding me was happy after I opened my eyes. Mum was seating on the side of my hospital bed, her eyes were wet of tears. Were those tears of joy or tears of fear? I didn’t know. Uncle Aubrey was also there looking at me with happy face. I leant that I was in hospital for a week admitted. I was involved in an accident, the time I stopped to see what was on the ground was the time our neighbor rushed to inform my parents and by the time I heard a voice calling out my name had to look back while crossing the road and I got hit by the car, I wanted to shout my goodbye I guess my father’s voice interrupted me because the because I felt on a good place where I only got injured on my right leg. Days passed in the hospital and the day came that I got discharged from the hospital, Zwolire spoke of different stories to make me happy but she was just disturbing me cause all I wanted was to reach home as fast as possible to see mum and ask her why she left the hospital after I was awake. I wanted to tell her that I hated her for leaving me with Zwolire and Uncle Aubrey. We were in public transport everyone was silence. Zwolire’s eyes were getting wet. I could see tears clouding up but I didn’t want to ask her. To my wonder Zwolire begged the driver to take us home instead of leaving us at Kato to secondary where we could use motorcycle. The driver accepted then we continued the journey. The driver changed the speed we were moving slowly, I hated his I idea because I missed mum. I could see our house from far, and then we approached it the car stopped beside the road. Then Zwolire came to me, hugged me so tight; she said she wanted to tell me something but why was she hugging me? Now tears started flowing down her chick. Why was she crying now? Her actions scared me, by this time uncle was offloading my belongings from the car. His lips started trembling failing to announce the news he said he wanted to tell me. My heart started beating fast and hard whatever he wanted to tell me I figured it out on my own. My eyes broke into a river of tears, my mouth murmuring what my brain couldn’t recognize. “I realized that y mum is dead, I cried uncontrollably, well I had to accept it, after some months we had to travel from the village after mourning my mum back to our home, and after arriving the night was going slowly I went to mums room to check it. I switched own the lights; the room was so quiet that I heard the sound of cockroaches clacking in mums shelf. There was a rat on the other corner of the house, it looked at me then it smelled the air the quiet atmosphere scared the rat that it ran into the hiding place under the bed. Mums room was not the way as it used to be. The well-dressed bed turned into a mess. The blanket was hanging beside the bed. I went close to the bed then I knelt down and prayed a longer prayer. I moved her pillow case and saw her phone. The battery was drained I couldn’t switch it on. I plugged it in the socket to charge it. The slow ticking of battery bars made me restless I couldn’t wait for it to get charged. After some minutes I switched it on then there it was me on her wallpaper. My tears started flowing after I saw myself on her wallpaper. I went to dialed call list then I saw that the last person to call her Mrs. Gondwe, she was staying nearby our house, she was the first person who witnessed my mms death due to heart attack. Well I thought of starting over and in so doing I gave a thought of ending my relationship with wanthanza and say goodbye to him, I called him and he picked up at the first ring, I pulled up my breath then sighed and said: “Hey honey am sorry I missed your call I over slept…….He interrupted while I was speaking and told me everything was ok. The only thing I like of him was that he really loved me, He understood me whenever I was wrong. He was my best friend, my man and my guardian angel. Perhaps goodbyes create new life or they bring death, my name is Chatonda I’m 20 years old.