The Lights on Main Street

‘We finished our joint and climbed down the ladder of the water tower. The air was cool blowing off the lake. Tall trees creaked in its path. The foghorn from the Lighthouse bellowed in the thick air as the mist rolled in. In Lakeview, we had yet to change from the old, compressed-air horns to the automated electric ones. And it would moan so loud that it would shake the lighthouse and the rocks surrounding it. After the big freeze of February, it was a welcome sound. Lake Erie froze over completely for the first time in like a hundred years, making the foghorns useless.

“So really, why won’t you come with me? Is it your dad?”

“I don’t know. It’s… comfortable here.” I replied

“Rick will be just fine. You can always visit. No one ever did anything worth noting by stickin’ around the same old town. Besides, this place is changing whether you like it or not. I mean, a Walmart? In Lakeview? Next thing you know, they’ll have traffic lights on Main Street”. She gave a wink. “Come with me, Danny?”

I ignored the question as if it were rhetorical and turned to grab my skateboard from the back of her truck.

“Don’t dismiss me like that! Whenever I bring it up you do this.” Her tone was escalating.

“Leah, it’s not like we’re dating. You were totally happy to go alone when you planned this. You don’t need me.”

“It’s not about me, dickhead. You’re throwing your life away! Because you’re afraid.”

“I’m not. I ….”

“You are! You’re just going to stay here and be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of your life, whether it’s the park or the mill. In a town you can’t stand. Just like…”

Pause.

“Like what, Leah?” I said it in a tone that made her blurt out:

“Just like your dad!”

I turned angrily and headed down the gravel path toward town. Shortly after, Leah’s truck drove quickly by me, pushing dust into a cloud. I could taste it mixed with the smell of the exhaust from her carbureted engine.

The fog was thick. I made my way to Route 6 and continued North, past my street.

“Why did Leah blow up like that? I know she cares about me. I think she over-reacted, though.” I skated to Main St. and took a left at Harper’s Diner. I could see my friend, Robbie inside talking to Katie Harper.

The street was empty, cold. But the glow of the streetlights felt inviting and warm. The only sound was of my polyurethane wheels ka-clunk-ing in the cracks of the sidewalk. Ka-clunk, ka-clunk, push, ka-clunk, ka-clunk. As I got closer to the lighthouse, it let out a loud bellow that felt like an attack on my sensory system. I sat on my board by the rocks put in place to protect the structure from a furious lake. But it was calm now. I pulled my hoodie over my head, and braced for the next blast. Through the fog, in the distance, I could see a single ship with its light on. Alone on the vast lake, unable to land ashore. “Maybe Leah’s right.” I thought. “Maybe I am afraid.” '

***

‘Leah was leaving Lakeview in a of couple days to go to a big fancy Art school in New York. My job ended in September every year, but that year I thought it might be for good. Rumor had it old man Harlan was finally looking to sell the place.

That’d been the rumor every year for the past ten years. Since 1986, when Six Flags took over Cedar Ridge Park, two hours up the road, Lakeview slowly lost business. But this year had been the worst; the steel mill closed down in the middle of the freeze and folks just weren’t spending money. So much so that the Langley’s closed the drive-in in the spring. Now they’re putting a Walmart there.

We had been going to that place since we were kids. We’d spend our admission money on candy from Sugar’s, then sneak in to the drive-in and try to sit close enough to a car that we could hear the movie. Sometimes the people in the car would see us and get mad. And sometimes they would be cool and turn up the volume. No one ever told on us, or told us to leave.

Dad took the closing of the steel mill hard. He worked there all his life and was near retirement. He didn’t have the ambition to start something new. He kept fixing things in the garage for people like he’d always done, but I paid most of the bills. He still got up at 5:30 a.m. everyday, made coffee and read the newspaper in complete silence.

He’d always say, “If it ain’t on fire, we don’t need to talk about it until after breakfast.” Even though breakfast for him meant a coffee and a Marlboro red.

After dinner, in our living room, the man on the TV spoke about another mill closing in Toledo.

“Used to be you could make a life in towns like this,, the whole world is going to shit” he said to no one in particular.

“I’m thinking about going with Leah, Dad.”

“What? To New York? You’re outta your damn mind. What you need to do is find yourself a real job.”

“Ironic since I’m the only one in this room actually employed.” I didn’t say that. I wanted to.

“I have a real job Dad.”

“What at, that glorified carnival? Go down to the docks and see if Gary will hire you full time.” I worked there under-the-table the past couple off-seasons when the lake wasn’t frozen . “That’s a real job. He says you’re a real hard worker. If you keep your mouth shut, you might be able to make a career out of it.”

“I’m leaving, Dad.”

“Like Fuck you are.. " My dad was never a violent man. He just demanded ‘respect’, which meant it was his way or no way.

“I’m leaving. I’m going to New York to live with Leah.”

“To what? Live like a damn hippy artist? In Harlem?” He paused. “Harlem’s not the problem. You’re going to ruin your life! You just don’t fit in with those…”

“Those what, Dad?”

“Those… people. And don’t you start. You know it’s true. Something bad will happen to you… , and you hate traffic, and stairs. You won’t do well in a big city. Nobody gives a fuck about you there.” Now he was rambling, a tell-tale sign he’d reached the obnoxious phase of the evening. “You’re gonna walk around staring like it’s a museum. You’ll get into trouble.”

What he really meant was, “Who’s going to pay my bills? Who is going to buy me more beer when I‘m too drunk to drive.” or “Who’s gonna pick me up when I get tossed out of the Harbor Bar or when Sheriff Rourke puts me in a cell for the night?”

Who is going to hold this house together when I leave? If I leave. I can’t leave. I left him rambling in the living room. Who knows how long he went on.’

***

‘Leah Torres has been my best friend and next-door neighbor since fifth grade. Well, my fifth grade. She was always a grade ahead of me. I remember thinking she was so cool because she dressed different; band tees, flannel shirts, leather jacket. And she was from Columbus. The ‘Big City’. I thought it was a big city anyway, because it’s our state capital and they always told us in school that Columbus was the biggest city in Ohio. She introduced me to hip-hop, grunge, and soul food. I introduced her to fishing, country music and Katie Harper’s buckeye pie. She didn’t much take to the music.

“Sorry I was so harsh on you last night, Danny.” Leah spoke softer than usual. I felt she was about to get very honest. “It’s just… it bugs me how your dad acts. With zero accountability. And guilts you into thinking he can’t survive without you.” My feeling was right.

“But he’s been through..”

“We all go through stuff, Danny. But it’s selfish for him to make it your problem too.”

“I owe him. He raised me.”

“That’s not how that works. Kids don’t owe their parents. Parents take care of their kids. It’s just what they do. It’s what they should do.”

“I just wish he wouldn’t drink so much.”

“That’s not going to change. Or it would have a long time ago.” She was dancing around what she really wanted to say; that it’s him that doesn’t give a fuck about me. But how could he? If he does it sure doesn’t feel like it.

She stopped on the road in front of my house. “I’m leaving at 8 a.m. sharp if you change your mind.” I got out and watched as she drove next door, knowing, but not realizing that would be the last time.’

***

‘Inside the house, Dad was asleep on the couch. I crept quietly so I didn’t wake him. I sat on the edge of my mattress, thinking about what Leah had said; nothing was going to change here. Not for the better.

Maybe I still blamed him for what happened to Mom. Maybe I should’ve gone to California with you. I was a kid. I would’ve been a bother. And I had school. What if I regretted not going with Leah, too? I thought I wanted to. Dad would’ve been so pissed. I was afraid to tell him. What if it didn’t work out. I could never come back. The rest of my life would be “I told you so” and resentment. So, not much different than now. And Leah will be there. I picked up a pen and piece of paper off my desk.

“Dad,” I began to write. “I’m sorry I had to do it this way, but I’m leaving to go to New ….”

The door knocked and opened all at the same time. I had enough time only to drop the pen and pick up the paper. “Listen, Dann…” He noticed the paper. “Whatcha got there.” The way I turned around, it looked as if I was handing it to him. He snatched it out of my hand before I could say otherwise. His lips moved as he read the one line I had written.

“We’ve been through this. You’re not leaving!”

“I am leaving and you can’t stop me!”

“Like hell I can’t.” He took my moment of courage, however brief, as a challenge. He had never hit me before. This was the first time. My head hit the floor and my eye socket felt numb. I was afraid to open my eye for fear I might not be able to. I was also afraid if he saw I was still conscious, he’d hit me again. I lied there, motionless, for what seemed like hours. When I came to, Rick was passed out on the couch, sitting up this time. Like he fell asleep keeping guard. I thought this might be my only chance, and grabbed the tiny hard shelled suitcase from my closet grandma bought me when we went to Disney that one year. I threw everything I cared about that could fit inside. My CD binder, my last high school year book, my favorite mechanical pencil and my notepad, a coin from the park, and a sock full of cash I had hidden. One thing Dad taught me. I threw in as many clothes as I could and my toothbrush and zipped the case shut.

“Leah. Leah. Wake up.” It hurt to talk.

“Danny? How’d you..? What are you doing here. It’s 4 in the morning.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Okay. Dope. You couldn’t have waited until at least sunrise?” She turned on the lamp on her nightstand. “Jesus Christ, Danny! Your face! Are you… does it hurt?” She reached out to touch my swollen cheek but pulled back, not wanting to hurt me.

“I’m fine. We just have to go as soon as we can.”

“Was it Rick?” I said nothing. “Just let me get dressed.” She was already halfway there. We were past the modesty stage. “I’m already packed. My dad was going to take me out for breakfast, but he’ll understand.”

We got in Leah’s truck and backed out of her driveway. Still dark. The fog would linger until the sun melted it away later that morning. We both glanced toward Rick’s house. He was standing in the window, watching. As we sped off the foghorn gave us a farewell bellow.

“Here’s the map. You’re the navigator. Don’t go fallin’ asleep on me.”’

***

“That was the last time I saw Rick alive.” Danny said.

“It’s not a lot different than what happened to me, to be honest. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, Danny.” Greg’s voice trembled slightly.

“It’s nothing you could do, Greg. You needed out. I get it now. I got it when it happened to me all those years ago.. I should have reached out.”

“Ah, don’t beat yourself up. Big New York writer, you’re probably busy, and time catches up… I’m your big brother. It’s my….”

“Let’s not dwell on it boys, we’re here now.” Leah said as she placed her arm behind Danny and kissed him on the cheek. “The driver’s out front, babe. He said he’s ready when you are.”

“Thanks. I’ll just be a minute. You can take the kids to the car. They’ve had a long day.”

“It was nice meeting you, Greg.” Leah and Danny shared a brief kiss and she walked away, into a room where the children were waiting, slouched and half asleep. Danny and Greg said their goodbyes, each promising to visit frequently and the like.

Danny put on his coat, gloves, and hat. As he stepped out into the cold Ohio air, a group of people smoking were talking and laughing. A couple of them noticed him.

“Sorry for your loss.” They chanted. Danny just nodded and gave a half smile, not really sure what to say.