It was an accident

Author's Note/Sensitive content; contains mentions of the death of an animal.

It was an accident.

“All you need to do is breathe.”

“I can’t breathe, Lexi. It’s not like this is a simple subject. It feels like everything is contracting, like there’s a stupid huge weight on my chest. You can’t possibly know what that means.”

Suddenly, it was like the walls of the office kitchen were starting to cave in, bubbling and shrinking, trying to squish me down to size. The after-hours coffee smelled burnt, adding to my dizziness. Somewhere beyond the kitchen, the office sat completely silent. No phones ringing. No coworkers talking. Just the distant groan of the building settling around us.

“No. Unfortunately, I don’t know what it means. I don’t know why you’re in such a panic. Like I said, all you need to do is breathe.”

I glanced around every so often to ensure we were the last ones left on the office floor. The rows of empty cubicles beyond the kitchen were dark, computer monitors black and chairs pushed beneath desks like everyone had simply disappeared hours ago.

She glanced me over, like she was trying to figure out a way around my current shitty predicament, even though there was no way around it.

Of course there wasn’t a way around it, because the predicament I had found myself in that I was currently telling her in a panic, was that I had, subsequently and by accident, maybe killed my boyfriend’s mom’s dog while his family was on vacation in Italy.

It was an accident, I swear.

I swear it wasn’t my fault that I may have had my purse open with a box of chocolates gifted to me by her for my one-year anniversary, a way to say, “Hey, we didn’t scare you off. You passed all of our mental tests!” Unfortunately, this, the death of a dog, was not on the agenda.

It’s not my fault her dog is roughly the size of a guinea pig and I didn’t notice her shuffle her small body across the carpet and into my bag. It’s not my fault that she tipped the lid off the container and consumed not one, not two, but five pieces of candy and proceeded to throw up violently all over the carpet. It wasn’t my fault she became completely hyperactive and burst into seizures over the course of the next few days.

She was old. It was bound to happen eventually, right?

Her little heart was bound to stop eventually, right?

Lexi looked at me in shock. Of course, this sounded like I was crazy, like I was a complete and total sociopath who didn’t care that she killed her boyfriend’s mom’s dog.

By accident.

But…it was my fault.

I was the one who left my purse on the floor. I was the one who left it open. I was the one who came in drunk from brunch and just disregarded it. I was the one who stopped paying attention to little Miss Muffet. I was the one who let this happen.

I was the one who now wanted to Weekend at Bernie’s my boyfriend’s mom’s dog while they enjoyed the Tuscan countryside.

I had to figure out what to do with an animal’s corpse.

Wait! That’s it!

“I know that look,” Lexi said as I felt my brow raise. “No, don’t give me that look. That look means that you have a stupid idea coming to the forefront of your brain.”

“Weekend at Bernie’s.”

The idea slipped off my tongue before I could catch it, and judging by Lexi’s expression, I must have looked insane.

“How are you going to Weekend at Bernie’s a dog?”

Yeah, she’s unimpressed.

“Just admit you killed it, that it was an accident.”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER.”

“It was an accident, and your childish tendencies are going to put you in a much deeper hole if you don’t rightfully admit your mistake.”

“I can’t do that!” I shrieked.

She looked taken aback, the fluorescent lights giving her an eerie glow as the humming made my skin crawl.

“His mom hates me. No, she LOATHES me. Why would I want to admit I killed her dog? She’ll use that as an excuse to get rid of me.”

“So, you’re going to pretend the dog is alive? How? You going to dress her up in little outfits, parade her around like a marionette, take her on walks by dragging her on a leash through the borough? You already know the old lady that lives on the corner is nosy and very aware that the dog was alive last night.” She paused, the look of realization mixed with annoyed amusement settling onto her face. “You know what? I hope you resort to something as ridiculous as that. I’d love to see the look on her face when she sees the lifeless animal dragging three feet behind you.”

“That sounds ridiculous.” I choked out a laugh, but Lexi wasn’t laughing. She kept her expression.

“Why would I walk the dead dog?”

“Exactly. Why would you walk the dead dog? The dead dog who is still, mind you, snuggled up in the corner of your living room.”

I paused, staring out into the dimly space imagining what the lifeless body of the animal looked like now in my living room.

She wouldn’t have moved all day. She would have looked peaceful, a small white, fluffy dog.

Only if peaceful meant she was sleeping, still breathing, instead of lacking breath entirely.

We both jumped as my phone unexpectedly rang, my boyfriend’s name flashing across the screen. Lexi moved as the linoleum floor squeaked under her feet.

Suddenly, the tightness in my chest worsened. I couldn’t swallow. My palms became clammy.

The sudden rush of water from the faucet heightened my awareness as the screen went black, and I found myself able to breathe...

For a total of two seconds as my phone rang again.

“Looks like he’s being relentless. You’re lucky it’s not a FaceTime call,” she sneered, drying off the mug and placing it in the drying rack. “I’m going to head out and let you handle this.”

Her expression softened when she read the panic on my face.

“Just tell him the truth. It may cause a buffer for a while, but you’ll be honest. Don’t pull the Weekend at Bernie’s stunt. Don’t be ludicrous.”

“Right.”

My response was barely audible.

“Okay.” She tapped on the counter, the echo like a drum pounding in my ears. “I’m counting on you to make a smart, sensible decision and not an idiotic one out of panic.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll talk later.”

With that, her heels clicked down the hallway, the sound reverberating in my eardrums as she left me alone. I listened as they grew quieter, disappearing past the empty cubicles and around the corner toward the elevators. Then there was silence again.

Real silence.

The kind that only exists when you're completely alone in a building that should be full of people.

My phone rang again, his name glowing on the screen, taunting me.

“Hello.”

I finally answered. I could hear his voice on the other end, full of life and excitement, unlike the dog in the corner of my living room.

The fluorescent lights continued humming above me. Somewhere down the hallway, an elevator dinged.

I knew was this conversation state I was about to walk through a door or close it for good.

A weak smile played across my lips, “Yeah she's good, she’s sleeping at home."