I Remember

Jaritza

Jaritza and Amaya were running late for school again. This time it wasn’t even her daughter’s fault. Amaya had laid out an entire outfit the night before, shoes and all. Her book bag was packed and she was finishing a piece of toast at the kitchen table before Jatiiza had even changed out of her pajamas.

“Mom we are going to be late. Again.”

Her daughter looked up from her phone long enough to shoot Jaritza a judgmental frown.

“I have a spelling test today. If I miss it Ms. Namor will make me do it at lunchtime.”

Jaritza quickly threw on a pair of jeans and ran a brush through her long brown hair.

“Don’t worry about that, baby,” she replied. “I will just tell her it was my fault. Also she can’t make you take a test during lunchtime. It's against the rules.”

The truth was that the 4th grade teacher had tried that with a different kid at the beginning of the year. Within half an hour the principal had received six different emails.

“Dear Mrs Michaels. I do not give permission for my child to do any schoolwork during lunchtime.”

“My child gets very emotional when she is hungry so she can never miss lunch to take a test.”

“Lunchtime is when my child gets to decompress. Please do not ever do this with him.”

“If I ever find out my child was forced to take a test during lunch you will be hearing from my lawyer.”

And so on. None of them were actually from the parent of that particular child. That parent had already sent a text to Ms. Namor asking why she could not see her child on the lunchroom camera feed. “I don’t see Amanda in her usual spot. Is something wrong? Is she ill? Please call me right away!”

The next day there had been a meeting with the teacher, the principal and the parent, followed by a 15 minute argument at that Thursday’s PTA meeting about whether or not making a kid take a test at lunch could legitimately be considered a form of child abuse. (Most parents had said yes of course it was, but agreed to just let Ms. Namor off with a warning.)

Jaritza didn’t mention any of this to her daughter, she just grabbed her by the hand and rushed out the door.

Amaya

Amaya was at her desk ten minutes after the start of the spelling test, but Ms. Namor just told her the words that she had missed. She even wrote them down for her so Amaya could quickly copy them onto her test paper. But then that whiny brat Cassandra complained that it wasn’t fair that Amaya got the answers when “everyone else was on time and had to spell them on their own.” Jordan then threatened to tell his mom that the test was unfair and three kids immediately pulled out their phones to text their own parents. So of course Ms. Namor just wrote the answers to the first 5 words on the smart board at the front of the classroom, everyone put their phones away, and they finished the test without any other interruptions.

Amaya didn’t really care either way, The words were easy for her; all the words were, she had been reading long chapter books since the 2nd grade. Her mom said that when she was growing up kids like Amaya were put in special classes and given harder work. She had actually referred to it as a “Gifted and Talented Program”, causing Amaya to widen her eyes in shock. “But mama, ALL kids are gifted. How can there be a spacial class for only some of them?”

Her mom had just shrugged and mumbled “Times were different back then”, which was the kind of thing she said when she didn’t want to say the wrong thing and have to write a whole long apology letter to everyone in the neighborhood.

The truth was Amaya wasn’t at all focused on school today anyway. She was too excited about Kayleigh’s birthday party, which was finally happening this weekend! Everyone was talking about it. First of all, there was going to be real cake, sugary sweet, with vanilla buttercream frosting. Amaya couldn’t remember the last time she had had actual frosting!

Also, it was a sleepover, and Amaya had never, ever been to a sleepover. None of her friends had, a slumber party in the 4th grade was practically unheard of. There were “sleep unders” sometimes where all the parents picked their kids up around 10pm, but no one ever stayed overnight at anyone’s house, not even at the fancy ones that had cameras in every room like the ones their parents logged into at school.

Kayleigh didn’t have a camera in all the rooms, but she recently had installed one in the basement where the girls would be sleeping (the login and password were written right on the invitation), and Kayleigh’s mom had promised to stay up all night just in case one of them needed to be escorted to the bathroom in the middle of the night or they got thirsty or whatever.

Of course, at least half of the parents in Amaya’s class had still immediately forbade their kids from going, but Amaya’s mom had said yes!

It was Wednesday, which meant Amaya had dance afterschool. Dance was on Mondays and Wednesdays, Tuesday was her karate lesson, and Thursday she had art. Friday was technically supposed to be the day Amaya could invite friends over for supervised playtime in their living room, however most of her friends had signed up for Friday soccer this year, so instead she often read or watched funny You Tube videos.

Her mom left her inside the classroom and went upstairs to the parent room, which had a large window where parents could watch their kids dance. Amaya had always assumed they would mostly just stare at their phones, after all, that’s what her mom usually did. “I love watching you dance, baby. But not for 45 minutes straight.” It turned out, however, that some of the moms did actually watch the whole class because just last week Noelle’s mom had come downstairs right in the middle of hip hop to complain about the choreography. “I don’t pay $600 a session for my daughter to shake her butt like she is in a rap video. “

Of course Ms. Nataly had apologized and they had immediately switched to ballet. As far as Amaya could remember they hadn’t learned a hip hop dance since.

Today they were working on turns, which Amaya adored. She never got dizzy like some of the other girls did, and she loved the feeling of spinning wildly across the floor, whipping her head around, her hair flying everywhere. It made her feel free.

After class, while the girls were changing out of their dance clothes, Cassandra sat down next to her.

“I heard you are going to Kayleigh’s party.”

Amaya nodded, a small smile on her lips. She knew for a fact that Cassandra’s mom was one of the ones who had said no.

“Aren’t you scared?”

Amaya shook her head. “Why would I be scared? Its a party.”

Cassandra frowned. “Yeah but a sleepover? What if something terrible happens? Like when you guys all go to bed?”

Amaya had no idea what could possibly happen to a bunch of 10 year olds asleep in sleeping bags in Kayleigh’s basement. Besides wasn’t her mom going to be there the whole time?

She relayed this bit of info to Cassandra who still looked uneasy.

“Yeah but she’s only one person. What if someone comes inside the house while you are sleeping and you know, does something bad?”

Amaya sighed. Her mom often said that everyone in town acted like monsters were just hiding in the bushes, ready to jump out and attack like in those old horror movies. They didn’t really make movies like that anymore, but Amaya knew what monsters were and she also knew that they weren’t real. When she had pointed this out, her mom had said no these kind of monsters were actually other people, people who did bad things to little kids.

“Your mean our neighbors are bad guys?”

Her mom had sighed then, and lowered her voice even though there was no one in the room but them.

“Of course not baby. None of our neighbors are bad guys. Most people aren’t actually bad either. It's just that everyone is afraid of everything nowadays, even the damn air.“

Amaya knew her mom was not like everyone else. So she just smiled at Cassandra and said , “I am sure everything will be fine.”

Jaritza

It was Friday afternoon. Jaritza was in the kitchen, boiling water for Kraft Mac and Cheese (She knew it was terrible processed food but Amaya loved it!) While she waited for the water, she opened up the fridge and noticed that she was out of both milk and butter. Jaritza exhaled loudly, frustrated. Now she would have to get dressed, to put on shoes. Then she would have to make Amaya get dressed because she couldn’t possibly leave her home alone. Which meant she would have to shut off the water because she couldn't possibly leave an open flame unattended. Which meant it will take even longer to make lunch, which meant Amaya would be hungry. She went on like this in her mind for a few minutes before she finally slammed her fist on the counter, completely fed up. This was absolutely ridiculous!

“Amaya!”

Her daughter walked into the kitchen, a hopeful expression on her face.

“Is dinner ready? I’m very excited for Mac and Cheese!”

“Not yet baby,” Jaritza replied. “We are actually out of a few things. Can you go to the store down the street for me and grab a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter?"

“By myself?” Amaya’s eyes were wide and she was standing on her tippy toes just like she did in dance class.

“Yes, baby,” she said. “By yourself. If you can’t remember I’ll write it down for you.”

“It's ok mommy, I won’t forget. I remember.”

Amaya put on her shoes and her jacket. Before she walked out the door she asked if she should bring her phone so Jaritza can track her while she walks. Jaritza said no. The store is 4 blocks away. Her daughter is 10 years old. She will be fine.

Amaya

Amaya went outside. Immediately her next door neighbor, Ms Norris, who'd just gotten home, stopped her with wide, worried eyes and asked where her mom was. Amaya replied that she was inside the house and that Amaya was just going to the store.

“Is your mom feeling sick? Is she hurt? Do you need me to call 911?”

Amaya shook her head.

“No,” she said. “My mom is fine, she is making Mac and cheese. I am going to the store for a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter. “

Ms, Norris shook her head and quickly hurried inside the house.

Jaritza

Barely two minutes had passes when Jaritza got a text from her next door neighbor asking if everything was ok . She had just seen Amaya outside alone. Was there an emergency? Did Jaritza need some help?

Jaritza replied that everything was fine, her daughter was just going to the store. A few minutes later she got another text from Mr Johnson at the end of the street, who said that his neighbor had told him that Amaya was outside alone. Did she need someone to come over and watch her child? Jaritza once again replied no, of course not. Her daughter was 10 years old. The store was 4 blocks away.

The man said well at least Amaya had her phone and her mom could track her. Jaritza decided not to mention that she had told her kid to leave her phone at home.

She got two more texts while she stood there by the stove waiting for the water to boil. All concerned parents. All asking if she needed help.

What kind of world did they live in where it was such a big deal that she sent her kid to buy some groceries?

Amaya

Amaya arrived at the store and easily found what she needed. When she brought it up to the register, the cashier, a young man she recognized from the neighborhood, asked where her mom was.

“My mom is at home,” Amaya replied

“Is everything ok?” the cashier asked. ”Do you need me to call the police for you?”

Amaya shook her head, replying that of course everything was ok. She then repeated what her mom had said.

“I am 10 years old. I live 4 blocks away. My mom sent me to the store to buy a loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter. And I remembered it, my mom didn’t even have to write it down!”

The man didn't seem all that proud of her, in fact he still looked concerned.

“Well”, he said at last. “At least you have your phone so your mom can track you right?”

Amaya decided not to mention that her mom had told her to leave her phone at home.

Jaritza

Amaya arrived at home with all the supplies, which of course she had remembered. She commented that she liked going to the store by herself but that everyone acted like it was such a big deal.

“Mama” she asked. “Is the world really so scary?”

“No,” Jaritza replied. ‘Everyone has just been tricked into thinking it is.”

Amaya paused for a second. Then she shook her head.

“Mama, how am I ever going to learn to be a grownup if I never do anything on my own?

This time it was Jarotza’s turn to pause.

“You won’t.” she finally replied.

6 Months Later

Amaya

It was Wednesday again, and Amaya gave her mom a big hug before heading off to school, alone. She had her phone in her jacket pocket just in case but she walked with her hands free, arms swinging by her side. In her other pocket was another grocery list; her mom had asked if she could stop by the store and grab a few things after dance class. Apple juice, some canned tomato sauce, and a box of macaroni which she will cook all by herself on the stove later because her mom recently taught her how to make pasta.

Dance is the only class Amaya still took, the rest of the time she went to the playground, or sometimes to the local library to check out books. Often Kayleigh came with her, she just had to call her mom when she got there. And it sounded like Hallie’s mom was starting to come around too. Hallie had certainly been bugging her enough. “Mom you know exactly where the playground is. I will have my phone with me the whole time. Come on, I am almost 11 years old!”

Occasionally they saw other friends from school and the girls would all play together while their moms stared nervously from the playground bench.

“Did you see that article about the man who was arrested yesterday in Blairstown? Apparently he was hanging out at a playground just like this.” “So scary! And I just read a post about a teacher who had a bottle of vodka in her desk. Right there in the classroom where anyone could find it. Can you imagine?” “Should we ask them to check all the desks at school? You know, just in case?” “Absolutely, I will send an email to the PTA the minute I get home. You really can never be too careful. " "Right? There are just crazy people everywhere.”

Amaya always rolled her eyes when she heard them. She knew what those other moms said about her and her mom, but she didn’t care. She liked being independent. She knew how to keep herself safe; her mom had taught her to look out for traffic and to never go anywhere with someone she doesn’t know. Not that there is anyone like that in their town anyway.

Her mom still said that most people in the world were good. That even the bad ones probably got that way for a reason. She said that maybe when Amaya grew up she could be a doctor, or a therapist, or a teacher. Someone who helped people. Amaya thought that would be pretty cool, if she didn’t become a dancer that is.

She still really loved to spin.