Writer For Hire

Re: Writer for Hire

To Whom it May Concern,

I am writing in response to the position posted on JobSeeker, dated 1/30/26, seeking a writer. In lieu of a standard (boring, mundane) resume, I have decided to more thoroughly express my talents through a letter.

They say, “The pen is mightier than the sword,” and that is just what I am. A BIC Glide (formerly Atlantis) Exact Retractable Black Pen. My retail price for a pack of 12 is $17.99, a small price for the genius that is borne of my ebony ink. You may be asking yourself, “Why consider this particular writer for the job, when a keyboard is arguably much faster? Do I dare take a chance on this antiquated item?” I counter that argument with the fact that the creative process of meticulously forming each word is far superior to the tap-tap-typing of a keyboard. Allowing my smooth, fine tip the opportunity to caress the white page with word after word is paramount to cold keystrokes. In fact, studies have shown that there are vastly more neural connections made, neurons fired, and higher order cognitive functions when writing by hand (with yours truly) than typing. Fingers flying while sitting at a computer, or worse yet, on your phone, is simply a much more passive cognitive engagement than pen in hand. A writer such as myself, firmly grasped, giving the kinesthetic feedback of transferring thoughts to the visual representation of words on paper while writing is like no other feeling.

In contrast to my counterpart, the BIC Round Stic M, there is no scratchy, stop-and-go movement in my writing process. The words flow quickly, clearly, and professionally. As a writer, I have been ergonomically designed for ease, comfort, and efficiency. That said, I would like to share a few five star reviews of my performance. These reviews were obtained organically, and not part of a promotion.

“This pen is absolutely my go-to when I need to write lengthy reports at work. It never smears across the page as others have in the past, ruining perfectly good projects. I’ll use the BIC Glide every time. - Greg D.”

“I write all my notes with this pen. My patients at the clinic have remarked how sleek and elegant it is every time I pull it from my lab coat pocket. My penmanship may be questionable, but not my pen. -Dr. Richard K.”

“This is the only pen my teachers at school will let me write with. And trust me, I’ve tried many others. It doesn’t get blobs of ink on the paper, and it looks really nice writing in cursive with it. It looks fancy. I only wish it came in pink, too. -Ella H.”

“I received this pen as a gift, and at first I was skeptical. I’ve always been a devoted Pilot G2/Precise Rollerball user, so this was unsettling. However, after using this pen first for banal grocery lists, then working my way up to professional use at my accounting firm, I have to say I will not go back. It’s everything and more. -Brady W.”

As you can see, I can write in any setting, any situation. I’ve changed the minds of pen users set in their ways, yet willing to start over with me. I’m adaptable and can go with flow (pun intended). Need a signature? I’ll write it with precision. Need a twelve page essay on how historeographic meta fiction challenges the traditional narrative by blending fact with fiction? I’ll write that with the utmost confidence, especially given my unique design element of a soft comfort grip which extends the full length of my barrel. How many other writers out there can make that claim?

I will not entertain the notion of you choosing a pencil as the writer you seek. Weak, flawed, susceptible to breakage, the list of cons is immeasurable. I do give you more credit than even considering a writer such as a yellow No. 2, no doubt with a chewed off dirty pink eraser. Unreliable at best, the No. 2 has been a let down more times than can be forgiven. I am reminded of The Great SAT Debacle of ‘98. You may recall this infamous testing failure, as it still weighs heavy on the minds and hearts of this town. An eager group of over 200 students reported for their SAT test one fine Saturday morning, claimed their seats, their test booklets, and lastly, their proctor-issued yellow No. 2s for the exam. Only, nary a No. 2 had been sharpened. Every crisp new box of 24 pencils had flat bottoms, no usable lead to be had. Panic ensued as the time began to count down for testing. Students ran to the insufficient number of sharpeners available in the classrooms, knocking over desks and trampling the smallest of the intellectuals. A student fainted. Another was so anxiety ridden by the situation, she ran crying from the testing center. Rumor has it, not a single student passed the SAT that day. They were not only traumatized, but forced to relive the situation at the next test taking opportunity. Understandably, many brought their own pencils to the next session. A pen such as myself would have never let them down.

As you can see, there are no other writers more suited for the position available than myself. I have no doubt I would excel at all projects presented. Should you be so inclined as to hire me as your writer, I am available immediately. I have attached several writing samples as well, each demonstrating a different genre. You’ll note the consistency across each, as well as the quality of my craft. The lines are crisp and even. The darkness of my ink remains stable from the first word to the last on each page. There are no breaks of ink mid-word, or evidence of air bubbles in my ink well. If hired for the position of writer in your fine organization, it would be my honor to complete every job to the best of my ability. I look forward to a reply.

Yours in writing,

BIC Glide (formerly Atlantis) Exact Retractable Black Pen