It's So Fluffy

The Elite Guard is waiting on the other side of the temple gate to arrest me. Which is going to make it very hard to get to the Ladder God. And if I can’t get there, there’s no way I can sacrifice myself.

“You could stuff me in a saddlebag again,” I can’t believe I just said that. Not that I have anything against saddlebags, but the beast the saddlebag is attached to is a whole different ball of wax. Those tiger-like dignits and I don’t get along. Actually, it’s just me, but who can blame me. They have very sharp teeth, and their bone structure is… Well, terrifying. Oh, sure, they look cute, and so far, they have only licked me and tried to play catch, but I can see through their cute façade.

“Don’t you think it will be obvious if the Sacrifice isn’t anywhere to be seen? They don’t call it the Last March of the Sacrifice for no reason.” Alora is a stinking genius. Nothing gets past her robotic mind. “Although Bob had said something about ritual costumes. I wonder how elaborate we can get?” Alora said this more to herself than to me.

Thoughts of Halloween on Earth filled my head: ghosts, movie characters, princesses, and monsters. Of course, those costumes are all fine and dandy on Earth, but what kind would this planet use?

Alora spoke up, “We need to talk with Bob. The only way to get past the Elite Guard is with a disguise. I can’t see any other way.”

We found Bob meditating in his quarters.

“You are here to discuss the Elite Guard.” Bob hadn’t opened his eyes, nor had we said a word.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“The Ladder God reveals all.”

Alora and I looked doubtfully at each other. This whole god-thing is getting a little out of hand.

“Alright, know-it-all, what are we to do?” I asked.

Bob stood with a smile. “I forgot you’re a god. Forgive me. I suppose you’re not impressed by conversations with deities, since you do it every time you talk to yourself.”

Alora had all she could take. “Bob, you’re way off. Drew isn’t a god. He’s just a plain ordinary man, as plain as a loaf of bread, or a stick, or a rock.”

“I think he gets the idea,” I interrupted.

Bob gently laughed. “I believe you’re the one way off. He’s a great god. Not as great as the Ladder God, of course, but I’ve foreseen that our future will be tremendously better because of him.”

“I give up,” Alora said. “Sure, Drew is great. Why not? But how are we going to get his great butt up that ladder? The Elite Guard isn’t going to let it happen. Although you’d think a god could take care of those mortal pesky guards.” She pointed this last comment towards me with a smirk.

“Your idea will work, Alora,” Bob said.

It takes a lot to shock an android. But she rallied well. “What idea?”

“The one you suggested to Drew.”

“Yeah, I’m going to need you to say it.”

“Alora, your faith is very weak, but if it will help, I’ll spell it out for you. You want to know if we can disguise Drew effectively enough to slip past the Elite Guard. And the answer is yes, but you might not like it.”

Alora stood dumbfounded. I could see her robotic mind, smoking and hissing, trying to figure out how Bob had known about our secret conversation that had taken place on the other side of the temple.

“How do you know about our conversation?”

“I’ve already told you, but you don’t believe me. If I tell you again, will you believe me? I don’t think so. So I’m going to ignore your question and get right to the point. Only the priests and I know that Drew is the Sacrifice. There’s no reason for the Elite Guard to suspect he’ll be in the march. I have a costume that requires two people to wear. If you’re willing, Alora, we will be able to sneak both of you past the Elite Guard.”

“I’m willing, but you haven’t said anything about the costume, which is causing me to worry.”

“That’s because you’re wise. Really bad at faith, but very wise.” And with that, Bob went back to meditating.

Throughout the night, a throng of priests used flowers, lit candles, and silky materials (Can anyone say fire hazard?) to decorate wheelbarrows like parade floats.

Bob couldn’t have been more correct about his costume. We hated it. The three of us faced off in a battle of wills that Bob would eventually win, but Alora and I held out for as long as possible. Each minute outside the hideously cute costume felt like a victory. But we had to give in if we wanted to avoid the Elite Guard, and Bob knew it.

“There’s no use arguing. The sooner you put it on, the sooner we begin the march,” Bob said.

“I’m the head,” I said.

Alora grabbed the half of the costume with the head. “I don’t think so.”

I resigned myself to the rear and we left for the march.

The priests went crazy when we walked out, cheering and hooting. It took some cooperation for the two of us to walk the beastly thing, but we quickly figured it out. I’m just glad no one can see me. Walking as the back legs of this full-size pink dignit with big cutesy eyes and a blue bow tied around the neck is the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.

“Don’t forget to wag the tail,” Alora commanded.

And that just added to the indignity.

My job involved following Alora. I heard the cheering crowds, the priests’ prayers of thanksgiving, and Bob giving a blessing to the masses. I could hear, but I saw nothing, which is to be expected when you’re bringing up the rear.

We marched for over an hour before arriving at the Ladder God’s sacred site. Bob helped us out of our imprisonment and pointed to the ladder. “There it is. The ladder to the Ladder God’s abode.”

I stared in amazement. The ladder stood over a hundred feet into the air. Suspended from an unmoving storm cloud. No wonder the locals thought a god had parked here. If I’d never seen a chameleon shield before, I would have thought the same. But I have, and this is clearly a ship hiding behind a chameleon shield.

Bob had already told me I wouldn’t be climbing the ladder today. We had feasts, dances, poetry recitals, and a concert before we got to the actual sacrifice.

For right now, I just stared at the ladder, thinking about everything that had led up to this point. The tournament. The chase by the Elite Guard. The crash landing. It all brought me here. And now that I’m looking at how high the ladder is, I just realized something really important. I’m terrified of heights.