Coming Home

Anna’s finger hesitated in front of the doorbell. It had taken her ten minutes just to gather the courage to step out of her car. The cold wind that brushed her cheeks and sent a shiver down her spine wasn’t helping. She tugged her jacket tighter, trying to find some comfort in the situation.

Anna’s gaze traveled up the length of the double doors painted green and embroidered with flowers. They looked as though they belonged in a fairytale- like whatever was on the other side should mirror a dream instead of the nightmare she remembered. The ivy that bowed over the frame felt more familiar than the fragile beauty before her.

Glancing behind, her eyes followed the white brick walls that hugged the outdoor lawn on either side. They were connected by a fortified, black iron gate at the end of the property. Despite their purpose, Anna only felt caged and claustrophobic. Following the stone driveway, she found her car resting from the hour-long trip in the cul-de-sac: a grey minivan decorated with Star Wars stickers and two cat figurines sitting in the front window. It looked extremely out of place, especially when compared to the limousine parked in the open garage to her left. Anna felt an embarrassed blush flush her cheeks. She tried to breathe in order to settle the anxiety that climbed her throat.

No, she scolded herself, you are not running away again. Remember why you are here.

She turned around, pressing her finger into the doorbell. A delicate twinkle echoed throughout the house like tiny bells.

A few minutes later she heard the clacking of heels against marble growing louder. Each step made her heart beat faster. Anna glanced at the hedges wrapping around the mansion, wondering how well they could hide her vomit. Before she could retch, the door was cracked open and an old woman poked her head out to see who was there.

Grey hair was twisted behind her head in a pearlescent clip revealing the diamonds that dangled from her ears. A matching necklace decorated her gaunt collarbone and highlighted her angular features. The woman wore a white velvet blouse tucked into a faded blue, knee-length, skirt paired with thin white heels. Her pale skin was bare, but flawless because of expensive treatments. When Anna met the woman’s stare, she found no expression due to years of Botox, but she thought she sensed a hint of surprise in her dark eyes.

“Anastasia,” she breathed.

“Mother,” Anna clipped. The word tasted like venom, but as much as she hated it, she needed this woman’s help. She could play nice for a few hours.

“What are you doing here?” Natasha Quinn asked

“…Can we talk inside?” As she spoke, her teeth chattered. Thankfully her mother widened the door and stepped aside, gesturing for her to enter.

Natasha led Anna through a lavish foyer illuminated by a large chandelier that hung from the ceiling. A deep red rug with floral filigree lined the hall. Dark wooden stairs curved along the white wall to her right, across from an old desk below a golden rimmed mirror. Natasha took a few seconds to examine herself, smoothing out any wrinkles in her face that Anna may have caused.

When she was done, she led Anna into the living room which was just as extravagant. Dark green sofas and chairs circled a grand fireplace. A spark was dancing on the logs. Above, hung a giant painting of Natasha and Charles Quinn; between them stood a young girl, each of them had a hand clasped on one of her shoulders as if to keep her under control. The girl’s hair was tightly curled, balancing on the white sleeves of her dress and paired with lacy tights. Though she was only eight, her face was caked with makeup, causing her cheeks to appear rosier and her chocolate eyes more vibrant.

“Anastasia!” She could hear her mother chastising, “Why can’t you just stay still?”

“We’ve been at this for hours!” She whined.

“You’re lucky this is all you have to complain about. You can last a few hours more. Now smile dear, this needs to look perfect.”

The memory faded and all Anna saw when she looked at the painting was fake.

Everything was a performance with her mother. When Anna left, it had taken years to tear away the mask that had been glued to her skin. When she was able to, she felt free for the first time in her life. She completely cut herself off from her parents. Anna would no longer allow them to make her their marionette doll.

Now, once again, she would have to masquerade in order to please her mother. She softened her expression and pulled her gaze away from the painting.

Built into the alcove next to it, was a small bar with windowed cabinets, showing only the most expensive bottles. Bookshelves sat against each end of the room, filled with worn texts and small, but expensive, decoratives.

When Anna sat, an older man walked into the room. He had a thin mustache, grey hair that ringed his head, and he carried a silver trey.

“Can I get you anything, madame?”

“No, I’m fine, thank you,” she said and the man left. Anna sat opposite her mother who was watching her through narrow eyes over a glass of wine.

“I’m surprised you're here,” said her mother, “the last time I saw you, you made it perfectly clear that you wanted nothing to do with me and that you would never be coming back.”

Anna felt embarrassment heat her cheeks again. Instinctually, she shrank from Natasha’s stare. The older woman raised an eyebrow as if nothing had changed and Anna was still a small, inadequate child.

“Why are you here?” Natasha asked impatiently.

Anna wished she could have asked for a glass of wine to calm her nerves.

“Ace has been accepted into Windsor Academy.”

Her mother stared at her in confusion.

“Alice,” Anna corrected. She hadn’t used that name for her daughter in years.

“Oh! But you’re not thinking of sending her there, are you? From what I remember, you had called it a ‘prissy prison’.”

Hearing her mother quote her, Anna almost laughed

“But I also know this school was made for students like Alice. Windsor can give her a better education- one that actually academically challenges her.”

Her mother only nodded, knowing this was true since many of her friends had grandchildren enrolled at the academy.

Anna’s oldest daughter was extremely bright- a little too bright for her teacher’s liking. To them, Ace’s attention only seemed to focus when one of them made a mistake. It was no surprise when she received a call, asking when she had time to visit the principal’s office.

At first, Anna was surprised. Ace wasn’t one to get into trouble; she followed the rules as if breaking them would break her as well. But when Anna knocked on Principal Dumphrey’s door, he smiled and reached out a hand to congratulate her on having such a brilliant daughter.

Anna felt guilty shaking his hand; she had nothing to do with Ace’s success. She worked three jobs and didn’t have time to help her kids with homework- not that she would be any help. Unlike her daughter, she had never been the best student.

Anna examined herself in the mirror that hung behind Principal Tremaine. Her right eye was swollen and bruised purple. When she tilted her chin to either side, dried blood caked the sides of her mouth and the bottom of her chin. She wiggled her tongue between the new gap in her teeth. There was no use looking for the missing tooth, Anna doubted she could trade it in for cash from the tooth fairy.

“Anastasia was caught fighting another girl in the bathroom,” Principal Tremaine rasped to Anna’s mother. It sounded like she had swallowed glass. Natasha Quinn was sitting beside Anna, one hand clutching the pearls around her neck, the other grasping her purse with white knuckles. Anna could never read her mother’s facial expression, but her eyes were black pools of anger. Anna slunk in her seat as Principal Tremaine continued.

“Security had to pull them off of each other. Apparently, Anastasia continued to claw at the other girl who was crying on the floor as they dragged her away.”

This is ridiculous, Anna thought. A few minutes earlier the girl had slammed Anna’s head into the bathroom stall and was laughing while watching her stumble around. When Anna’s vision stopped spinning, she made sure Bethany paid for it. That just happened to be when security found them.

Anna rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, realizing this was a losing battle. Nobody would believe her word compared to Bethany’s ability to cry on que.

“Would you care to explain yourself?” Principal Tremaine asked, turning towards Anna and peering down at her through thin spectacles.

The Principal of Windsor Academy was a skeletal woman. Her white hair was cropped short just below the ears and she wore a black turtleneck beneath a navy blue pantsuit. A silver swan was pinned over her heart. The woman’s face was etched with premature wrinkles and aging. She liked to blame it on years of working with children, but Anna often spotted Mrs. Tremaine smoking behind the school during lunch.

Cupped in her hands, Anna played with broken pieces of her own silver swan.

“Bethany called me dumb,” Anna grumbled.

She felt her mother’s stare bore into her.

Anna’s grip tightened around the shards causing her palm to bleed.

“That’s all?” Her mother asked in disbelief.

Anna sat up and wiped her nose, the back of her hand now painted red.

Natasha looked at her appalled and disgusted- like the creature before her couldn’t possibly be the daughter she raised.

After class, Bethany had cornered Anna in the bathroom, tore the swan off her jacket, and threw it to the ground before crushing the pin with a shiny heel. She told Anna that she didn’t belong at Windsor. She was dumb and the only reason she got in was because her mother paid for her to be there. That wasn’t the problem. Anna knew everything Bethany said was true. Bethany was only furious because Anna had joked about Bethany’s collar being buttoned too high and it was cutting off circulation to her brain. What caused Anna to throw the first punch was the fact that Bethany had the nerve to shoot spit on her new shoes and say Anna was worth nothing. Something inside snapped and she felt her fist connect with the girl’s face.

She saw no point in explaining this to her mother and the principal though. All they would do is reprimand her for bullying the other student and give her more detention than what was already planned. So, Anna stayed quiet.

Mrs. Tremaine sighed and shuffled some papers in order.

“If that is all, then I have no choice but to give you a week's suspension. When you come back, you will stay after school to help Miss. Halley in the library.”

Anna tried to smother her smile by wiping her mouth, but all that did was smear more blood across her face. No school for a week and she got to spend detention in the library? Maybe she hadn’t lost.

Suddenly, Natasha Quinn stood up and pulled Anna out of the chair with her.

“Let’s go dear,” she said, practically dragging her daughter behind her, “Thank you for your time, Mrs. Tremaine.”

They walked out of the school and into the black SUV waiting for them in the empty pickup line.

Anna leaned her head against the car window and watched as the driver pulled away from the school. She heard Natasha roll up the vehicle’s divider.

“Get away from the window, you’ll stain the leather.”

Anna did as she was told and felt her stomach drop, realizing the worst was yet to come.

“What were you thinking?” Natasha seethed.

“I don’t know,” Anna said, trying to keep tears from falling.

“Clearly… Where did you get those shoes? Where are your dress shoes?”

Anna looked down at the high-top sneakers she had purchased with the money she hid under the floorboards of her bedroom. The clogs her mother bought her had been thrown in her backpack after she changed them on the bus.

“I bought them.”

“With what money?”

The money she got from the bake sale she conducted under the bleachers during lunch, Anna thought. No one wanted the tasteless, organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-GMO, styrofoam that the school called food. But that was a problem Anna’s mom could find out about later.

“Birthday money,” she lied.

Natasha waved her hand, already exhausted from this conversation with her daughter.

“You’ve not only embarrassed yourself, but me and your father as well,” her mother continued. “Our family’s reputation is built and destroyed by all who carry its name. While you bare it, you will do your best to act like a proper young lady.”

Anna nodded and a single tear slipped down her cheek. She turned away not wanting her mom to see her cry.

“-Not the savage the other parents believe you to be. Did you know some have asked me to pull you out of Windsor for the safety of their own children?”

Anna couldn’t answer, no sound would pass through the lump in her throat.

“I didn’t want to have to tell you that, but I believe it's in your best interest to understand the situation you have placed us in. See to it that you try to behave, if not for your sake than for ours.”

Stuffed in his office, Principal Dumphrey slid the pamphlet for Windsor Academy across his desk towards Anna like she had won a grand prize. Instead of flipping through it, she took it and buried it in her purse.

His brow furrowed and he frowned at her.

“Windsor is very prestigious- ranked as one of best schools in the country. Its education system is structured for sharp and intuitive students like Alice. I really do think you should consider-”

From the corner of her eye, Anna noticed her daughter staring at the pamphlet as if it held all of her hopes and dreams. Her heart fractured slightly.

“I’m aware of the school’s reputation,” Anna said. “But I couldn’t possibly afford the tuition.”

“I understand, but I’ve sent Alice's transcripts and they’re offering her a scholarship, it would almost cut the cost of tuition in half.”

Ace looked up, wide-eyed.

For anyone else this would seem like a dream come true; but all Anna felt was unease. She shifted in her seat. She just wanted to thank Principal Dumphrey for his consideration and leave.

He seemed to notice this and turned to Ace.

“Alice, can you please wait outside for a moment?”

Always the diligent student, Ace nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.

“Miss. Quinn, Windsor can give Alice opportunities this school never could. I know you have apprehensions, but I suggest thinking about what is best for your daughter.”

Natasha placed her wine glass on the side table; the pitched chime pulled Anna out of the memory. She truly never thought she would come back here, but her kids always came first. She had to put her pride aside. Windsor Academy was a nightmare for Anna, but that didn’t mean Ace couldn’t thrive there.

“What are you asking of me, Anastasia?”

“Alice’s scholarship pays for a lot, but I need help covering the rest.”

“You came here to ask me for money,” Natasha said bluntly.

Anna tried to quiet the anger that flared inside her.

“Yes.”

Natasha clicked her tongue and smoothed out her skirt.

“I can’t help you. Jacob will guide you out.” Her mother stood up, grabbed her glass, and walked towards the doors leading to the foyer.

“Please,” Anna begged and reached out a hand, catching her mother’s wrist. Both of them froze at the touch.

She was begging now? What had she become? Anna shook the voice from her brain.

“I’m sure you and Mathew can find higher paying jobs. You both graduated with excellent marks.”

Natasha tried to pull her hand back, but Anna’s grip only became tighter.

The mention of Mathew’s name reopened a wound that Anna had tried to sew shut a long time ago.

All she said was, “Mathew left eight years ago,” before letting go.

Anna had been in this position before. She couldn’t go back there. If her mother wanted to leave, she would leave, no matter how hard Anna tried to make her stay.

Instead, Natasha collapsed in the seat beside her. The older woman’s mouth fell open slightly and she took a sip from her glass. She was silent for a moment, her eyes cast down as if searching the floor for a response

“Eight years…?”

Anna nodded.

She wondered who her mother saw when she looked at her. Did she still see the little girl in the portrait or did she see a stranger?

“And if you’re asking about Windsor, the children… They're thirteen?”

“Fourteen,” she corrected.

Anna watched as Natasha Quinn’s Botox broke slightly, a crease forming on her brow.

“…I’ll pay the rest of Alice’s tuition.”

Anna held her breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“But every Friday, you and the children must come here for dinner.”

The anger inside Anna reignited, but she bit the inside of her cheek. Could she really refuse?

“Ok,” Anna forfeited.