'Emily The .............'

Emily the …….

Emily was unique. She was tall and a bit thin, but even so to look at her you would never have guessed her secret. Underneath those elegant trousers, inside that shoulder padded jacket. She was really … a Pencil!

So what, I hear you ask. There have been many other Utility People before. You only have to think for a minute to remember the famous Sidney Stapler. No one had any idea about him until one day he crossed his legs while sitting down and accidentally stapled his ankles together. And what about Derek the Mobile. He was just like any other man until you realised that sometimes when he blinked he was actually taking a photo. Anyway I’m getting off the subject. Emily’s secret wasn’t just that she was a Pencil… She was also a secret spy!

For years she had travelled on Buses and Trains or worked as a temp in offices gathering information for her boss Mr Lemon. (No it’s alright, he was just someone who happened to be called Lemon.) Her most important case came about almost by accident. She had been instructed to watch a Man who delivered Ice Cream to the supermarkets because it was thought that he might be passing on secret messages for a foreign power. She positioned herself in the supermarket car park near where the deliveries came in and waited. Just after 4pm a man drove in. As soon as he took a pallet of ice creams inside, Emily was up on the back of his lorry searching for clues. She soon found a box of ice lollies and realised that there were messages written on the sticks. She put one of the lollies in her pocket and climbed back out of the lorry but was immediately in trouble because there waiting for her - was the man. It was obvious that he had guessed she was out to catch him and now lunged forward towards her.

He was bigger and stronger than her so he easily picked her up and threw her against the wall. Violence wasn’t in Emily’s contract. ‘This isn’t something that I signed up for’ could easily have been her reaction. But Emily was better than that, with quick thinking she twisted round so that her feet hit the wall first. What do all good pencils have at their feet? A rubber. Emily bounced off the wall straight back at the villain. She used all her training to fight him but, in the end, he was just too powerful for her. He tied her up, and then went off, leaving her lying on the floor. But that didn't matter because she could still wiggle her head and write something on the wall. ‘Secret messages written on lolly sticks’ she wrote. She had hardly finished when she heard his footsteps coming back.

But there is something that I haven't told you, Emily was not just an ordinary pencil. The things she wrote couldn't be seen with the normal eye because her writing was invisible. Also I have to admit, I haven't been completely honest about her boss. You see Mr Lemon was actually a… Lemon.. What's the best thing for invisible writing? Lemon juice. So, when the villain returned, she just lay still and pretended to be unconscious knowing that he wouldn’t be able to see her message. As soon as his back was turned she managed to get one of her hands into her jacket pocket and pulled out her secret weapon.. A pencil sharpener. The blade on a sharpener is incredibly sharp and, in no time at all, she had cut through the rope she was tied up with and she was free. The man was already in his lorry and about to drive away so, quick as a flash, Emily ran to the lorry and drew her secret sign on the back so they could identify the lorry later.

It would have been easy just to relax now but Emily’s nickname wasn’t H.B. for nothing. She went into the supermarket to find out who was reading the messages on the sticks. She waited around the ice cream freezers, and before long, saw a woman coming along with a scanning gun. You know, the thing they scan things with to find out their price. Only this wasn’t scanning the barcodes on the wrappers. It was scanning the messages on the lolly sticks. This was really clever because most of the message was actually hidden underneath the Lolly. The person using the scanner looked like an ordinary supermarket worker. But, when Emily followed, she saw her leave the store and go to a strange white van in the car park. Emily walked round the side of the building keeping in the shadows until she was almost at the van. This wasn’t just to keep out of sight, she also needed to keep out of the sun because all this excitement was making her hot and thirsty.

There were two people in the van talking. They were obviously reading all the messages from the scanning gun but couldn’t make sense of them because one important part was missing… Yes you’ve guessed it, the lolly that Emily had put in her pocket had got that vital part of the message on it. What could it be?

Later that night Emily was explaining to Mr Lemon what happened next. She read the message on her stick which said ‘Blow up Lemon first.’ So it was obvious that these people were very dangerous, and they also knew who Emily’s boss was. Now Emily had swung into action. First hiding the lolly stick in a nearby bin so it couldn’t be read by the villains. Then, quietly, she went back and got the rope that she had been tied up with and tied one end round one of the van wheels and the other round the door handle. (This wasn’t a trick taught at Spy School, Emily had actually seen it done in an old film, but it seemed to work.) So now they couldn’t escape out of the van or drive it away. Emily phoned her office and, in no time at all, the Police had all the baddies in custody. “So”. Said Mr Lemon “A good job done. We’ve recovered the explosives, caught all the villains, and no one got hurt. Well done!” “Just one question. How could you read that message on the stick if most of it was hidden under the lolly?” “Oh” said Emily “I had to eat the lolly first. I was hot and thirsty anyway.” “Was it nice?” asked the boss. “Oh no.” she said “It was horrible.. I can’t stand anything Lemon Flavour!”