My First Love That I Never Met

My First Love That I Never Met

My name is Cathy Wells Carter. I am presently 75 years old. I was only 17 years old, a high school student, when my story started. It was 1967 during the Vietnam war. Back during this time there was no such thing as email, texting or cell phones. All communication was complete by letters written on pretty stationary paper with real ink. At home it was common to have only one telephone and it was a rotary phone that hung on the kitchen wall or in a hallway. Otherwise, we wrote and mailed letters to friends and family living in different parts of the country and internationally. Long distance telephone calls were very expensive and were only made on special occasions or emergencies.

If you wrote to a military service member, an airmail stamp cost five cents and the letter was sent in a special letter size envelope that featured red and blue stripes around the edge. That’s how we knew they were airmail letters. We communicated with new military friends by writing letters or cards. This popular letter writing established penpals. In the Merriam Webster dictionary a penpal is defined as “A friend made and kept through letter writing.” We located people to write t by mutual friends, families or even lists of soldiers interested in being a penpal through churches, schools and a variety of social organizations. There was no limit on the number of penpals you could have. A couple of my girlfriends had two or more penpals each. I only had one and he turned out to be my best friend. I met him through my brother who was also in the Navy and on the same ship. He introduced us by mail. Our military personnel were happy to communicate with just about anyone that could keep them in touch with home. They were often lonely and missed their homes, families and friends. Not always but most of those set up as a penpal were teenage girls in high school and college girls. We wrote to them to keep them company and it also gave them something to look forward to in their mail. I became one of those girls. My brother Jeremy told Benjamin (Benny) Tanner about me and thought we might be perfect to become penpals and friends. He promised that Benny was a nice guy with a great personality and would love to write to me. Jeremy had shown him my picture. Benny sent me a picture where he was wearing a crisp, white uniform after we started exchanging letters. He looked so handsome. Blond curly hair and big blue eyes.

Jeremy sent me Benny’s address and that is where everything began. Benny and I wrote to each other at least once a week for over two years. Airmail took longer to get so I had to learn to be patient. I’ll start with my fourth or fifth letter that I wrote to him.

May 10, 1967

Dear Benny,

I got your letter a couple of days ago but I just now got a little time to write you back. It’s the end of the school year. It’s hard to believe that I’ll be a senior in the fall. I’ll be applying for college soon although I have no idea what I want to be in the future. Mom says I’m still young and have plenty of time to make those kinds of decisions. I guess I understand. She used to be a nurse until she had the four of us kids and of course that got to be a little bit much to handle so she started being a stay at home mom like you and I have talked about before. She says when my little brother Erick gets out of high school she said she and my dad are going to start traveling all over the world because all they seem to have done is raise kids. We’re lucky to have such a great mom and dad.

By the way, tell my brother that he owes me a letter. He’s not as good at writing back as you are, of course I didn’t expect him to be. Did you get the last picture of me I sent? The one I sent you is of me and some girlfriends at the beach for our end of school day off. I managed a light tan but I’ll look better in the summer. Plus that’s an old swimsuit from last year is faded and so ugly. You’re out in the sun all the time so I guess your tan most of the year. Let me know what you think.

I really want us to meet in person sometime. I know we’ve talked about it before. If you ever get to a place where you can call me, please do. Call collect. My dad probably won’t care if we keep the conversation short. I’ll pay him with my babysitting money. Now I’m just anxiously waiting to get your next letter. The mail is so slow. Your letters mean so much to me and I hope you feel the same way when you get mine.

I think we’ve come to know each other pretty well and I’m thankful every day that Jeremy introduced you to me even though we really haven’t actually met. I feel like we’ve known each other our whole lives and I think you do too or at least, I hope you do.

You might have noticed the scent of this letter, it’s a new cologne I found called Daisy. I really like it. I think it smells like you’ve just stepped outside into the smell of fresh spring flowers, and sunshine. I hope you like it too. Maybe it will make you think of me. Place this letter under your pillow and maybe the smell will freshen up your bunk. I know the area has bunks with several other guys there. Maybe this scent will make them jealous.

Jeremy hasn't written to me for a couple of weeks. Brothers!

Tell him our youngest brother, Erick, just had his 10th birthday. We had a small party for him. He requested mom make him a chocolate cake with marshmallow icing. Of course she did. It was so good. There was just family and his best friend, Steve, that lives next door. He got a new baseball glove so tell Jeremy that Erick won’t be using his glove anymore. That should make him very happy. He didn’t like Erick even touching his baseball glove.

I have to go for now so I can get this in the mail. I’ll write again in a few days.

XOXO, Forever yours,

Cathy

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From many, I picked this letter from 6 months later

November 23, 1967

Dear Benny,

I hope everything is ok. Your last letter scared me. All of the attacks around you that you told me about and with what little sleep you are all getting must be so terrible. I know your job is working on weapon systems. That sounds so dangerous. I pray for you every night before I go to bed. I can not imagine being in a war like you and Jeremy.

Mom said Jeremy was in an accident on the ship and broke his arm. She was pretty upset but he assured her that he can still work and he’s fine.

Please stay safe. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.

I know you said you think you’ve fallen in love with me. I love you too. It’s so hard to be so many miles away.

I hope that you will get approved for R&R soon. You need a break to get away from all of the guns and noise. Please let me know if you get your approval and where you might go. Hawaii would be nice. I know there are several other places you could Gabe sent but any place to get you off the Enterprise for a while would be great. Maybe I could talk my parents into meeting you in Hawaii if you go there. Of course, they’d come with me but that’s fine with me as long as I can see you and spend some time with you.

This has to be short tonight, mom is already yelling for me to turn off my lamp and go to sleep.

I love you Benjamin Andrew Tanner,

Goodnight,

XOXO Cathy

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Again from so many letters, some so personal that my heart won’t let me share. Just like I can never share any of Benny’s letters to me. I picked this letter from 6 months later

December 30, 1968

Dear Benny,

It’s been so long since I’ve heard from you. My mom said she hears on the news that there’s lots of naval conflicts and activity going on in the waters where she believes the Enterprise to be. I’m so worried about you and Jeremy. I hope you guys are both OK. I know I haven’t heard from you for a while and I know you’re busy. Hopefully things will settle down soon and this whole terrible war will be over. Why did this have to happen? I’ll never understand. I know it’s tough on the serviceman and I do appreciate that you have dedicated this part of your life to saving us in this country, but it seems so unfair. You’re so young and we have so much to look forward to in the future.

I’m in the middle of my Senior year. Time is going by so fast. I can’t believe it’s almost 1969. I do want to congratulate you on your promotion to E4. I know that means a lot even though you said it’s not really very much of a rank increase. It’s something and you deserve way more than that. I believe Jeremy says he is up for E4 also. Better news would be that the war is over and you come home.. There’s so many things going on in the world, and you guys seem to be forgotten about for some reason. All we see on the news is people that are against the war and carrying ugly, hateful signs and saying terrible things about the soldiers and all of you that are engaged in the war. I can’t believe they’re doing that. You’re Americans defending America. Please write to me soon and let me know that you’re OK. I still think about you every minute of every day and I continue to pray that you come home to me so we can begin our life together. Please stay safe and write to me soon and I’ll write to you in just a couple of days.

I’ll love you forever,

Cathy

On January 14, 1969, the naval ship the USS Enterprise had an accident on the flight deck. It was a huge explosion caused by a rocket that had been attached under an aircraft. This explosion killed 28 sailors and injured over 300 people. This tragedy occurred while the ship was being readied to receive repairs from many battles. They were nearby Hawaii.

Cathy lost Benny that day. He was killed instantly when he was struck by a huge piece of metal that flew from under the aircraft and hit him as he was replacing some damaged equipment on the deck. The last letter that Cathy ever received from Benny, said that he was hopeful that he would be able to get discharged by March because he had served his four years in the Navy.

Cathy’s brother, Jeremy, collected all of the letters that Benny had saved from Cathy. He found three shoe boxes full. Being so personal and heartfelt, he wanted to return them to his sister.The rest of his personal items would be sent to his family.

Jeremy had called his parents while he was in Hawaii. He told his mother about Benny‘s death. He wanted to tell Cathy himself, but he was too upset and knew his mother would handle it better. Their mother was very distraught and dreaded sharing this news with Cathy. She knew how much Benny had meant to her and that they had planned a future together, this is how Cathy had the letters that were included in this story. There were thousands of lost lives and terrible things that happened to all of the service members during the Vietnam war. This is just one story, a tragic love story from so many others.

I am now Cathy Carter. I married after I finished college ten years after Benny’s death. My husband Bob knew about Benny but never pressed me for details. We raised three sons. Sadly, I lost Bob to lung cancer two years ago. After many years of grieving for Benny, I am content I went on to lead a happy life with a wonderful husband and great kids. Benny Tanner will always have a piece of my heart. Cathy Wells Carter