The Indent

A man stands before me, not paying attention to me at all, with lovely dark hair that holds soft curls and just a hint of silver. His eyes crinkle as he smiles to the person attempting to help him. He snorts, which is objectively adorable. Okay, maybe not objectively, but extremely subjectively adorable in a way that makes me want to help him instead of this woman who clearly does not know what she’s talking about. Well, maybe she does, and I’m just jealous. Why am I jealous of a person I don't know anything about? A stranger talking to another stranger. He shrugs his shoulders apologetically, looks around, then catches my eyes with a cute little head shake and furrowed brows. His awkward little smile makes my breathing increase in a way that hasn't happened in actual years.

Derrin's breathy voice plays in my head, "Going to make me jealous."

Shut up, brain. He's not a part of your life anymore. There's a perfectly hot man smiling at you from across the room. Holding your gaze. He's even adorably shorter than the woman he's talking to. I want to hold his thick, warm chest in my arms.

"Your imagination is getting ahead of you." Derrin says again.

Oh my gosh, shut the fuck up.

He's not going to say anything to you anyways. I need some batteries; where are the nine volts? I should've made a list.

“Did you find the batteries?” Lesley asks.

“What? Oh, yeah.” I answer, looking back at the gorgeous man. “Do you know who that is?”

Lesley very obviously turns to see who I’m asking about. “You know Mark and Trent? He came for their wedding. He’s Trent’s older brother. Hasn’t lived here for years. Left after their parents died.”

“Oh, I didn’t know Trent had a brother. Good for him. I mean, wait. Good for Trent and Mark I mean. I forgot they were getting married.”

Lesley looks me in the eye with a wry smile, “Ooo…”

I roll my eyes and steal another glance, then go back to the batteries. “Shut up.”

I grab the nine volts, and look up to see Lesley pointing his eyebrows at me while cocking his head in my direction. He nods upward.

“What the fuck, Lesley.” I laugh, turning to see the man from before coming.

The two men grasp each other’s hands in a very bro-ey manner, then hug it out like the macho men they are. “Hey, Gerald! Good to see you again! He goes by Jerry. Jerry, this is Dennis.”

“Hi there, Dennis.” He says, grasping my hand. “Nice to meet you.” He strokes the back of my hand with his thumb as Lesley walks away.

“Oh, um. Cute to meet you too.” I shake my head. “Oh, fuck. I mean. Good to meet you too. LESLEY.” My pulse rushes then I run off and Jerry matches my stride with that stupid adorable sideways grin.

“Want to get espresso? There’s a cute little cafe in the back.” He says cute with the same cadence and inflection as I did.

Lesley leads us to the cafe. He waves at the line, then turns to talk to the barista without us.

I close my mouth then look at Jerry.

He looks up at me then says, “I think you’re pretty, Dennis.”

And now all I can smell is the minute scent of his leathery cologne. “I—yuh—You’re are too.” My face flushes. I blink and swallow, then look at the menu. “What do you like to drink?” My chest feels like it’s caving in. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing, but I choose for it to be good.

“Nice recovery. I love an Americano. You’re ares?”

I push his shoulder with a smirk, “I’m a mocha man myself.”

“You touched him immediately?” Derrin asks, then continues, “He’s ordering my drink.” I heave in a sigh that wants to be bigger than it is.

I think, “I know.” The chatter around us goes quiet.

Suddenly I hear Jerry ordering for us. I sneak in and tap my card on the machine before he can.

“Shall we sit, Jerry? They have comfy chairs.”

“Bold,” Derrin says.

Jerry’s mouth is open wide with a surprised smile. “Lead the way.”

We find our way to some chairs next to a fireplace. The crackling embers soothe my beating heart. I stare into the dancing flames as Jerry watches me in silence. My coffee warms my throat as the fire warms my soul. Finally, I say, “Before this goes any further, there’s something I should let you know.”

Jerry adjusts himself, then cautiously says, “Okay.”

He waits for my response with a quiet gaze. My mouth opens and closes a few times as he seems to evaluate me. I look into his dark brown eyes, which hold no concern, but I feel kindness in them. “I still love my late husband,” I say, touching the indent where my ring used to be with my finger.

He watches me rub my old vows away for a moment. Derrin says, “We have parted, Dennis.”

I take a long sip of my sweet coffee which burns my tongue but I don’t care. Is Derrin giving me permission, or am I giving it myself?

“What did he used to drink?”

I stifle a laugh, “An Americano.”

“Oh, wow,” he answers softly.

“Said it made him appreciate the espresso for what it was, like adding a little bit of water to whiskey or gin.”

“Can I ask what his name was?”

“...Derrin.”

“When did it happen?”

“Just over a year ago.”

His brows ever so slightly curl inward as he offers his hand. After a very short hesitation, I lay mine inside his, which he squeezes closed as we regard the blazing logs.

I wipe my eyes with my free hand and say, “Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry I came on very strong. No one expects you to stop loving him after such a short amount of time, Dennis.”

“Thank you, Gerald.”

I let go then plant a smile on my face, turning to him. Determined to lighten the situation.

“So, what about you, Jerry? Lesley was telling me you were here for your brother’s wedding?”

“Is that why he ran away? You asked about me?” He grins into his coffee cup, waggling his eyebrows.

“Shut up!” I smile for real this time. “How long are you here for?”

“I was able to take a month off work if I check my email every once in a while. Trent’s wedding is next week and I was looking for a plus one.”

“Are you asking me to be your date, Mr. Sellow?”

“May I ask you out on one before the wedding?”

“Let’s start with a phone number.” I pull out my phone, pull up the contacts, then give it to him.

He hands it back with the name, ‘Jerry the Plus One.’ A chuckle escapes my lips. I text him: “Is what we’re doing right now the date, or…?”

His voice goes high, “What?” Then lower with a bit of grit. “This is just happenstance. Give me a chance to butter you up.”

“What would you have us do, Gerald Sellow.”

“Not fair, I don’t know your last name.”

“Warmont. It was Derrin’s, and I don’t plan to change it just yet.”

“Okay, Dennis Warmont. I’d like to wow you with my terrible bowling skills at the Tuckered Alley as we enjoy their chili-cheese fries, then after that we can take a stroll through the Plainslow Botanical Garden. And after that I would like to take you to my favorite restaurant here, Herald’s Pizza. They have the best beer around.”

---

Three days later, Lesley is digging through my closet to find something I should wear.

“What about this?”

He pulls out my skimpy cut-off tee that has no sleeves and shows off my tummy.

“Jeezus, Les. I’m already sending him the most mixed signals ever. Plus, I’d only wear that to the club, which I haven’t been to in years.”

He rummages deeper into my clothes. Picking out seemingly random items I haven’t worn in ages. I should really get out more.

“Or you can stay,” Derrin says.

I sigh, then reach in myself. “How about this?” I ask, showing Lesley a low v-necked graphic t-shirt that shows some of my chest hair.

“That and some of your tightest jeans.” He grins like the Cheshire Cat.

“I don’t want to show him my religion just yet.” I laugh.

“You’re a fuckin’ atheist.” He teases. “Going to wear this too?” He brandishes one of my jocks that doesn’t leave anything to the imagination.

I snatch it out of his hands. “Fuck off, Lesley.” Uncontrollable laughter rings out of my mouth. “I won’t tell you what’ll be underneath, thank you very much. Not that anything like that is going to happen anyways.”

---

The place smells of old popcorn, floor wax, and ancient caked-in and stale cigarette smoke, which immediately brings me back to when I was a kid trying to carry the too-heavy ball in musty shoes that didn’t fit.

Jerry says, “Being here reminds me of when my Dad wanted to teach me how to play, even though I didn’t care about the points and only liked making the pins drop. I would lay the ball on the floor and push it on my stomach.”

“Now the computer does all the scoring for us. I haven’t been here in years.”

After a while, we settle into our lane with steaming fries, cold soda from the fountain, and a giant mound of boneless wings with all the sauces you can imagine.

I laugh as Jerry lies on his belly and pushes his ball towards the pins. It surprisingly manages to knock down eight of the pins as he jumps up with a hearty fist pump. “Yeah!” He shoots normally the second time to get the other two.

“Spare some points for me.” I chuckle.

“Booo!” He says, stuffing his mouth with a wing. He speaks with his mouth full, “Let’s see what you got!”

I accidentally bowl a strike and he shoves my shoulder in jest.

“Damnit, Dennis. Gotta up my game.”

---

The sun bleeds through the thick greenery of the many shaped and colorfully decorative trees, casting a shadow over Jerry’s soft features. His beard has slightly grown and he has a small stain on his polo where some honey sauce had dripped. I can’t help but grin at him. Birds sing in the distance and a warm breeze wafts through his dark curls.

I say, “I always knew this was here, but I’ve never been before. Thank you for taking me, it’s as gorgeous as you are.”

My insides do a flip as he intertwines his fingers in mine as we start walking through the swathes of pretty plants. “I like your shirt,” he says as his eyes slowly drape over my whole body, lingering on the opening at my collarbone on the way up. He swallows. “And everything else,” he continues, finally landing on my eyes with heavy lids.

“Tell me about these plants,” I say with a head full of fuzz.

He puts on a show for each new species, spouting words that are completely different from what they say on their labels. He spins stories as to where they come from and what they’re used for as if he’s been growing them himself.

We finally get to the end of the garden and share a rickety wooden bench overlooking the most stunning portrait of beauty the landscape could provide with the city hidden behind us as if we’re the only ones left on the planet.

“What else did your Dad do, besides teach you how to bowl?” I ask.

“He was a stay-at-home Dad for the most part. Mom was a lawyer. We were a rowdy bunch, the three of us. Myself, Trent, and our younger brother Corey. He would take us to the library to quietly read stories to us, despite us being a loud group. We always paid attention though, and only lightly joked when something stupid happened in the book. His voice wasn’t commanding or anything, but light in a way that made you want to listen. I came out to my whole family right before graduating high school. Gathered all my brothers up with my parents and told them I was gay before I lost the courage. That was all I said. Then little Corey came out, which then led to Trent saying so as well.” He giggles. “So they got three gay kids for the price of one. They were shocked of course, but since they had three, they just sorta accepted it.”

“I came out to my parents in the messiest way possible. I got drunk off my ass at twenty-three, stumbling through the door and yelling, ‘I’m gay! Accept me or I’ll leave forever.’ Mom walked in with a confused look on her face then just asked, ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’ And that’s when I told them about Derrin.”

“What about him did you tell them?”

“It’s all kind of a blur. I blacked out, but my Dad told me that I gushed on and on about Derrin after crying into Mom’s arms, then I fell asleep on the couch after she made me drink water.”

I get up, pulling him up with me to gaze above the bushes into the horizon saying, “We should go before it gets too dark, yeah?” I stand facing him. A small leaf falls onto his hair. I pick it out of his locks, showing it to him with a smile. I leave my hand near his face then stroke his cheek with my thumb. I ask, “Can I kiss you?” as I lean in slightly, looking at his lips as the glow of the sun turns into a burnt orange that highlights the color of his greying beard that softly presses against my own now. The touch is gentle but also urgent as he holds onto my bottom lip between his tender flesh. I close my eyes, inhaling his leathery fragrance that makes everything disappear but his presence in my arms as his fingers pull my hair.

After we finally pull apart, he says, “We can stay until after the sunset. They have a spectacular night display that I don’t want you to miss.”

The lights dazzle me with their simple array of care meant to evoke a sense of serenity. We meander through the garden with a slow gait to take in the lull of the night.

---

The pizzeria has a similar ambiance to the night garden with low lights and soft spoken chatter filling the cozy space. I order a hefeweizen and he orders a porter. We share a chef's special.

He asks, "What hobbies do you have these days?"

"I try to write. I'm attempting to write a dark fantasy epic. I think it helps me get through a lot of my feelings by making the main character go through loss, even if it isn't about death. Write what you know, right?"

"Tell me about the lore of your story."

"The people of the story are at war with these cosmic horrors that live in a separate plane that both sides can conjure magic through. Somehow in the middle of normal life, the main character loses his husband in the midst of battle, so he uses a humungous type of magic to summon a creature to help him find his husband again. They are both whisked off into different times and places, and have to find clues within each to find the other based on what crumbs the creature left them, but only the seeking husband knows about. The lost man only knows he's somewhere new."

"I'm still here." Derrin says. My neck prickles so I close my eyes.

I continue speaking, "Although, I'm not entirely sure where to go from here. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how to get them back together. Or even if I should. They are so close to finding each other, but both are in frightening places that they don't understand."

"Do you want them to find each other in the end? You said it was cosmic horror, or at least the creatures were."

"They are both changing as they explore and not always for the better, and in ways they probably shouldn't but have no control over."

"How do you keep it all in your head?"

"Well, most of it is on the page already, and I read back making revisions. But I've done that so often that it sticks in my head. At least a version of it anyways. What about you? What do you enjoy doing?"

"On the weekends, I do what my Dad did to us, and read to children at the library. But other than that, I love cinematography and want to possibly become a director some day. I love seeing the beauty in places that no one pays attention to in a way that shows as many people as possible. I want to paint pictures with film and photography for those who need peace in their lives. Or chaos in their souls.”

I ask, "What should I wear to the wedding?"

He smiles and leans forward.