Rupert

Alright Rupert, you can do this. Remember what your therapist said? You just gotta get out there and make some friends.

Rupert took one last look in the mirror, he was going for laid back; he thought that the Studio Ghibli socks and basketball shorts accomplished that. His plan was to go to the park. He figured a lot of people would be at the park. On his way out, he ran into his neighbor Sarah. He liked Sarah. She was kind, had hair the color of cinnamon and smelled like lavender flowers. She was really clumsy though. She was always breaking things and asking him to come fix them. He once asked her why she didn’t call a professional but she just laughed. He hadn’t made a joke, but he felt bad pointing that out so he just said nothing and kept helping her.

“Hi Rupert!” Sarah waved.

“Hello Sarah. How are you?”

“I’m good, how are you?”

“Fine, thank you.”

Rupert was readying himself to leave, having ended a successful social interaction, but Sarah remained in the doorway. He stared at her not knowing what to say.

“I was just wondering if you were doing anything later?” she blurted out.

“Yes, in fact. I’m going to the park to meet someone.”

“Oh. Who is the mystery woman?” Sarah asked defensively.

“I’m not sure, exactly. It might not even be a woman.”

“Oh! I didn’t realize . . . well good for you!”

“Thank you, are you doing anything later?”

“Uhm, yes actually. I have a date too.”

He paused giving her a chance to finish, but she said nothing. She seemed odd today. “To where?”

“To the movies!” she said in a hopelessly crescendoing pitch.

“That’s nice. Say, are you hot?” Rupert asked concerned.

“What? No,” Sarah responded.

“Your face is really red.”

She brought her hand to her face. “I have to go—bye Rupert,” she said abruptly.

Hm, She must have forgotten her oven on or something.

Rupert set off to the park with an optimistic attitude. When he arrived, he decided to approach the basketball courts. He sidled up to the chain-link fenced that deterred stray balls from lobbing unsuspecting kids on the playground in the head.

“Hello there!” Rupert called. The players glanced at him and went back to their game. They must not have heard me.

“HELLO THERE!” he exclaimed waving his hands. The players looked at each other and a spokesperson came forward.

“Hey man, sorry but we’ve already got a full team here. Come back tomorrow?”

“Oh no sir, you misunderstand, I have no interest in playing.”

“Okay . . . then waddya want?” He asked, getting inpatient.

Rupert was confused, he was very obviously trying to initiate a friendship. Maybe this guy had been hit one too many times in the head and had comprehension issues.

Very slowly he said, “Would you like to be friends?” annunciating each word.

The guy stared at him incredulously, “What?”

Oh wow, this was worse than Rupert thought. “Would you like to be friends? It would seem you have suffered a few blows to the head though, so I suggest we do an activity that does not involve high-speed balls being thrown at us,” he smiled.

“Dude what the fuck? Get lost,” he looked Rupert up and down, “Go try the kiddie playground asshole.”

Rupert wasn’t quite sure how to respond. The guy was giving Rupert helpful advice but also calling him mean names. Jocks he thought.

“Great idea! Thank you for your time.” Rupert turned to head to the playground but wanted to repay the man for his kindness. “Maybe wear a helmet!” he shouted over his shoulder. The man must not have heard him correctly because he responded with an unflattering finger. Rupert shrugged it off and approached the playground.

He loved children. He didn’t have any of his own—too much work, too many germs—but he loved to be around them. They were honest and easy to understand. They said what they meant and meant what they said. Rupert approached a little girl attempting to swing herself.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi!”

“I’m Rupert.”

“I’m Stefanie, with an f.”

“Do you want to be friends?”

Stefanie thought about this, “Are you a good pusher?”

“An excellent one,” he said proudly.

“Then sure! Can you come give me a boost?”

Rupert was filled with joy. He did it! He made a friend. His therapist would be so proud. He was pushing Stefanie on the swings and having an enthralling conversation about a fuzzy bug she found that was not a caterpillar but looked like a caterpillar when a woman approached them from behind.

“What are you doing?” she said sharply.

Rupert turned around to face her. Clearly this woman did not know how to initiate a conversation. “Hello, I’m Rupert.”

The woman’s face got red, “I’m only going to ask you this one more time. What. Are. You. Doing?”

He went with a straightforward answer. “I’m pushing my friend Stefanie on the swing.”

“Stefanie!” the woman flashed her eyes to the girl, “What have I told you about talking to strangers?” She looked back at Rupert, “Get away from her.”

“Are you her mom?” he asked.

“I’m her nanny. Now leave before I call the cops.”

“Why would you call the cops? And if you’re so concerned about Stefanie then maybe you should have been the one pushing her.” Stefanie snickered at this and the woman threw her a menacing look that made her cast her eyes on her still-floating feet.

“Get off the swings, we’re leaving,” the woman said. Stefanie slunk off the swings and followed the woman out of the park. Before they crossed the street, the woman dialed 911.

Rupert was halfway through the process of making another friend when the police showed up. He noticed a few moms on the edge of the park whispering to each other and pointing at him. He thought they must be talking about how nice it is that he was entertaining their kids so they could get a little break. The two policemen approached him directly. Rupert had always respected policemen. He looked up at them from his seated position on the lip of the sandbox.

“Hello officers,” he said cheerily.

“Would you like to explain what you’re doing here?” asked the first policeman who had thick sideburns and icy blue eyes.

“I’m helping Ryan build a sand castle,” Rupert gestured to the half-finished structure between him and the red-headed boy who was ignoring them.

“This your kid?” the officer nodded to Ryan.

Rupert laughed, “No!”

The policemen shifted, placing his hand on his taser.

“And why are you hanging around a bunch of kids that aren’t yours?”

Rupert was getting tired of having to explain this over and over again. “I’m trying to make friends.” Maybe more information was the key, he thought, and repeated, “I’m trying to make friends because my therapist told me it is important for me to have more human contact.”

The policeman squinted at him, his icy blue eyes turning to slits. He turned to the policeman next to him who had remained silent the entire time. “Alright buddy, you’re coming with us.”

“Where? And why?” Rupert asked starting to feel nervous. He had never been asked to go anywhere with a policeman.

“Down to the station. We’re just going to ask you a few questions and run some background checks.”

Rupert looked around, searching for someone who could help him, but to his dismay he realized most of the parents and kids at the park had left. Even Ryan had been summoned away by a woman with matching red hair. Must be lunch time.

“But I don’t understand. Why do I have to go? I don’t want to go.”

“Well you should have thought about that before you started harassing a bunch of kids . . . pervert” he added that last bit under his breath.

“It’s Rupert,” Rupert corrected.

On the way to the station Rupert sat, desperately trying to figure out where the day had gone wrong.

At the station they put him into a holding cell where another man sat.

“Whatrya’ in for?” he asked gruffly. He was wearing a tattered coat. His hair was a dark brown, slicked with grease, and he was missing a few teeth. He smelled sour and his shoes had a hole in the toe, but his face was kind, with wide set brown eyes and a nose with a whimsical bump on the ridge.

“To be completely honest, I’m not sure” replied Rupert.

“Tale as old as time,” the man replied.

“I’m Rupert.”

“Name’s Monty.”

“Why are you in here Monty?”

“They think I murdered someone but I swear I didn’t do nothin! Just easy to blame the vagrant I guess.”

“Well if you didn’t do it, then I’m sure it will all get sorted out and you’ll be able to leave.”

Monty snorted, “I see you’s the optimistic type then.”

They heard a noise coming from the front of the station and sideburns appeared at the door.

“Rupert. You’re free to go.”

Rupert turned to Monty, “See I told you! I’m sure you’ll be next,” he smiled.

The policeman led Rupert out to the front office. “Look,” he said, “Sorry we were so rough earlier, you seem like a harmless fellow, so I’m going to give you some advice. If you want to make friends, make them with people your own age.”

“Okay,” said Rupert. He turned to leave and then patted his pocket. “I think I left my phone in the cell, can I go get it?”

“Fine. But be quick and don’t talk to that trash in there. He’s bad news.”

Rupert saw his phone sitting on the bench. As he went to retrieve it, Monty grabbed his wrist. “Please, you gotta help me. I didn’t do nothing, but no one is going to help me. Please friend, you gotta come back at night and bust me out. Security ain’t nothin at night.”

Rupert felt uneasy, the policeman had told him not to talk to Monty. But he supposed if Monty talked to him that technically wasn’t breaking the rules. He looked into Monty’s eyes and he believed him. After all, Rupert was also put in jail for doing nothing. He nodded at Monty and turned to leave.

That night Rupert dressed in all black and prepared for his heist. He had seen where they left the keys, but didn’t know how hard it would be to get into the police station. He really would rather stay home and work on a puzzle, but if Monty was wrongly accused then the right thing to do was help him. He approached the station cautiously, using the shadows to hide himself, like he’d seen in movies. To his surprise the door was open. He walked right in and there was the security guard, asleep in his chair, snoring away. He grabbed the keys off the desk and approached Monty’s cell.

“Well I’ll be, you actually came,” Monty whispered.

“Yes. You were right, it was easy to get in here,” Rupert said at full volume.

“Keep yer voice down will ya! Now let’s go.”

As soon as they were out of the station, Monty bolted. Rupert called after him but it was too late, he was gone.

Three days later Rupert turned on the morning news. The headlines were filled with a the story of a woman who was murdered in her apartment. Rupert was shocked. He had to find Monty before he was wrongly accused of murder again. Maybe they could even help find the killer. Rupert turned off the TV and rushed out of his apartment. Had he stayed just a few moments longer, Rupert would have realized he knew the woman who had been murdered. It was the angry nanny from the park.

Monty searched for Rupert in all of the places he knew homeless people hung out with no luck. Feeling discouraged he turned to head home when he saw a glimpse of Monty’s trench coat turning the corner. He ran after him. He was just about to call out when he realized that Monty was sticking to the shadows and looking around cautiously. Rupert decided to follow just in case Monty needed help. Maybe he was going to a surprise party, in which case he was sure Monty would want him to tag along. He followed him for three blocks until Monty approached an abandoned building and slipped inside the back entrance. Rupert waited to hear the cacophony of “Surprise!” that accompanied surprise parties, but it never came. He slowly approached the building, peering through a crack in the boarded window. His heart hitched when he saw the little girl tied in the chair, duct tape covering her mouth. It plummeted when he realized it was Stefanie with an f. He crept inside using the same door he saw Monty go through and ran to Stefanie’s side. He didn’t see Monty anywhere in site.

“Hey, Stefanie, it’s me Rupert. Everything is going to be okay.”

Her eyes flashed behind him but before Rupert could work out that she was trying to signal danger, something came down hard on his head.

When he came to his head was pounding. A flash of memory came back to him and he went into panic mode. He saw Stefanie next to him, still tied up. Where is Monty? He knew he had to act quick. He had been so wrong about Monty and now him and Stefanie were in dire trouble. If anything happened to her, it was his fault. He smelled the acrid notes of smoke stinging his nostrils and realized Monty had set the building on fire. He scooted over to an exposed, broken pipe and used the sharp edge of the pipe to cut the duct tape that was binding his hands. He pulled the tape off of his own mouth and ran over to Stefanie. He quickly used his pocket knife to cut the zip ties that encircled her small wrists and gently peeled the duct tape off her mouth. Just as they were getting ready to escape, Monty came back in the building through a side entrance. In his hand was a gun.

“You don’t know whatchyer doing Rupert. This little bitch is crazy. She killed a man and framed me. She killed her own nanny too! Didn’tchya see it on the news? I’m not goin down for her crimes.”

“He’s lying Rupert! He killed my nanny and then kidnapped me. Please Rupert, help me!”

Rupert was at a loss. He had no idea who was telling the truth. Monty was accused of murder, but Rupert had believed him when he said he was innocent. But if Stefanie’s nanny had been murdered, that seemed like a really big coincidence that Monty would be involved, but also Stefanie was just a kid, and kids weren’t capable of murder. The smoke filling up the room wasn’t helping him think. He turned to Monty.

“If you’re innocent, give me the gun,” he said.

“You’re crazy if you think Imma let go of this gun. You can go though, I got no beef with ya. I only hitchya cuz I knew you weren’t gunna understand. I was planning on taking your body out before the fire got too crazy. Believe me.”

He looked back and forth between the two. Monty was holding a gun and had an angry look on his face. Stefanie was cowering next to Rupert, eyes cast down like he had seen her at the park. For once in his life Rupert felt he understood what was going on. He threw himself at Monty, knocking him off balance. They both fell to the floor and Rupert heard the gun skid across the concrete.

“Stefanie, run!” Rupert shouted.

Rupert and Monty were locked in a wrestling match when Rupert heard the laughter. It was a harsh, brittle sound. He turned around to find the source of the noise as Monty whispered, “I told ya dammit.”

Standing in front of them was Stefanie, with the barrel of the gun pointed at Monty’s chest.

“Stefanie?” Rupert croaked, the smoke was filling the room at an alarming rate.

“It’s okay Rupert, I’m not going to hurt you. We’re friends,” she said smiling. Rupert knew her smile should be encouraging, but he felt a chill trickle down his spine.

“You don’t have to do this, you’re safe now. I’ve already signaled the police with my watch. He can’t hurt you.”

Sure enough, they could all hear the faint sounds of sirens approaching.

“Oh Rupert, you still don’t understand. He was right,” she gestured to Monty with the gun. “I did kill that man and I told my nanny to tell the police I had seen him approaching the man. I also killed that bitch of a nanny. She deserved it though.”

“Whydya kill the man?” Monty asked, finding his voice.

“I was bored,” said Stefanie in her sweetest voice.

Rupert felt the room spinning around him. He must have inhaled too much smoke. His eyelids grew heavy. Stefanie looked at him.

“That’s right, go to sleep Rupert, you won’t want to see what comes next anyways.”

He tried to hold onto consciousness but the sweet pull of sleep was too strong. As he closed his eyes he heard the sound of laughter, and a gun shot.

He sat up, panting. “Rupert? Rupert? Can you hear me?” His therapist was standing over him. He looked around confused.

“Where am I?”

“You’re in my office. We were just going through a hypnosis exercise, exploring the different possibilities of what could happen if you tried to put yourself out there to show you that it’s not so scary.”

Rupert stared at her incredulously. It was all just a dream?

“So?” she asked expectantly, “What’s the worst that could happen?”