Vigilante Tech Support 101

“I dare you to dare me to split an arrow with an arrow in midair.”

Devlin didn’t audibly sigh at Compound’s suggestion, but it was a close thing.  

“I’m not gonna do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“But it’ll be fun!” Compound whined.

When Calem and Amber had asked him to fill in as Oriceye, Devlin hadn’t really expected it to be that bad. While he’d be the first to laud and applaud how much those two did for the team, he was also confident in his own abilities. Plus they’d acquired and created enough specialized equipment in their base that could pick up his slack, so Devlin was sure he could manage for one night.

Even with that assurance, they’d insisted on giving him a parting gift. A notebook, with Amber’s messy writing across the cover serving as the title. Vigilante Tech Support 101.

In hindsight, that should’ve been Devlin’s first clue.

He flipped through the notebook on the desk, scanning the different rules and instructions written inside. He found one easily enough, though it took a moment to decipher Amber’s writing.

17. When Compound tries to convince you to let him go for trick shots, don’t let him. He’s just bored. Remind him that he has a limited budget for new arrows and he should back off.

Devlin promptly turned his gaze to the screen showing the view from Compound’s visor. He already had an arrow aimed far above. “You have a limited budget.”

Compound faltered and lowered his bow. “But what if I really want to do it?”

Devlin glanced at the notebook again, this time reading the addendum written in Calem’s signature loopy lettering.

17a. If he goes for it anyway, have an “I told you so” look ready for when he has to cut patrol short for running out of arrows.

17b. If he runs out of arrows in the middle of a fight, click the text box on the bottom of Compound’s monitor and type in “Compound’s being an idiot 17b” to release the five auxiliary arrows hidden in the lining of his quiver.

17c. Under no circumstances are you to tell Compound that 17b is an option.

This time Devlin did let out a sigh, as well as a shake of his head. He couldn’t be sure, but the way Compound’s vision tilted seemed to be in direct response. “Alright, fine, do whatever you want. But, just so you know…” Devlin trailed off for a moment and rushed to pull up the traffic cameras around Compound. There had to be something that could distract the vigilante for a little bit.

He slumped in relief when he found just the thing. “Looks like there’s someone walking through a dark alley nearby. Could be nothing, but worth checking out. Somewhere between four and five o’clock for you.”

“I know what you’re doing, you know.”  

“My job?”

“You can’t keep me distracted forever. My attention span’s not that long.”  

Compound still turned toward the alley in question, however. Devlin waited until he’d settled in to watch the person below to make sure they weren’t up to anything nefarious and/or had nothing nefarious happen to them, ignored the usual spike of guilt that came when one of his teammates would start borderline stalking anyone, and spun his chair around to the desk behind him.  

Three monitors were set up on this one. The center one showed Iarumas already in the swing of things on the other side of the city. With a soft snick that Devlin probably only heard in his head, Iarumas sliced a tire iron clean in half. The broken part clattered to the ground between him and the criminal in front of him. Judging by the very nice car behind said criminal, Devlin concluded that he was probably a tirejacker.

He also concluded that he should’ve known all that before Iarumas decided to engage, as was standard protocol. His eyes flickered down to the notebook again.

43. Iarumas has a tendency to skip regular check-ins and avoid giving updates due to a pathological need to be a lone wolf. Whenever he gets in one of these moods (which is often) just badger him until he snaps out of it out of pure irritation.

43a. As punishment, decrease the time between check-ins without telling him. Repeat each time Iarumas has a mood.

43b. If he gets injured as a result of going off on his own, he will be the one to call Janice for medical attention.

Devlin rolled his eyes. He didn’t need a notebook to tell him any of that. He knew his own brother.

He pointedly ignored thinking about how long Daniel had been sneaking out in leather with a sword before Devlin found out about any of it.

“Are we going to keep this up, or are you going to save us both the effort and come quietly?” Iarumas asked the tirejacker.

The tirejacker lunged forward, now trying to stab Iarumas with the cut off tire iron. In a streak of silver, Iarumas swung his sword up. He sliced through the tire iron again, cutting it off less than an inch away from the tirejacker’s hand.

He dropped the remains of the tire iron. Both pieces clattered to the ground at the same time. Iarumas returned his sword to its scabbard and set about fastening the tirejacker to a nearby pole with a zip tie. At the same time, Devlin turned to the monitor to his right. This one contained only a chatbox with the local police stations. Devlin started typing out the details about the tirejacker so they could get someone on it.

“They never save you the effort, do they?” Devlin asked. Iarumas only grunted in response. “Speaking of people not saving you effort, care to explain why you didn’t let me know you were going to engage?”

“I had the situation handled.”

“You didn’t know you would before.”

“It was just a carjacker. I didn’t need backup.”

“But I needed to know. Case in point: I thought that was a tirejacker.”

“Same difference.”

“Love to be a buzzkill, but I don’t think tirejacker’s a real thing,” Compound added. “I mean, I get where you’re coming from. A carjacker jacks cars, a tirejacker jacks tires, but I don’t think that’s an officially recognized term.”

11. When Compound is being a buzzkill, respond with “And this coming from Compound, the guy with a recurve bow.”

“And this coming from Compound, the guy with a recurve bow.”

Compound whistled. “Well, I can see you’re taking on all aspects of the Oriceye identity right now. Alright, I can dig it. Just promise me you won’t start flirting with yourself.”

“That’s not an Oriceye thing.”

“Well… you know. Love to be a buzzkill, but it kinda is. Oriceye is one of those fancy schmancy words that’s single and plural and all that. So, you know, it kinda is.”

“And this coming from Compound, the guy with a recurve bow.”

“Alright, alright, you’ve made your point.”

Devlin nodded to himself and refocused on the Iarumas monitor. “Iarumas, check-in.”

“I’m fine.”

“Up to anything notable?”

Devlin knew he wasn’t. He could see Iarumas climbing up onto a fire escape. Not that he was going to say that.

“You can see what I’m doing.”

“Doesn’t mean I know what you’re thinking.”

Iarumas grunted and remained silent for a moment. Once he reached the roof, he sighed. “I’m almost done patrolling sector three, then I’ll swing through sector six.”

“So you’ll be going through sector six before heading back for the night, right?”

Technically, Devlin shouldn’t have been saying that. It was written down in glittery pink ink and everything.

59. You do not give Iarumas a bedtime. He will ignore it.

Devlin had no intention of following that rule. He’d been fighting that battle since his brother was an infant, he knew more tricks than either Oriceye could ever hope to conceive. He even decided to be nice and update the notebook for when they got back. It only took a few strokes with a pen to create the new rule.

           How to

59. You do not give Iarumas a bedtime. He will ignore it.

“I was planning on looping down through sector nine and eight first.”

“So you’ll be going through sector six before heading back for the night, right?”

“Yes, with an additional loop down through nine and eight.”

“So you’ll be going through sector six before heading back for the night, right?”

“I really don’t think you’re listening to me.”

“So you’ll be going through sector six before heading back for the night, right?”

59a. Keep repeating his bedtime, no matter what alterations he attempts to make. Sometimes he’ll agree just to shut you up.

“Yes! I am going through sector six. And then nine. And then eight. And then I’ll have to cut through sector five to get back to base, so I’ll take a poke around there as well.”

And Iarumas had reached the point where he started adding in even more alterations. Time for Devlin to cut his losses and move on.

“Love to be a buzzkill, but this is not an argument you can win.”

Devlin ignored Compound. He was right, of course, Iarumas couldn’t win this argument, but he didn’t need to be told that. Instead, Devlin turned to examine the map on the leftmost monitor. A blue dot in the center showed Iarumas well into sector six, and while that was comforting to know, it wasn’t what Devlin was looking for.

It took longer than he’d have liked, definitely long enough that he could just feel Iarumas getting that smug little smirk of his, but finally a flash of green flared up on the map. Decently close to Iarumas, too. Good.

“So you’ll be going through sector six before heading back for the night, right?”

“Dev-”

“Names!”

“Magnetism.”

“Proper names!”

“Oriceye. How many times-”

“There’s an ATM robbery near to your position,” Devlin cut in. He dragged a finger across the screen, connecting the blue dot and green light. “Map should be on your visor now.”

The sound Iarumas made was somewhere between a groan and a sigh. “En route.”

Devlin didn’t respond this time either. He picked up a pen and started writing in the notebook again.

59b. If this doesn’t work, change the subject directly after repeating his bedtime but before he can object. By the time he finishes with the distraction, he will have forgotten how the conversation ended. You can use this to claim he agreed to the bedtime. He won’t believe it for a second, but the idea of admitting he forgot is too embarrassing, so he’ll go with it.

Devlin shook his head as he put the pen down. Calem and Amber were thorough, he’d give them that, but they didn’t know everything. Try as they might to convince everyone they did. Even Devlin had fallen for it a couple times and found that he genuinely did believe they knew everything there was to know about him.

He paused. Slowly his gaze returned to the notebook. They’d written down a bunch of rules for Iarumas and Compound. Did that mean there were rules for him too?

First, he looked around the bunker to make sure no one was watching him. He was safe. Devlin started to flip through the pages again. Sure enough, he spotted his own codename in a rule.

69. Whenever Magnetism gets on his high horse and assumes he knows better than everyone else, remotely reverse the polarity of his gauntlets. It’s hilarious watching him mess up after that.

69a. Only do this when he’s not in an active situation. Obviously.

69b. If possible, save footage of Magnetism’s escapades to the Oriceye server. Folder name: Entry of the Gladiators. Password: Knightcaughtingravity.

Devlin did not squawk when he read that.

“What was that noise?”

“Nothing.”

Devlin spun his chair around, shot right past the desk reserved for when he was out on patrol, and came to a stop in front of the Oriceye desk. It only took him a few seconds to find the folder and even less to type in the password. The folder held a single file. Devlin clicked it.

The document opened, revealing a picture of Calem and Amber. Calem was blowing the camera a kiss, while Amber was caught mid-disappointed-shake of her head. Below that was a single line of text.

So, you did decide to snoop around. We’ll keep that in mind for next time.

Devlin let out another sigh. He shook his head and chose to ignore the not-so-subtle warning for now. He slid back to Compound’s desk, but the guy was still following that possibly-nefarious stranger. Devlin fought down the queasiness and moved to check on Iarumas again.

The monitor showed Iarumas was in motion, rapidly darting around and swinging his sword. Devlin grabbed the desk and dragged himself closer, eyes going wide at the sight. Especially when, during a brief lull in the fight, he registered exactly who Iarumas had found.

“You’re fighting Nemesis?!”

“Wait, Nemesis is there?”

Devlin scrambled to the keyboard. There weren’t many cameras that had a visual on them. Nemesis had led Iarumas into what looked like a side alley. Or Iarumas had led Nemesis. It infuriated Devlin to admit he didn’t know. The only reliable view he had was from the camera Iarumas had in his glasses, and that was moving around too fast to make out much.

“Clearly.”

“Why?!”

“I wasn’t going to just let them rob an ATM.”

“Why would Nemesis need to rob an ATM?!”

“They didn’t say!”

“I’d guess for money,” Compound said.

“Not helping!” Devlin snapped.

On the screen, Nemesis was able to dodge past an attempted elbow to the face. They caught Iarumas by the forearm and slammed his arm over the lip of a dumpster. They grabbed the lid and made to slam it down. Iarumas swung his sword at the last moment, slicing the lid in half so it couldn’t hit him.

“Compound, how fast would it take you to get to Iarumas?”

“Twenty minutes, at minimum.”

Fights with Nemesis never lasted twenty minutes.

“Want me to start going over?”

“Hold your position for now,” Devlin muttered. It wasn’t easy to look away from the fight, but he didn’t have much choice if he wanted to actually end this. He checked the notebook again, desperately pawing through the pages.

77. If Nemesis shows up to challenge Iarumas, it’s best to leave the two of them alone. They’re evenly matched, and before either can gain a serious advantage something will spook them enough for one to make a strategic retreat.

There was no way Devlin was doing that. No force on Earth could make him sit back and do nothing. If it wouldn’t mean leaving no one on tech support, he’d grab his gauntlets and run out there right now.

He winced when he looked back to the screen. Iarumas pulled himself up onto a fire escape and waited until Nemesis stood beneath the ladder. His sword sliced through the tracks keeping it in place. The ladder dropped down on top of Nemesis. They grabbed it and swung it down against the edge of the fire escape. It clanged and loosened, a few rusted bolts popping free.

Devlin wasn’t going to leave them alone.

“Iarumas, I’m calling in backup for you.”

“Don’t!” Iarumas hissed. He sliced through the last few supports, letting his landing of the fire escape drop to the ground. Nemesis had to jump back to avoid it. “You know the police can’t handle them.”

“That’s if they bother with Nemesis at all.”

“I’m not calling the police.”

“I’m… pretty sure I’m still too far away.”

Devlin ignored them and turned back to the chatbox. It was the work of seconds to have them convinced that the building beside the fight was on fire. Devlin checked the map, eyes tracking to the icon for the nearest fire station. “Can you hold out for two minutes?”

“Probably, but you still haven’t told me-” Iarumas ducked beneath a flower pot thrown at his head.

The next two minutes were among the longest of Devlin’s life.  

Iarumas and Nemesis kept up their back and forth. Nemesis would grab anything they could find to use as a weapon. From a discarded box pulled from a dumpster to a trash can lid that Iarumas cut through like butter, to the trash can itself that rebounded and Nemesis hopped on top of to roll away like something out of a cartoon.  

Finally, blessedly, the two of them stopped when they heard a siren in the distance. By a silent, mutual agreement, they split off and retreated in different directions. Nemesis melted into the shadows while Iarumas dug his claws into the wall and climbed to the roof.

It wasn’t until Iarumas got several blocks away that Devlin relaxed.

“A fire truck?”

“Has a loud siren and bright lights. It spooked Nemesis into running.”

“Hm.”

“So… are we going to acknowledge that a false alarm to the fire department is super messed up? Wait, that was a false alarm, right? Like, you didn’t set fire to anything?”

“Compound, go down into that alley and make your presence known to the person you’ve been stalking, ask if they need anything, maybe offer to walk them home if it wouldn’t be too creepy. Iarumas, call it a night, get back to base.”

“On it, Oriceye.”

“Yes, Oriceye.”

Devlin groaned and leaned back in his chair. It slowly spun and swiveled around. After some time, he looked back to the notebook.

99. If you broke any of the rules written here in favor of your own judgement, congratulations. With critical thinking like that you just might make it as Oriceye.

Yeah, he had no intention of ever pulling a shift as Oriceye again.

Devlin slammed the notebook shut.