Heartbreak's Friend

The pain of heartbreak is not something I would ever wish on anyone; and yet, here I am, wishing to experience the moments that lead up to it, even while knowing it would lead to the eventual crack of my soul. Heartbreak is something that you would wish on your worst enemy, because it breaks something deep within you that becomes very hard to put back together. As humans, we are all bound to experience it in one way or another, no matter what we do, or how many precautions we take.

When I first saw her, she was the most irritating human I had ever seen. Yes, I know. Not what you expected to hear. Right? Yet, what had irritated me in the beginning is what I grew to miss in the end. I missed the way she sprayed her perfume four times in the morning, even when it was stronger than death’s scent himself. I missed the way she woke up in the morning, with her curls sticking up at odd ends, and then proceeded to brush them out until they were ram-rod straight.

Now here I am, sitting alone in a bustling cafe, with a lukewarm coffee in my hand, staring into the void of my innermost thoughts. Quite depressing, being here on my own. After everything we had been through, I never expected this to be the spot where she would end it. Yet, here I am, still here after she broke us off. After a few more moments, I push my now-cold coffee away and shove back from the table. My body trembles, while an audible sigh leaves me and I get up from my chair. This is it, it’s over. I walk out of the cafe, leaving the broken pieces of myself in that chair and scattered on the floor. Metaphorically, of course.

The next two months are the most depressing of my life. I spend them doing anything to keep myself busy, making sure to keep my mind from drifting. Drifting to her and to what we could have become. Drifting to who I would have been for her.

So when I am finally starting to put my life back together, bumping into her is probably not the best thing that could happen. She’s standing in the grocery aisle, just a few feet away, looking as beautiful as ever. And here I am, looking like a truck has ran me three times over. Her black curly hair is bouncing with every step and she is wearing the most adorable pink sundress. She’s stunning, as always.

“Hey!” She calls out, seeming pleased to see me.

“Uh… Hi?” My brain must be short circuiting. There is no way in hell that she just acknowledged me… right?

“How are you?” She beams, walking around her cart towards me.

I swear I must be hallucinating. Didn’t we just break up? Or were the past two months not the same for her? How can she be this happy to see me? There must be someone else around here that she’s talking to. Someone else that she would be searching for, because there was no way that it was me.

“Ben?” My face must have scrunched up or frozen like a deer in headlights, because she was now looking at me like I was about to run away, her head tilting to the side. And honestly, I just might. I honestly didn’t know what to do in this type of situation. What do you do when you see your ex, the love of your life, the one who got away… and they are happy to see you? I had no idea. I mean, I had broken her trust and believed the lies that were told about her. Lies that in the end harmed us. I know now that she would have never cheated on me and that her so-called best friend was just trying to hurt us. Those lies not only broke our relationship, but it broke theirs as well.

“Um, I’ve gotta go.” I mumbled, hoping and praying for this encounter to end.

“Oh” Her smile dropped, her eyes dimmed, and I immediately wanted to do something to bring it back, anything really, but that was no longer my place. I wasn’t her boyfriend, and I honestly didn’t think she would take me back. I had done too much to mess us up. My feet backed up a few steps of their own accord and I found myself turning away from her.

“See you around!” She called out, sounding suspiciously hopeful. It was hard to ignore the small spark in her eyes. I didn’t even bother to give a response while I hightailed it out of there. Feeling defeated and a bit cowardly, I continue my walk of shame to my car with no groceries in hand.

After driving home, stewing in the past, I now realize that maybe, just maybe, I could have another chance. A chance at being her friend, if nothing else. If she was that happy to see me, maybe she would forgive me. With these realizations in mind, I brought out my phone and sent her a text. A simple one: I’m sorry. Can we start over?

My phone vibrates almost immediately, sending me into a swirl of anxiety, nervous energy, and worst of all, hope.

Of course :)

Her message is followed almost immediately by another.

Did you want to talk?

I chewed on my lower lip, contemplating the implications of such an offer. After a few minutes, I finally decide on an answer.

Sure, but maybe later.

Okay.

As it turns out, that one simple text led to a series of messages, which led to various conversations, and an eventual friendship. We did end up having a heart-to-heart; and she forgave me for everything that had happened while we were in a relationship. I could not be more grateful for this friendship, my best-friend, or for having her back in my life.