Finding Finn

There was something about the wind whipping across the prairie that left Josephine strangely electrified. Even sitting on her porch swing moving nothing but her foot to keep her swaying forward and back, her body felt charged and ready for more.

She had no plans to move, however. As the old saying went, the spirit was willing but the body was weak. Or maybe it was the opposite for her. Then again, even the movement of her foot sent her ankle clicking in a way that surely wasn’t healthy. Running through the yard into the wooded area behind the house like she did as a child was more likely to put her into traction than leave her feeling the healthy glow of a body well-exercised.

Instead, Josephine chose to breathe in deeply of each gust of wind against her face. That was enough to leave her feeling light-headed and a little giddy. That was another feeling she wasn’t used to.

When did she turn into a stoic hermit? She didn’t remember an exact day when her reactions to the world around her changed. One day, she just realized that she had cancelled plans with her friends for the fifth time in two weeks and she didn’t feel a bit bad about it. Apparently neither did they, because they slowly stopped trying over the years.

When was the last time she laughed until she thought she was going to fall over from the loss of breath? Sure, she still laughed at the things she watched on TV, but somewhere in the last sixty years of her adulthood, she lost that spark of joy that made her smile at the absurd actions of people around her. Now, when she saw someone behaving mischievously or doing something silly by intention or accident, she frowned instead of smiled.

Last week, she was out grocery shopping and instead of laughing quietly to herself at the antics of the children ahead of her in line, she just barely stopped herself from snapping at their mother to control her brats.

Josephine sighed at her own crankiness.

Another gust of wind blew past her porch. This one, however, brought something with it.

A kite fluttered past her only to be caught by a crosswind that sent the thing flying into the porch railing. Somehow, the wind sent it at just the right angle to wedge between two balusters right in front of Josephine.

This close, she could see there were some cartoon dogs printed on the thin plastic. She wondered if the force of the landing broke any of the plastic pieces helping the kite maintain its flying shape. She also wondered if the kite would stand up better or worse after being abused like this if it had been made from fabric and wood like those from her childhood.

“My kite!”

Josephine’s head turned slowly to see a young girl bounding from around the corner of Josephine’s house towards the kite trying to battle its way back out of the railing with the help of the wind that battered it there in the first place.

The girl ran to her kite as if Josephine wasn’t even there. Tears were already starting to fall from her eyes as she reached trembling hands towards the cartoon dogs. Josephine scoffed at the girl’s antics. Someone would think the girl’s actual dog had been in an accident rather than a stupid toy.

Though Josephine hadn’t thought she was very loud, the girl’s head whipped up to see the older woman watching her with hawklike eyes from a creaking porch swing. There was no stopping the sobs now. Josephine couldn’t remember the last time she saw a child crying so hard.

“What are you doing?” she snapped. It seemed like that was the only way she knew how to talk anymore. Josephine cleared her throat when she saw the girl’s eyes widen in fear.

It took some effort, but she softened her voice as much as she could. “Who are you?”

Apparently, she needed to put in more effort. The girl still looked terrified. Trying not to sigh in annoyance, Josephine cleared her throat again as if it was phlegm that was making her sound like a cantankerous old witch.

With a slight groan she couldn’t stop, Josephine lifted herself from the porch swing. She walked slowly towards the girl before using the handrail to sit on the steps next to where the kite was caught.

It didn’t seem worth trying to talk to the girl again. Obviously, attempting a gentle tone was a wasted effort. Instead, Josephine chose action. She reached for the kite.

“Don’t break it!”

The girl slapped her hands over her mouth as if she was as surprised as Josephine at her outburst. Josephine couldn’t stop her glare. She hated being falsely accused.

“I’m not going to break it! I’m trying to get it loose.”

The girl still looked worried, so Josephine tried to sound conciliatory. She knew the best she could achieve was only slightly annoyed.

“Without breaking it,” she clarified.

The girl stood up and walked closer, hovering over the kite as Josephine worked on unwedging the stupid thing. It was harder than she thought it would be. Who knew a kite meeting balusters would result in such a mess.

It didn’t help that the girl’s inspection meant that eventually, the child was in Josephine’s way.

“What’s your name?”

“Finn.”

Josephine couldn’t help her disgusted tone when she said, “Do your parents hate you?”

“No, my parents love me lots. I chose Finn. It’s a cool name.”

Josephine didn’t know how to respond to such a matter-of-fact response. So, she chose action again. Turning back to the kite, she gently twisted it. Given how easily plastic could break when turned in a direction it doesn’t want to go, Josephine was surprised when the kite slid free without a single ominous crack.

“I got it!” she crowed.

“You got it!” Finn agreed. She held her hands out expectantly for her kite.

“Where did you even come from?”

Now that the crisis was over, Josephine was finally starting to question Finn’s appearance. There was a farm on the other side of the woods. But it would take at least half an hour to tromp between the properties. And that’s only if someone knew the way. The woods weren’t huge, but a small child like this could easily get lost.

“From the woods,” Finn replied, hands still outstretched.

“How old are you?”

Finn put her hands down and looked up at the sky as if contemplating the great mysteries of the universe. Finally, she held up five fingers.

“I’m six!”

Josephine sighed and gently took the girl’s other hand. Finn looked startled, but she didn’t pull away as Josephine pushed the girl’s pointer finger up and put that hand next to the other.

“You were missing a finger there.”

Finn looked at her six fingers standing proudly in front of her.

“Oh. I just turned six. How old are you?”

“You can’t ask me that,” Josephine sputtered.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not polite.”

“Then why’d you ask me?”

“Because…”

Since when were six-year-olds logical? Josephine frowned to keep from smiling.

“I’m 78.”

“Whoa. That’s so old.”

Finn looked at Josephine as if she were a wonder of the ancient world. There was no stopping the chuckle that escaped Josephine. She coughed to cover it, but they both knew what happened.

“Are you going to tell me where you came from now?”

“The woods.”

“And before that?”

“My house.”

“Which is…where?”

Finn looked to the sky again. This time, there was no proud announcement, just a confused shrug.

“I dunno. My house is where my house is.”

Finn turned in a circle before pointing behind Josephine.

“It’s that way.”

Excited by her own revelation, Finn grabbed the kite from Josephine’s hands and ran towards the corner of the house where she first appeared.

“Wait!”

Josephine grunted as she got up faster than her body wanted her to. It took a few steps before she was able to break into a hobbling jog that jostled everything inside of her. Her breaths were already huffing in and out by the time she rounded the corner and could see Finn halfway to the tree line. Josephine stopped. She knew she couldn’t run and yell the way she wanted to.

“Finn! You stop right there, young lady!”

Finn slowed down and turned around. With the kite clutched in her arms, she walked backwards, still making her way towards the trees.

“C’mon!”

Josephine grumbled under breath about children who wouldn’t listen as she power-walked towards the child. As soon as she caught up with the girl, she was going to drag the child back to the house and call the police. Getting closer to Finn, it was an even bet to Josephine whether that call would be to help Finn find her home or charge the child with trespassing.

Finn was already a few yards into the woods by the time Josephine caught up to her. Finn paused for a moment while Josephine caught her breath.

“You’re awful red. You okay?”

“Fine,” Josephine gritted out between labored breaths.

“What’s your name? You know mine.”

“I’m Josephine.”

“Okay. C’mon, Josephine.”

Finn was obviously done waiting for Josephine to start breathing normally. She surged forward, apparently ready to get home right now.

“Finn, we should go back to my house and call the police. They can make sure you get home okay.”

“Why? Can’t you do it? You’re old.”

Josephine laughed again. In Finn’s mind, old must mean authority. Josephine vaguely recalled that kind of innocence of thought. A lot had happened in 76 years that led her to realize age did not necessarily mean wisdom or honesty.

“You shouldn’t trust strangers so easily. What if I was a mean lady who planned to hurt you?”

Finn smiled as if the very concept was absurd. “You saved my kite. First, I thought you were a witch. But witches don’t help. They eat kids.”

“Like Hansel and Gretel?”

“Yeah!”

Josephine smiled at the girl. It must be nice to see the world the way Finn did. Josephine decided to embrace Finn’s stubbornness and fell into step with her.

The half hour walk took almost 45 minutes with Finn in the lead. Every few minutes, the child would point out a bird or funny-looking branch that Josephine also had to stop and admire. With each discovery, Josephine found her smile widening.

She couldn’t remember the last time she walked in these woods. Even that last time, she suspected she was out among the trees to inspect something rather than discover what was all around her. As they kept walking, it was eventually Josephine who paused their progress to point something out to Finn.

She showed Finn the Queen Anne’s lace blooming in sunny patches and explained how the flowers got their name. When this prompted endless questions from Finn, Josephine laughed and answered each one she knew with the patience she forgot she had.

They watched monarchs and viceroys flutter through the flowers as they searched for pollen. When Finn asked what made them different, Josephine told her about poisonous insects and those that mimicked them to stay safe from predators. She laughed at Finn’s wide eyes when she learned that the sweet little birds flying overhead could be dangerous to any living creature.

By the time they reached the edge of the woods and could see the house on the other side, Josephine was sorry their time was at an end. She walked hand-in-hand with Finn to the wooden fence along the edge of the property. It was purely decorative, but Josephine didn’t want to trespass. She would leave that to the six-year-olds.

“Bye, Josephine!”

Finn didn’t wait for Josephine to say goodbye. She took off running towards the house. Josephine didn’t want to turn away. It was only rational to watch the girl get inside. To be sure she made it all the way home safely. When Finn paused in the middle of the yard to wave wildly at Josephine, Josephine grinned and waved as wildly as her joints would let her back at the girl.

Finn’s laughter echoed across the open space as she spun and ran the rest of the way inside. Josephine watched the door slam behind Finn before she turned back to the woods. A deep voice stopped her.

“Josephine, is that you?”

Josephine turned to see Clyde, her old school crush striding towards her. It looked like he was coming from the shed.

“Oh, Clyde. Hello.”

“What brings you over to my neck of the woods.”

Clyde grinned at the joke he always made since moving to the property behind her house ten years ago. Usually, Josephine glared at him. They were both surprised when she laughed at the joke this time.

“I was just making sure…do you have a granddaughter?”

Josephine couldn’t remember if he did. She knew he had three sons, but she couldn’t for the life of her remember how many grandchildren he had and if they identified as boys or girls.

“Not that I know of. Just a passel of boys like me and Mauddie had.”

Josephine smiled in sympathy. He’d lost his wife just before moving to the farm behind hers. But then his words really registered.

“Then who…how do you know Finn?”

“Finn?”

“Yeah.”

Clyde started laughing like that was the funniest joke he’d ever heard. Josephine’s mouth reverted back to the natural frown her face always fell into before meeting Finn.

“What’s so funny?”

“The last time I called you Finn was when we were in eighth grade. You started making everyone call you Josephine and flattened anyone who messed up.”

Clyde rubbed a finger along the crooked bridge of his nose with a rueful smile.

“I’m still wearing my reminder not to call you Finn anymore.”

“But that’s...”

She’d forgotten her old nickname. Just like she’d forgotten so much about being a child. It was coming back now. Her decision to go by Finn when she turned six because she hated the name Josephine, but thought Jo was too boyish. Her realization years later that Finn was also a boy’s name. Her decision when she started high school to go back to Josephine because she wanted people to take her seriously as an adult despite still being a child. All her decisions every day since then to bury Finn deeper and deeper within herself until she could no longer find her.

She’d forgotten so much.

“You okay?”

Clyde looked at her like she was about to have a stroke right then and there. Josephine smiled at the absurd notion. This didn’t seem to make Clyde feel any better. Apparently, he was as unused to her smiling as she was.

“How about you come in for a drink. You look like you’ve done a fair bit of walking.”

Between the jog to catch up with Finn and their walk through the woods, Josephine realized she was feeling the healthy glow of a body well-exercised

“I’d like that,” Josephine agreed.

Clyde helped her get through the gaps in the fence and walked with her on the same path she’d just watched Finn run through towards the house.

“You know, I think I’d like to go back to being Finn again.”

“You mean it?”

Josephine laughed at the incredulous look on Clyde’s face.

“Yes. I think I’ve missed a lot about being Finn.”

“Me too, Finn. Me too.”

Josephine laughed even harder as the prairie wind whipped against her, sending electricity down her spine. This time, she was ready to move.