Rewind to Unwind

I’ve been sitting on pause for 3 days. I think that’s about as long as you can go without water. You can go without food for much longer. My stomach pangs beg to differ, but the water. The water is a problem. At least I think it is. I’m getting fuzzy. I’m hot but I can’t sweat. My mouth is dry and my tongue is so big that it’s run out of real estate in my mouth. Like a fury, hot animal that has outgrown its burrow.

What the hell is “sitting on pause"? I didn’t know it was a phrase or remote possibility until 6 days ago. 3 days before I ended up in this predicament. 6 days. Feels like way more and less at the same time. Probably because not much has happened in 3 days. Unless you count going over my “predicament” and trying to find a solution where my mom doesn’t die, not much happening. I guess I mean not much like my friends mean it. Like, I haven’t gone anywhere. Just sitting here trying to solve a puzzle while my brain drinks the last of my hydration like a greedy datacenter in amazon’s backyard.

Think.

Drink?

See what I mean? I’m getting fuzzy.

OK, I just jumped in here. Probably because all I can think about is impending doom spliced in between every gatorade commercial that I’ve ever seen. Gatorade went heavy on the youtube ads for a while so I’ve got a stockpile of mental footage of athletes dripping neon sweat and then sloshing electrolyte packed hydration all over their faces. So little of it went into their mouths. I would kill for a drop.

Kill.

Crap. I did it again. Drifted off. Fuzzy. Told you.

6 days ago. That’s when this all started. How many stories have started off with an every day, totally normal 12 year old boy living a totally normal life when all of the sudden an extraordinary event shakes the fabric of his life, and maybe all life, forever? Well, add another one to the pile… except this one is me. And it’s real.

I woke up early on Friday morning. My parents left me in charge of my siblings on Thursday night and we watched a show about unsolved mysteries. Aliens, time travel, chupacabras, you know the stuff. I love that stuff. Honestly, I can’t get enough… Well, I couldn't get enough. Sorry, fuzzy again. The only problem is that I’m terrified of this stuff. One time I read a book for 2nd graders about aliens and I couldn’t sleep through the night for an entire year. One whole year of laying awake in bed. I had more rings under my eyes than the crop circles I read about.

I guess I don’t learn lessons though because I can’t stop watching this stuff. My younger siblings don’t lose any sleep and any sleep they thought about losing I absorb instead. So we watched the show on Thursday night and like clock-work I could sleep. Up early with dad to watch him make his coffee and unleash his morning farts before mom wakes up.

Mom…

I was early out to the bus stop which sucked because it was unseasonably cold that morning. That’s what the weather app said anyway. Unseasonably. I think cold and winter go hand in hand so it feels pretty seasonally appropriate to me. I still chose to only wear my traditional hoodie and crocs. Can’t go breaking tradition.

Before the neighbor kids showed up to the stop a black SUV drove by my house. It slowed down just a little as it cruised past my driveway. I live in the suburbs and so SUVs aren’t a rare occurrence but the flavor of choice for moms around here is white. Also, most of the SUVs in the conspiracy shows I watch are black. I barely took note before the Triplets arrived. They are my friends in the house next door to ours. I call them the triplets because they are triplets. Yeah… sorry, fuzzy, remember?

The bus came and dropped us off to school about 15 minutes before classes started. Our school was built in the 70s and had been remodeled a few times. It had lots of old brick, an old smell, but a few new walls. It was low on windows but big on fluorescent lights. Paint and an updated school logo can only take you so far, but I appreciate the effort.

I was barely in the homeroom when the phone in our classroom rang. My teacher, Ms Daisy, picked it up without thinking and while still staring at her computer screen said, “Dale, head over to the office really quick to pick something up”

Why is my face turning red? She didn’t even say anything embarrassing. Getting singled out at all in middle school is like being the first to poke your head out of the trench. (We’ve been reading lots of WW2 books this semester). You don’t want to make yourself an easy target. Luckily no one else bats an eye. Too early and we aren’t coffee drinkers yet. Phew. Metaphorical bullet dodged.

“Uh… ok” I responded while slipping out of my seat and slinking, head lowered to the door. I’m taller than average with big, poofy hair so making myself small is difficult. But I subconsciously try anyway.

I don’t know if it’s the hindsight of memory or if this part actually happened, but I swear the lights were buzzing as I walked down the hall to the office. They were pulsing like a steady heartbeat that seemed to increase the closer I got to the office. Am I remembering that right? Didn’t I think that was weird?

Fuzzy.

There’s two men in black suits standing in front of the main office desk. They are wearing black sunglasses inside. They both are clean shaven, square jaws, impeccable posture, athletic builds, and they are staring right at me. It’s like the g-men from all of the conspiracy shows jumped out of my tv and into my school. I start sweating. I didn’t know it then, but I could really use that moisture right now.

“Dale. Your mom has had an accident and you need to come with us right away.” The first agent with dark hair said to me in a deep voice without any discernible accent. I live in rural Georgia so not having an accent is a fairly noteworthy achievement. I tend to zone out when people are telling me things. Even important things from scary looking people.

“Did you hear me?” He looked shocked at my lack of reaction. I’ve seen this look from my mom a million times when I come back to earth from whatever planet my brain was visiting. She’s never gotten used to my daydreaming capabilities. I doubt this guy will too.

“Uh yeah… my mom? How do you know my mom?”

“That’s not important right now. What’s important is that we don’t delay and get to your mom ASAP.” The dark haired agent said. His voice sounded a little more perturbed. Still without an accent. The lighter hair agent never broke his gaze at me. If he was perturbed, then he wasn’t showing it. If he was feeling anything he wasn’t showing it.

“Kid… hello? We need to go.” the agent said not hiding his perturbedness now. I looked at the office manager and she was staring at her computer typing something. She could feel me looking and said flatly, without looking up “they have a note.”

“Uh… ok.” I said, shrugging my shoulders and sinking my head a little lower. I usually trust adults. I was raised in the south where respecting authority is next to godliness. I didn’t trust these guys. Not a single bit.

We exited the office and turned the big brick corner of my middle school and there in the roundabout at the front of the school was a big, black SUV. I couldn’t say for certain that it was the one from the morning, but I’m also an amateur conspiracy theory connoisseur that doesn’t believe in coincidences. It had to be the same vehicle. I trusted these guys less than a fart after too much ice cream.

“Get in.” The dark haired guy opened the passenger side door to the backseat. The blood was rushing to my head. Or out of my head. It was hard to tell but the world felt like it was getting further and further away. Not like one of my daydreams where I float to mars on a life raft but the feeling I get right before I –

“Ah man he barfed!” The light haired guy can speak! He sounds perturbed now too.

“He missed the car. We’ll be alright. Get him in.” The dark head guy said directly his disgust to the lighter haired agent. They shared a look. I’m not sure they are friends. I’m getting toxic work place vibes.

I’m pushed into the car while wiping the remains of strawberry poptart off of my face. I need water. Unfortunately, a theme that I did not know would continue. I fall into the black leather back seat and my eye is drawn to a shiny object behind the driver's seat. It’s under the seat where it’s easy to miss unless you’re a kid or have kids. Mom made me clean out the family van a few times and that’s where I found my missing Nintendo Switch controller and half of a breakfast bar. It was still tasty.

That shiny object. It takes me a moment to focus because my eyes are still watering from the barf. I blink a few times and the picture becomes clear. It’s a ring. It’s a gold ring with a circle on top and the letter D. My mom has a ring like that… Wait.

I sit straight up in the backseat. A cold sweat instantly forms on the back of my neck and cheeks. The two agents turn slowly in synchrony to look at me. Glasses still on. Expressionless.

“What did you say happened to my mom again?” I say. My voice cracking as a function of my age and current stress level.

“We didn’t.” The dark haired agent says coldly as he puts the SUV in drive. I’ve seen mom’s driving through the parking lot on two wheels to drop their kids off before the bell rings but no one has ever exited the school parking lot faster than we did that day. New high score.

Ok, right, how did I get here? Why am I on pause? What the heck is pause? Let me fast forward a bit… that will make more sense in a second.

“Mom, you’re alive!” I yell as I limp-sprint to my mom at full speed. Full speed for a guy limp-sprinting. My steps echo across the vast, empty warehouse that sits “For Lease” about 15 miles outside of town.

I’ll have to rewind to how I got the limp in a little bit. Right now we have to save my mom.

My mom is hurt. She’s laying on the cold, damp floor of this abandoned warehouse, but her eyes are bright. She is excited to see me. The excitement quickly turns to a mix of fear and dread. I’ve never seen her eyes like this before. It freaks me out.

“Dale! Honey! What are you doing here?” She whispers through labored breaths. She is hurt more than she’s letting on. I don’t know that she could get up to walk out of here.

“Mom. I found it.” Her eyes stop looking me over for injuries and snap to lock with mine. It’s the most intense stare, in a week of intense stares, that I have ever seen.

“What did you find?” She says very slowly and very carefully. Like she is both afraid of the answer but also wants to make sure I get the answer correct.

“I found the switch. The time switch. Your project. I found it.” I feel excited to tell her but her face falls. Her eyes leave mine and start darting around on the floor. She’s thinking and whispering to herself. It’s what she does when she’s deep in thought around the house. Mostly when she’s thinking about work or sorting out how to get me to pay more attention to important details.

“How did you find it? I hid it. I didn’t think that anyone could–”

“Yeah, well you left some clues and I was being chased and desperate so I sorted it out. I found it.”

That actually makes her smile.

“I guess you can pay attention.” She whispers. The smile seems to hurt and fades away.

Clank! The door on the opposite side of the warehouse opens. The light haired agent busts through panting and still bleeding from his right eyebrow. I can’t tell if his right eye is still there because of all the blood. It’s pretty gruesome and I don’t like blood so I want to look away but I can’t. I need to see what he’s going to do.

He doesn’t take long to show me what he’s going to do.

He pulls out his gun and starts shooting at us.

Maybe it’s the loss of depth perception from having one eye and all but his bullets spray pretty wildly for a highly trained operative. Count your blessings, right? I try to grab my mom but she is too heavy.

I lift again and she is helping and then I hear one more band and my mom isn’t helping to lift anymore. It takes a split second for me to understand what has happened but I don’t believe that it’s happened.

My mom’s been shot.

I got that feeling that the world is pulling away. I’m floating and there’s not enough blood flowing to my brain. Or too much. My ears are ringing and I can’t really see anything outside of a pin prick in front of me. Like a dark tunnel stretched out for miles.

She’s still breathing. Thank God she is still breathing. There’s so much blood though. It looks like she was hit in the stomach or something. Suddenly and violently she grabs me so hard it hurts and pulls me to her face.

Her eyes lock again.

“Run.” Her eyes close. She is breathing but it’s so shallow. I’m scared. More scared than I’ve ever been.

I can hear the footsteps of the agent closer now. He’s picking up pace and breathing heavily. Weezing.

“Pause.”

Silence.

No more steps. No more breathing. No more dripping from the ceiling into cold puddles across the warehouse. Just deafening silence.

And here I am. Still sitting here 3 days later. At least, I think it’s three days. Time has stopped, you know?

The time switch has rules. Well, I call them rules. From what I can tell, you can rewind, pause, and fast forward time. You can change outcomes in the future based on what you know when you rewind, but you can’t move when you pause. You’re stuck in place.

I’m terrified that if I rewind and try to find my way back to my mom that I won’t be able to do it. There were so many close calls and strokes of luck to get here. What if I can't make it back?

I’m paralyzed. Stuck staring at her face. What if I can’t save her?

But what if I can?

Fuzzy.

Fuzzy but I know what I have to do.

I have to go back to the beginning and sort this out. My mom is counting on me.

I can save her.

“Rewind.”