Who's Zoomin' Who?

The massage business was not panning out. She barely had enough money to live. But now, she had an alternative plan. She began looking into the United States Air Force officer's training program. She learned from brochures that the cut off was thirty two years of age. This year she would turn thirty one. So she'd just make it under the wire. Three personal references had to be submitted. Her friend Bob would do a good job on that. Writing ads was what he did for a living. Her friend Hillary kept telling everybody that she was a writer, though not having published anything, ever. She would, at least, be capable of writing a decent letter. And then there was Ted. She had worked under Ted in the buyer's office at Lord and Taylor. He would be good for someone as a professional reference. Yup, those were her three. Then there was the matter of the test that had to be taken. She was always good at taking tests. But there's no telling what the heck would be on it. Well, there was only one way to find out. The recruiter's office was all the way down on Wall Street. She picked up the phone to make an appointment.

She was told that Sergeant Rivera would be available to meet with her on Tuesday at 9:30 AM. And so it was that she got on the early morning bus to make the trip into Manhattan from Riverdale. She took the elevator up to the 4th floor and walked into room 412 right on time. “Good Morning, are you Sergeant Rivera?” she greeted.

“I am. Good morning to you. You must be Jerri Banks. Have a seat,” he invited.

“So you are thinking about joining the United States Air Force, going in for officer's training. Is that right, Ms Banks.” Sergeant Rivera qualified.

“Well yes it is,” Jerri resounded. “Up until now I have tried various careers, and nothing has really taken shape for me. I was in retail, working at Lord and Taylor for several years. From there I went to school for training in massage therapy. I've been licensed for a couple of years now. While I enjoy the work, it is not so easy building a practice. It takes time and I'm not sure that I have the networking skills to make it a success. Now that I'm in my 30s I am feeling that I have to get a little more serious about finding something to hang my hat on. So I am just exploring the possibility of a career in the

military. It's not something that I've considered before, but ya don't know until you do a little research. It might be just the thing for me,” she clarified.

“So I see that you brought our brochure with you. From that you know that you will have to provide three references that attest to your character. And then there is the officer candidate's exam. It is given the first Saturday of the month out on Rosalind, Long Island. The next exam will be on February 8th. It takes a full day to complete the exam. It starts at 9:00 AM sharp. I will register you for the exam. I will also be driving you out to the Island. It takes a while to get there. We will have to leave here by

7:30 AM. How does all of that sound to you, Ms Banks?”

“It sounds like I better get a good night's sleep on February 7th,” Jerri declared. “I am anxious to take this exam to find out if I have what it takes. And I will be getting those reference letters to you as soon as possible. I have already determined just who I will be asking to write those letters,” Jerri assured.

“Very well! I will be in touch with you as soon as I have made your registration.” It was all in the works now. Sergeant Rivera was happy that he had a recruit candidate. It had been awhile since he'd had one as promising as Ms. Jerri Baker.

February 8th arrived. There was the long bus ride into Manhattan at the ungodly hour of 6:30 AM. Once there, she and Sergeant Rivera took the elevator down to the garage to get the car that would take them out to Long Island. There wasn't much conversation between the two of them. It was too early for small talk. Jerri didn't feel much like schmoozing. Sergeant Rivera wasn't her usual choice of company.

The testing facility looked like every other generic government building, boring-gray architecture. The testing room too, was generic. The desks were lined up in rows, with 4 foot aisles in-between. There were about 25 guys and gals seated for the exam. It looked to Jerri like she was probably the oldest one there. The very serious proctor handed out the booklets, pencils and computer answer sheets. Explaining the rules of the game as he

handed out the materials, he made it clear that time was of the essence. “If you don't know an answer, keep moving on. It's not about how many you get right, it's about how many questions you answer,” he advised.

Tick-toc, Tick-toc. There were 5 basic categories that made up the exam. English grammar writing skills was the only one in which Jerri knew she made the mark. The rest of it, she really didn't know what it was. There were drawings of what appeared to be something that an airplane pilot would be looking at if he were seated in a cockpit. Honestly, for some of these graphics Jerri actually turned the booklet sideways and upside down to see if it made any difference or gave her any clue as to what might be the right answer. At this point, she was far gone, but she still remembered the advice of the very serious proctor--”keep moving, it's how many questions you answer.” With that, she devised a plan. For every answer that she didn't know (which was about 75% of the exam) she chose answer “C”. C-C-C-C, all the way down the line, she filled in those little oval shaped circles with her #2 pencil. What a way to go! Well, this was a total waste of time, but still, somewhat interesting.

The ride back to the city was pretty chilly. When asked how she thought she did, she looked at Sergeant Rivera and replied, “I haven't got a prayer---now way, no chance, no how.” With that, Sergeant Rivera realized that he had wasted his time. So there was nothing much to say.

Two weeks had passed when her phone rang. “Hello, is this Jerri Banks,” asked the voice on the other end of the line. “Yes, this is Jerri. Who is this?”

“Hi Jerri. This is Sergeant Rivera. I'm calling to tell you that you had great results on the test! With your high score, “the brass” wants to set up an interview with you. This is your next step to see if you can make the grade.” Sergeant Rivera's voice was cheery.

“Honestly Sergeant, you must have those test results mixed up. I'm telling you, I didn't

know anything about anything on that exam except for the part of proving my grasp of the English language. I mean it! I put “C” for almost all of the answers!” Jerri was not gonna beat around the bush. She wanted the Sergeant to know what was really what. And besides, she didn't even think that she wanted to do any of this anymore. Jerri truly didn't know what she wanted.

“I'm telling you Jerri, your results were great. They want to talk to you. Now you can't tell me that you aren't at least interested in hearing what they have to offer? They have indicated to me that they would like to see you next week Thursday. Do you think that you could make that appointment?” Sergeant Rivera wasn't gonna let this recruit slip away. “OK, but this is really a joke, Sergeant. I'll do it just to play along, just to see how far this farce goes.” Jerri decided then and there, this was a game, a funny funny game. “It's settled then. You will meet me here at the same place as before by 10:00 AM. Your interview is at noon,” concluded Sergeant Rivera.

“This is absolutely insane! I just can't believe it! You know how I told you I was so lost on that exam that I was actually turning some of those drawings upside down to see if that would help me figure it out.” Jerri exclaimed to her friend, Hillary.

“So I guess I didn't write that letter of recommendation for nothing! But if what you are saying is true about answering “C” for every other question, what does that say about what it takes to get into the Air Force?” Hillary was thinking the same thing as Jerri. “Well, the whole thing is just crazy. So I'm gonna give them crazy.”

“What do you mean, you're gonna give them crazy?” Hillary was intrigued.

“When they ask me why I wanna be an officer in the Air Force, I am gonna tell them that what I really want to do is train to be a spy. You know I always loved that James Bond stuff, Sean Connery and all of his gorgeous female antagonists. Oh, and then there's Spy vs. Spy. Those hilarious needle-nosed cartoon characters—one black and one white always trying to out-smart each other. Then along comes the grey one, the female

one. She always comes along at the last minute and out smarts both of them. Hilarious! That's what I wanna be. I wanna be the grey lady spy!” Jerri was positively jubilant. “Oh God, Jerri. So, it's your mission to go in there and blow them away. Ya know, you might get into trouble doing something like that. They might put you on “a list”.

“Hey Hillary, I'm probably on some list of some sort already.This is all gonna make a great story someday,” concluded Jerri.

“I couldn't agree more. Good luck and go get' em!” Hillary spurred Jerri on.

The big day arrived and Jerri was at Sergeant Rivera's office at 10:00 AM sharp. The ride out to Rosalind was a little more animated this time. Sergeant Rivera thought he had a live on the wire this time. And so unexpected too, considering that Jerri thought she had really tanked the test. “Don't be nervous,” his tone was relaxed. “Just go in there, and be yourself. They want to get to know you. They want to see how you respond to questions about your back ground. They will ask about your childhood, your education, your work history, why you think the Air Force is right for you, things like that.”

“I'll do my best,”she assured, all the while knowing she was gonna have some fun with this joke of an interview.

Again, the room was military bland, a non-descriptive desk and chair. But what walked through the door into the room was quite another matter. Oh my goodness! Hello....tall, dark and handsome!

“Hello Ms. Baker,” I am Lieutenant Coronal Braxton. He entered with a commanding presence and a masculine scent that reminded her of somebody she once knew.

“So, Ms Baker, Jerri, I see that you will soon turn 31. That means you've been out in the work force for a while now. What have you been doing during these past few years.” That was a question she had expected, and she would give an edited rendition.

“Right after graduating from college in South Dakota, I move to New York City. I got a job as an assistant buyer for Lord & Taylor. I worked there for several years and decided

that it really was not for me. From there I went back to school to study massage therapy. I sat for and passed the New York State Boards in 1983 which licensed me to practice massage therapy. I moved to Riverdale in 1984 and during the last couple of years I've been working on building a practice.” Jerri left out the 2 years before going back to school that she was an artist's model at Parson's School of Design. She didn't need anymore eyebrow raising.

“Oh I see.” The Lieutenant Coronal's voice sounded somewhat pondering. “So, what do you now see yourself doing in the Air Force officer's training program?” Another highly anticipated question for which Jerri would now spring her surprise answer.

With a long pause, looking around as if to indicate that someone else might be listening, she slowly leaned forward. “Well,” she said in an accentuated hush. “You see, I have always wanted to be a spy. I think I would really be good at it!”

Mr. Cool's calm and collected jaw dropped! “What makes you want to be a spy?” His question was asked as he began rapidly jotting on the note pad in front of him.

“Oh, I just think it would be so exciting. It would involve all kinds of travel, meeting all new, different kinds of people. I am very good with people, ya know. I'm very good at telling stories. I can make anyone believe anything I want them to believe. And I know that's what a good spy has to be able to do.” Jerri was on a roll. She knew she had achieved the outrageous. The more she elaborated on and on about how she could really help the country with her extraordinary capabilities, the faster Mr. tall, dark and handsome jotted on his note pad. Finally he put his pen down.

“Well, Ms. Baker,” his tone was conclusive, “I think I have all of the information that I need. Sergeant Rivera will be giving you a call. Have a good trip back to the city.”

On the ride back Jerri raved to Sergeant Rivera about her acing the interview. Getting his hopes up was a kind of guilty pleasure, to be sure.

One week later Jerri's phone rang. “Hello Ms Baker, this is Sergeant Rivera calling.” “Oh hi Sergeant,” Jerri feigned anticipation. “I've been waiting to hear from you.”

“Well, there's nothing to wait for anymore,” the Sergeant was to the point. “You didn't do well on the interview. They will not be going any further with you.”

“Well why not” This time Jerri feigned shock and surprise.

“I don't know why. They didn't say and I didn't ask.”

“Well how rude is that? Honestly, not to even give a reason. That's not nice!” Jerri was biting her lip in an effort to keep from laughing out loud.

“Good-by Ms. Baker and good luck.” Rivera was done.

“Oh my God!” Jerri laughed hysterically as she relayed the conversation with Rivera. “Man that Sergeant was pissed off that I blew that interview”

“Well, you really can't blame him. You got his hopes up for getting credit for a new recruit and then you pulled the rug out from under him. But who cares about him. What's important is that you had fun in a unlikely situation,” validated Hillary.

“I should have known better,” lamented Jerri. “I'm too colorful to be the grey lady spy.” THE END