Decidedly Lucy

Lucy stared at the open laptop screen until her eyes unfocused, and all the pixels swirled around in front of her. How long had she been sitting here? Staring, unmoving? She wiggled the mouse up and down the screen like a tiny mountain climber to refocus her eyes, to look at something definitive on the page of emails. There was a sale at Marshall’s. Delete. Would she like to know her credit score? Delete. There’s a new giveaway for a book on her shelf on Goodreads. Delete. With a sigh, she scrolls back to the top of the page. She can’t keep putting it off. The email she actually needs to address right now sits there unopened. The one that holds her future in its electronic hands.

Weeks ago, she came across an ad for a new job, new start, new life. It seemed to pop up out of nowhere on her socials page. But does that happen anymore with all the algorithms now? She needs only to think of a new pair of boots and suddenly shoe ads for boots come at her like piranhas. No, this had to be different though. It was like destiny as she read through the job description, benefits, and best of all, location.

Currently, Lucy was “in between careers”, as she told her friends, family, and the barista at Starbucks. Not that Petyr (yes, with a “y”), who made her lattes, even cared why she was there all week during typical working business hours. She had been a teller at a bank, a secretary at a school, a receptionist at a dentist’s office, among other transient jobs. That’s how she met her husband, Len. He came in for a root canal, left with her number, and the rest was unimaginative history. They dated for several months, she left her tiny apartment to move into his house (he had an actual house with a front porch and mailbox posted into the ground by the driveway), and then got married. Because why not? That’s what people did.

But now Lucy was restless, unemployed, and not in love with Len. Poor Len. He was a good enough guy, good enough husband. He didn’t yell, drink, gamble, or have any vices Lucy could see. Maybe that was her problem? She was bored with Len, a successful accountant at a very prestigious company. He was on track to move up in rank and pay scale, while she sipped lattes and scrolled Insta. Len was 8 years her senior, and the age gap was beginning to seem more like a bottomless dark trench she couldn’t get past. She noticed more gray hairs, especially when he decided to grow out a beard. And his hairline seemed to be tip toeing back further and further every day. Why hadn’t she thought this through more? Of course he’d age more quickly than her. And she’d be trapped in a big house with nothing to do and a husband who suggests “a nice roast” for dinner on Sundays.

Well, not any more! If that email says what she hopes it says, she’s leaving. This house, this town, Len, all of it. She can withdraw enough money before she leaves to get an apartment, with leftover cash for incidentals until her paychecks start rolling in. She can file for a divorce, meet someone else, and actually start living. Her world now felt so monochromatic, so blah, so routine. If she didn’t change things now, she’d just burst. Moving across the country, from the cold winters of the northern east coast, to the sunny west coast seemed like a dream come true. She was open to change in her life right now. She was open to adventure, new beginnings. All she had to do was open that email. Her hand hovered, the tiny arrow on the screen connected with the message still in bold. Still waiting.

Her phone pinged a text message. Len. I can pick up Chinese on my way home later. Let me know if you want something spicy or mild.

Oh, Len. Doesn’t even know how bad she craves something spicy. And not General Tso’s spicy, but LIFE spicy.

Definitely spicy.

She hits send and watches as the message is delivered to her unsuspecting husband. He really has been a good husband this past year. Lucy twists her wedding ring around her finger. Maybe things aren’t really all that bad. Beautiful home, loving husband, and she doesn’t need to work because of Len’s job. Should she just sit back, be happy with General Tso providing all the spice in her life? She thinks back to their wedding, her beautiful dress, all the little details she had insisted upon that Len just said, “Anything you want, dear” to and handed over his credit card. He did look handsome in his jet black tuxedo, blue rose in his pocket.

“A blue rose? Is that even natural?” her mother had asked.

“It doesn’t have to be, Mom. You can make roses any color you want. And I want blue.”

Because Lucy always got what she wanted. Not in a “spoiled-brat” kind of way, but more so in a “things just worked out” kind of way. When she wanted to be Homecoming Queen, she was. When she wanted to get into the same college as her back-then-bestie, she did. Lucy wondered what Gina was up to now, having graduated with a business degree. They lost touch, lost connection any deeper than a post-like on socials. And if Gina wasn’t going to update her accounts, how was Lucy supposed to know anything about her now? That’s on Gina, not Lucy, she decided.

But now, what an update Lucy would have if she did this thing. If she packed a bag, left town, left Len, and started life in California working as a marketer for a popular vineyard. She had dropped out of college before getting a degree, but she was a shrewd marketer at heart. She could get a nun to buy a helicopter. She just had a way of selling things. Of making people think they needed something, even if they clearly didn’t. And the application for the vineyard job never actually asked if she earned a degree from college, per se. It had asked which college, which major. And that she put down. She just left out the years attended and whether she actually left with a marketing degree. Water under the bridge, especially after they see how good she is. Well, if she got the job. They had called her a week after she submitted her application online, and set up a phone interview. She was sure she nailed it. They had told her there were several other applicants, and they would let her know via email once they had decided on the candidate to hire.

And here it was. The email she had been waiting for. The one that could very well change the entire trajectory of her life right now. Lucy closed her eyes. She took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, she quickly clicked the email and opened it. She read the message, took another breath, and closed her eyes again. There it was. Decided.