Jeff

When I was a senior in high school I had a friend named Jeff. That was back in 1978. I thought he was a little awkward but he didn’t seem to have many friends and my parents raised me to be a true follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ. Empathy. Compassion. It was a little odd at first, but eventually I became friends with Jeff and we got along well enough. He was just weird sometimes. It didn’t matter all that much to me. I had a lot of other things going on and we didn’t spend very much time together. I was mostly just trying to be kind and true to my principles.

“Who was that boy with the thick glasses who you were walking home with today? A new friend from school?” My mother was always getting in my business. I couldn’t wait to go off to college at UC Santa Cruz in September. I grew up here in Ohio where the winters are harsh and I have always wanted to live near the beach.

“Yeah, that’s my friend Jeff.” I didn’t feel the need to say anything more.

The next day was Friday and when I arrived at school I saw Jeff sitting in the principal’s office. I didn’t know why. I figured he would tell me if he wanted to tell me, but he never showed up for any of our classes together that day.

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Now it is July of 1991. I was watching the news today and I saw Jeff for the first time since I left for college. I hadn’t even really thought about him since then. Again, he was quiet and unassuming, but there are some memories of him that have stuck with me. He looked much the way he did back in high school. He still wore the thick glasses but now he had a shaggy haircut and some light facial hair.

The news report said that he had joined the army not long after I left for college and he was stationed at a base in Texas and then another in Germany. I was surprised by that. He never mentioned any desire for military service. He was difficult to know. There was always some distance between Jeff and everyone else, but he was a nice enough kid back when I knew him.

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One day when we were getting changed in the locker room after gym class I noticed Jeff staring at my genitals. As soon as I looked at him he quickly turned away and began pulling the clothes from his locker and getting dressed. I never had any reason to believe Jeff was gay before that but it made me think then. I decided to just not say anything about it.

A few days later, Jeff invited me to come over to his house to watch the Cleveland Indians game on TV. We were both fans, but I felt a little uncomfortable about it. I had never been to his house before but I wanted to be kind so I told him I could watch the first few innings but then I had to get going so I could do my homework before dinner.

His house smelled bad. The carpets were stained in some places and it was dark with all of the drapes closed. It seemed like the windows hadn’t been opened to let some air in for a very long time. Still, we turned on the TV and watched the game. The Indians were already losing by three runs in the top of the second. No surprise there. They were awful.

At some point I noticed that Jeff was subtly inching closer to me on the couch and when the palm of his hand lightly brushed over my knee I told him that I had to get back home. I had a big trigonometry test the following day. I grabbed my backpack and quickly let myself out and took a deep breath of the fresh air.

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Jeff has been all over the news lately. It has become a very big story. I am seeing his face on TV and in newspapers and magazines. I keep hearing his name on the radio and many of my friends and co-workers are talking about him.

I have decided to not tell anyone that I know him, at least for now.

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About a week after we graduated from high school I was walking home from the basketball court when I saw Jeff crouched down in an overgrown, grassy field in our neighborhood. I wanted to just keep my head down and continue on my way but I guess he saw me out of his peripheral vision because he stood up and looked at me, saying nothing. I didn’t want to be rude so I waved and walked towards him. He quickly began walking towards me and we talked for a few minutes about the things that each of us would be doing that summer. Neither of us had any real plans. I was mostly just preparing to leave for college. He wasn't doing much.

At some point I noticed a swarm of flies rising up from the patch of tall grass where Jeff had been crouched when I first saw him. There was something dark and furry over there. I told him I had to run. I had to go mow the lawn.

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Jeff’s trial began last week in a Milwaukee courthouse. It’s hard to believe the things that he is accused of.

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Towards the end of that summer in 1978, I was eating some cereal for breakfast one day when Jeff rang our doorbell. I opened the door and he just stared at me for a little while.

“Aaron, do you ever think about me?” His eyes had a strange light to them.

“Sure Jeff. We’re friends, right? I think about you.”

He just stared at me.

“Do you want to come in? I’m having some Froot Loops. You want some?”

He continued to stare at me a bit longer.

“No. I have to go.”

Without another word he walked away and I left for UC Santa Cruz about a week later. That was the last time I ever saw him in person.

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The trial is long finished now. Jeffrey Dahmer was convicted and sentenced for some of the most horrific and psychopathic crimes that one can possibly imagine. I still find it hard to believe the whole thing but there was a mountain of evidence and he confessed so I know it's all true. I don’t really want to get into the gory details. Besides, I’m sure you already know the story.

It is 2004 now and he has been dead for about ten years, beaten to death in the prison showers by another inmate serving a life sentence.

Sometimes I still remember how my old friend Jeff looked that last time I saw him standing there on my doorstep with that strange light in his eyes. I just wonder what he was thinking about as he stared back at me.

The End