The Mixers

“What was th… did you hear… Hey wake up! Did you hear that?” asked Doug.

“No, Douglas. I was sleeping,” said Brianna.

“I heard footsteps in the leaves,” he said.

“It was probably just a raccoon or a deer. Go back to sleep,” she said.

“There’s no way that was a deer. It was too big and clumsy,” he said.

“Fine, it was the abominable snow man. At least let me go back to sleep,” said Brianna rolling over in her sleeping bag.

“Sasquatch,” whispered Doug.

“What?”

“Abominable snowman is in Tibet, it’d be sasquatch here,” Doug informed her.

“For fuck’s sake, Doug. Go to sleep.”

“Shhh, shhh. Did you hear it that time?” he asked grabbing her shoulder.

“Oh shit. That sounded close,” she said sitting up.

“One of us should go out there. Bet you’re glad I brought your dad’s rifle now, huh?” asked Doug.

“Ya, sure, Doug. I’m ecstatic we get to shoot someb…wait, what do you mean one of us?” she demanded in a fierce whisper.

“What, you assume it has to be me?” said Doug.

“Umm, yes. You’re my boyfriend. Go protect us,” she said.

“I didn’t even wanna go camping. This is some BS.”

“Are you kidding me right now? You really want me to face the axe murderer first? Get your ass out there and check,” she said, not so gently pushing him.

“Fuck, give me the damn rifle. You’re gonna have to open the tent so I can jump out quick with the gun,” he said. “Middle of BFE. Probably shoot my own dick off on accident. Fucking bullshit,” he mumbled, as he crouched readying himself to leap.

“You’d have to be pretty unlucky to shoot your dick off with a rifle, Doug. You ready? One, two, three!” she said unzipping the tent door.

“Freeze, mother fu- ahh my hair! Bri, get my hair! Bri, it’s caught in the zipper,” yelled Doug as he flailed spasmodically.

“Okay, okay I got it. There, you’re free,” said Brianna.

“Hey, hey let’s all just relax,” said the stranger with his hands up.

“Just stay right there! Why the fuck are you creeping around our tent?” demanded Doug aiming the rifle at him.

“I wasn’t creeping, I just…Look, my name’s Frank. My wife Mindy and I are just over that way at another campsite,” said Frank. “See the fire?”

“Ya? How do we know that’s the truth?” Asked Doug motioning the gun.

“What? I…I don’t know man. Do you wanna march me over to my wife at gunpoint or something?” asked Frank.

“Well, what the hell are you doing over here anyway? Your campsite is way the fuck over there, man,” said Doug.

“Ya exactly, why are you over here in the middle of the night?” asked Brianna, crouched within the tent.

“Ya, you’re right, it looks crazy. But I’m just a little buzzed and wanted to see about mixers.”

“What?” asked Brianna.

“Honey? Is everything okay?” called a voice from the only campground with a fire still lit.

“Everything’s fine, honey. I’ll be back in a bit,” yelled Frank in response.

“Is that a freakin gun! What’s happening?” called Mindy a little slurred.

“Just a misunderstanding, gorgeous. Everything’s fine,” Frank replied across the campgrounds.

“Goood! Then shut the fuck up!” came a new voice from a different campsite.

“Look, I’m sorry I scared you guys. You were the last ones up, and I thought I smelled weed earlier from here, so… I guess I just thought you were the best bet,” said Frank.

“Best bet for what?” asked Doug as he lowered the rifle.

“Well, all we got left is this vanilla flavored vodka. I’m getting real bored with vanilla. So, we were hoping for mixers. Like, pop, seltzer, fruit, anything really,” said Frank.

“Fruit?” asked Bri.

“Ya, like strawberries or pineapple. We’re just looking for mixers. You’re welcome to join us now that I woke you up so rudely. Mindy won’t mind,” said Frank as he swayed a bit.

“Nah man, we don’t have anything but water to drink. We finished everything earlier,” Doug replied.

“Oh. Okay. No problem. I apologize for waking you up and scaring you,” said Frank.

“Alright. Well, we weren’t actually scared, but you should probably announce yourself earlier next time. Anyway, sorry for aiming a gun at you. My name’s Doug, and this is Brianna,” said Doug.

“Nice to meet you guys. I’ll just head back now, but the offer still stands to join us. Sorry again,” said Frank as he left.

“What in the hell was that? I mean they must be shit faced,” said Brianna.

“Right? Here, take the rifle,” said Doug climbing in the tent.

“He must really hate vanilla. Why would they even bring it?” she said zipping the door closed.

“No idea. And why would floating some fruit in it be any better?” he asked shaking his head.

“Hah, exactly. I was like what the- wait a minute,” she said leaning in close. “You don’t think they were swingers do you?” she asked with eyes wide.

“What? Why? Ohhhhh, the pineapple thing,” he said.

“Yup. Annnd, and he kept talking about them wanting mixers,” she said.

“That was a kinda weird way to phrase it. I don’t know, maybe he was just drunk and stupid,” said Doug.

“Probably, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t swingers,” she said with a grin.

“Ya, I guess not. Hah. Man, that’s ballsy. He just decides to wake us up in the middle of the night to find out. No wonder he needed to be drunk,” chuckled Doug.

“Doesn’t vanilla mean something too? Like normies or something?” asked Bri.

“I don’t know, why you interested?” asked Doug laughing.

“I mean…maybe,” she said.

“What! Really?” asked Doug.

“Well, we did talk about it a few times. Aren’t you a little curious?” she asked.

“Talk is one thing, but this is right here in front of us,” said Doug.

“If you don’t want to, I totally get it. But we won’t ever see these people again if it goes badly,” she said.

“She was pretty hot… I saw them earlier at the lake,” he said chewing his lip.

“Hey,” she protested.

“Well, you obviously liked him, or you wouldn’t have mentioned it,” he said.

“Ya, he was alright. Holy shit. Are we seriously thinking about this?” she asked.

“Ya, I think we are. Are you okay with it? No hurt feelings?” he asked.

“Not on my end. Are you fine with it? Like all of it?” She asked with raised eyebrows.

“I’m good. I say we go for it,” he said.

“Oh man, this is crazy. Do I look okay?” she asked.

“You are absolutely beautiful. I think they’re the lucky couple. Come on, let’s go,” he said unzipping the tent.

“Here’s your flip flops,” she said as she slipped into her own.

“That’s their fire over there, follow me,” he said pointing.

“I can barely see the ground, gimmie your hand,” she said.

“Now we’re the ones creepin on the come up,” he whispered laughing.

“This is nuts, Douglas,” she said crunching over the dry leaves.

“Extra nuts. Like there will literally be an extra pair of nuts tonight,” said Doug with a grin.

“Oh my god, shut up. You’re so ridiculous,” she said laughing.

“Okay, here we go,” said Doug as they stepped into the firelight. “Hey, hello again.”

“Holy crap,” blurted Frank as he fell off his stump.

“Whaaa?” said Mindy slowly turning to see them. “Oh hi.”

“Hi, I’m Doug. This is Brianna. We Just thought we might take you guys up on your offer for, ahem…company,” said Doug.

“Sure, grab a log and s-sit down,” said Mindy.

“Man, you scared the heck out of me. Guess it’s only fair, huh?” asked Frank with a big smile. “Here, have a drink. Sorry, it’s the only thing we’ve got.”

“I’m okay, we don’t drink much hard alcohol,” said Brianna waving away the bottle.

“Oh, okay. Sooo, you guys just came to hang out then?” asked Frank blinking slowly.

“Well, I mean ya. That and a little more,” said Doug.

“Oh cool. Alright. Like, like what?” asked Frank.

“You guys swing right?” asked Brianna.

“Wha…what do you mean?" asked Mindy.

“You know like partner swapping,” said Doug.

“Whoa, hold on a minute there, guy,” said Frank standing up. “What kind of people do you take us for?”

“Did we misunderstand? I mean you were talking about pineapples and wanting mixers. Ahh shit, look we thought that’s what you were asking us,” said Doug in a flurry of words.

“What in the hell is he talking about, Frank?” demanded Mindy glaring at her husband.

“I got no clue, I swear,” said Frank with his hands up once again.

“You are so dirty and dis-disgusting. I can’t believe you,” said Mindy.

“Hey let’s go. This is getting awkward,” whispered Bri tugging on Doug’s sleeve.

“Yup, don’t make eye contact, come on,” agreed Doug.

“Oh, ya great. Just leave me like this. Thanks, guys. Way to drop a bomb and bail on me,” Frank yelled after them.

“Sure, blame it all on them. You’re such a freakin pig,” yelled Mindy.

“Well, that was embarrassing,” panted Doug as they scrambled back in the dark.

“Their loss, I guess,” replied Brianna.

“Hah, I guess so. Shit, I can still hear her ripping his ass. Poor guy,” said Doug.

“Holy Shit! Shut up and go to sleep!” screamed the anonymous voice from a different campsite.

“At least we tried,” chuckled Brianna as she zipped up the tent.