Hollow Cravings

Hollow Cravings

Walter was hungry. He was always hungry. The hunger drove him. The hunger lived with him at all times, all he could think about while swimming in endless circles. Fed off scrapes as his true dream sat just out of reach.

As the pet goldfish for Room 5 of Mountain Valley School his greatest desire was grubby sticky delicious little children fingers. All day walking past him tapping their little hands against the glass, drawing hearts on his tank, and dangerously dangling their fingers as they sprinkled his food into the tank.

Food, ugh.

That’s what these humans called the flakes of empty paper he was forced to consume. Walter ate them because he had no choice. The things one must do to survive. So he survived. Survived off the pinch of flakes and the memory.

The Memory truly sustained him.

Well, the memory and the haunting hope that one day it might happen again.

February 3, 2021. The date written in red and pink whiteboard marker, shouted at him in a chant that morning. A new student, Walter hadn’t had the pleasure of hearing her name, stuck her fingers in his tank to “pet the cute little fishy”. Pink overalls, a bow in her yellow orange hair. Toothy smiled shoved up against the glass of his prison. A classic glass bowl with a wide open top.

“Will you be my friend Walter?” she asked as she stuck her hand into the water. Walter didn’t know what was happening, children were not to be trusted and without thinking he bit in fear on the giant finger looming towards him.

Ahhh, the taste. A little salty, a little sweet, soft. Perfection. A feeling he had never known before filled his soul. The memory of that taste haunted him day and night. Would he ever experience that glorious taste again? Would the rest of his life pass by with his dream just out of reach? Haunting him during the school day, and his dreams during the quiet secluded nights.

His arch nemesis - Ms. Penelope Williams-the teacher of Room 5 had immediately warned the children to keep their hands off Walter because the germs on their fingers could hurt him. As if he could be taken down by such meager means. And because the children apparently “cared about him” they listened to their teacher and kept their hands away. The year passed. Walter’s hope grew with each passing day of summer. New year, new students, new brains with no ingrained rules about touching. A frazzled teacher with no memory of the rule.

Then Ms. Penelope hit him with the knockout punch. Honestly, if she wasn’t keeping him from his dream he would be impressed with her sneaky creativeness.

She found a way to keep Walter “safe” and teach the children. His glass bowl replaced with an “aquaponic” tank. Walter watched the lesson in confusion as Ms. Penelope led the students in a class vote about which seeds they should plant above Walter’s new tank. James shouted out, as he tended to do, “We are going to feed our plants Walter poop!”

Ahh, the wit of children leaves much to be desired.

Basil, lettuce and cherry tomatoes. The plants that would be placed over the opening of his new tank with only a tiny slot for the meager paper flakes. He didn’t know how many years he had left, how many more opportunities to achieve his dream. He would not be taken down by this mere slip of a teacher. He just had to be as equally creative. There is no one who knew his prey more than he, no one who had spent their life watching and learning.

On a sunny Spring day his hope bloomed again. Little Johnny arrived in the classroom. Little Johnny fresh from an attempt at homeschool who quickly demonstrated an ability to hear the word no. Walter began planning.

March 13, 2023

10:00am

Know thy enemy. Thy enemy of my enemy is my friend. Little Johnny was Mr Penelope’s enemy and therefore Walter’s patsy. Walter didn’t have friends. Ms. Penelope had found that out the hard way.

Unable to hear the word no, a mother also unable to hear the word no and a brain that only listened to his slightest impulses. Also, the student who happened to be in charge of feeding Walter during recess. On a week where Ms. Penelope had yard duty. Bless the woman, she may have been a mastermind but timing was not her strong suit. Year after year Walter watched her rush out to her first yard duty of the week in a frazzled haze shouting “Don’t forget to feed Walter!” Today was no different. Know thy enemy.

Walter waited up by the top of his tank directly below the feed hole. Circling. Waiting for that face against the glass to appear amid the haze of rushing bodies.

Little Johnny squished his face against the glass just as a purple dressed disappeared out the door.

“HELLO WALTER!! ARE YOU HUNGRY?” If only his patsy had volume control.

Walter began swimming erratically to get the boys’ attention, flipping and spinning until the world became a flesh colored blur. Waving one fin then the other. Constant movement until he felt dizzy. Little black dots peppered his vision. Walter peaked open an eye to see the fruits of labor.

Johnny wasn’t even looking at him, he was gaping at the door as a ball flew into the classroom. Directly into his stomach.

Johnny collapsed to ground screaming.

The hope left Walter faster than the air from little Johnny’s lungs.

10:30am

Ms. Penelope’s purple dress glittered in the sun as she stood by the bookshelf where Walter’s tank was placed. Her breathing heavy distracted Walter from his pity party over broken dreams as she picked up the phone mounted on the wall.

“Hi, Mrs. Williams, it’s Ms. Penelope. I was just out at yard duty when Johnny and Braiden started screaming at each other about someone throwing a ball, and name-calling, and pencil stealing. I can’t figure out a word of what their saying…well screaming. I need to walk my class to art. Can you please send out Mrs. Bethany?”

Ms. Penelope listened for a minute as she ran her hands through her hair before hanging up the phone.

Walter’s heart perked. That was her sign of being distracted. Know thy enemy. He had another chance. Johnny hadn’t fed him. Another student would be sent on the mission, hopefully without supervision. He began swimming in circles again, bobbing up at the top of the water. If he could just get her too….

“Oh no, I bet that little shit didn’t even feed Walter.”

Yes! Walter could taste victory on his lips. It was sweet, and sticky.

“Kiley!” She called as she jogged out to the waiting class, “Can you feed Walter and meet us in the art room?"

Walter sagged in despair. In illustrated versions of the dictionary next to teacher’s pet was a picture of Kiley. The girl once told on her mother for lying about Kiley missing school because of a doctors appointment (it had actually been a spa day.)

Walter’s heart sagged as Kiley approached him. What had he done to deserve such pain, such disappointment? He watched year after year as students achieved their dream of reading, writing, mastering their multiplication tables. He knew life was inherently unfair, but how was he supposed to live hopeless? When would his time come?

Walter let himself sink down to the little cave placed at the bottom of his cave. Might as well hide.

Kiley’s glittering dress filled his tank with light.

“Well, hello cute little fishy. Will you be my friend?”

If you knew you were 3 failures away from your dream, would you quit?