I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll do it.

Saturday

Every Saturday me and my buddy Mikey always go for a walk together in the park as long as it doesn't rain. It started a few years back with us both happening to walk our dogs at the same time in the same park each week. Eventually we started talking to each other on our walks. Neither of our dogs remain, but we still take our walk together every week anyways.

Over time, these walks have started meaning more and more to me. When my dog Henceford passed away, I figured that would be the end of the silly walking ritual Mikey and I had. I decided to show up one last time to let Mikey (Or Michael as I called him back then) know that I would probably no longer walk my dog as I no longer had a dog. Mikey comforted me and really helped me deal with the loss of my dog, and on that day Mikey and I both realized how much our walks together meant to us. From that point onward, our relationship was no longer out of happenstance, but instead a deliberate effort for us to meet with each other every single Saturday afternoon that the weather permitted.

Recently, Mikey has meant more to me than ever before. When my girlfriend dumped me a little over a month ago, Mikey was there for me and it really helped me get over her. Ever since then, our walks together have become the part of my week that gets me the most excited and I look forward to them every day. We talk on the phone and hang out occasionally on other days of the week, but the walks together are really special for me and I'm not exactly sure why.

Eventually, however, all good things must come to an end. Soon, both of us will go off to college. I've already been admitted early-decision to my dream university of Eastton, but Mikey still hasn't decided where he wants to go. He's been accepted to both Eastton and the more prestigious University of Westton, and he still hasn't decided which one to go to. They're dead even to him, and while I think it'd be better for him to go to the University of Westton, he hasn’t decided yet. He told me he'll make his final decision right after our next walk together, the day before the University of Westton’s enrollment deadline.

Selfishly I hope he chooses Eastton. Eastton and the University of Westton are far away from each other, so we won’t be able to see each other any more when he goes to the University of Westton. I haven't told him that I’m going to Eastton. If he knew that, he’d definitely go there, and I think he’d have a better future at Westton. I don’t want him to make his choice of university based on something unimportant like me. I can’t stop thinking about which university he’ll go to. But tomorrow I’ll get it off my mind.

Sunday

I had a realization today. It’s something that I’ve been suspecting for awhile now, but today I finally know it for certain.

I love Mikey.

I had started writing about my day today and after thinking about it for half a second my feelings became glaringly obvious. I had a nightmare this morning that Mikey decided to go to the University of Westton and I woke up crying. This afternoon, I visited Mikey to help him move furniture in his house and I couldn’t help but constantly notice how strong he was. But what made me truly realize that I loved him was when I thought about how he jokingly called our meetings in the parks ‘dates’ and I started thinking about how nice it would be to actually go on a real date with him. Hilariously, I didn’t realize I had feelings for him until about 3 hours after I had that fantasy.

I’m going to call him and tell him both that I’m going to Eastton and that I have feelings for him, because if I don’t I know I’m going to regret this for the rest of my life. I’ll do it tomorrow. It’s very late, and this is a big decision, so I should at least sleep on it first anyways. Tomorrow I’ll have the energy to do it.

Monday

Today I was so anxious. My mind was moving a thousand miles a minute. I kept thinking about where Mikey’s going to go. He said he’s slightly leaning Eastton but he could go either way. I know if I don’t say anything Mikey will go to the University of Westton. It’s the better choice and Mikey is so smart. Maybe telling him I’m going to Eastton is selfish, since the University of Westton is better anyways. But I wouldn’t be trying to convince him or anything, so if I tell him I’m going and he goes because of that, that would be his decision that he made. I have to tell him.

I didn’t manage to confess to Mikey today. I was too scared. What if he already decided to go to the University of Westton? What if he isn’t comfortable hanging out with me because I have feelings for him? What if he’s homophobic and hates me now? (Very unlikely since he has two mothers.) These scenarios and a million others raced through my head all day and I just couldn’t work up the nerve to call him. But tomorrow I will. Tomorrow I’ll have the courage to call him.

Tuesday

The first thing I did after school today was call Mikey. I hated having to wait, but he’s homeschooled so I can’t exactly run into him at school. He didn’t pick up, even after I called him a second time. So I just had to wait for him to call me back. While I waited, I decided to read some of my favorite newspaper comics to soothe my mind.

I saw a really funny one from my favorite comic called Cog - It’s about a cat that acts like a dog. Riveting premise, I know, but trust me, it has its subtleties if you look deep into it - plus the cartoonist draws expressions really funny. In one of the comic strips, the cat was really excited to go on a walk, and he burst through a screen door just to get outside faster, only to realize it was raining and he quickly rushed back inside. I know it doesn’t sound that funny but the cat’s face was hysterical. He was so cartoonishly sad over this minor inconvenience.

Anyways- Mikey returned my call, and when he asked why I called him earlier, I panicked and lied to him. I told him that I called him to share this funny newspaper comic I read. I proceeded to awkwardly try to describe the comic over the phone but I kept stuttering and fumbling over my words and Mikey didn’t really get why the comic was so funny. The call only went on for 3 minutes but it felt like 3 hours of sheer cringe and embarrassment. I didn’t even get to the actual reason I called him. But tomorrow I will. Tomorrow I’ll be honest with him about why I really called when he asks.

Wednesday

Mikey made it so easy for me to confess to him and I failed to do it once again. He actually called me today, and ironically enough he was calling to tell me about an episode of his favorite romcom that came out today. It was so cute listening to him gush about a show he loved. I just let him go on and on for eighty straight minutes, barely listening to what he said but enjoying just hearing the sound of his voice, and by the time the call ended I realized I forgot to actually confess to him. But tomorrow I will. Tomorrow I’ll stay focused and remember to confess.

Thursday

My power went out yesterday and didn’t turn back on until 11 pm. I hate waiting to confess each day! I feel so trapped and powerless! I just want to know how he’ll react! I just want to hear what he says! My mind keeps racing, imagining a thousand different outcomes and every day I fail to find out which one is going to happen! GAHHH! At least I have a hard deadline to confess. Saturday at the park. There’s too much on the line. I know he’ll go to Eastton if he knows I’m going there. And he’ll probably go to the University of Westton if he doesn’t. That means tomorrow I’m going to do it. Tomorrow I’m going to tell him how I feel and where I’m going to college, bar some extremely unfortunate circumstances.

Friday

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much.

Ok, so she didn’t do anything wrong, but my mom’s phone happened to break last night, and she needed to borrow mine for work today. And then she had to wait 2 hours for her phone to get fixed. And once it finally got fixed, she had a missed call that she had to urgently respond to and I didn’t get my phone back until 9 pm, and Mikey has DND from 9pm to 1 am on Friday before he crashes to sleep. GAAH. And to make it worse my Mom probably forgot to charge my phone. She never charges my phone after I give it to her.

But anyways, tomorrow I’ll let Mikey know no matter what. I will do everything in my power. I won’t let anything get in my way. And if somehow I can’t call him, he’ll show up at the park anyways, like we always do, and I’ll tell him there. Everything will be alright. I will call him tomorrow and if I can't then I will show up at the park to tell him in person tomorrow.

Saturday

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

What do I do. What do I do. What do I do. What do I do. What do I do. WhAT DO I DO!

I awoke this morning to a power outage. My phone was out of battery and my mom forgot to refill the car with gas. It would have taken too long to walk to the nearest gas station to get it refilled. Ugh!

I needed to tell him today, I needed to tell him so bad. He’ll probably go to the University of Westton if I don’t. He said it’s 50/50 but I just know he’ll go to the University of Westton if I don’t tell him. It’s the better choice, so obviously he’ll choose it.

I said to myself that I would find a way to tell him, therefore I was going to tell him. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me. If I couldn’t contact him digitally, and I couldn’t drive to the park, then I’d walk. I didn't care that it was almost freezing outside, I was going to walk the full three hours to the park. Everything will be alright. He’s going to be there. It will be so much more romantic to tell him in person anyways. I figured I should arrive 40 minutes before he does if I left right then.

And that's all that leads up to now. I brought my journal so I had something to do while I waited for him. I made it to the park. I walked 3 hours through the cold, cloudy weather, but I made it. I made it 50ish minutes earlier than I needed to, but finally I made it. Everything is going to be alright. I’ve decided to start writing my journal for today while I wait for him to show up and-

Oh.

It’s starting to rain, isn’t it?

Yep.

It’s raining today.

Fuck.