I like the outdoors, but I’m beginning to miss our warm house.
It was Kelly’s idea to come all the way out here. She said that she just wants to get away from it all. I never understood that feeling; everything I’ve ever wanted was always here, in the house. But as long as she was with me, I will always be happy.
My life was a very lonely one before I met Kelly. I’m pretty sure I was loved once, but I was so little then that I could barely remember. While I was on my own, I was never really happy. Food was scarce for me so I did not eat that much. I also got into a bunch of fights before I found her. Long, sleepless nights of fighting my feelings of loss and my pain of loneliness with other fighters just tagging along. I lost more times than I won. Eventually I washed up in a halfway house that was trying to save me before I hit rock bottom. People certainly tried, but I was such a stubborn old thing that most of them gave up. I was pretty much waiting to die when I met Kelly. She was volunteering to help out and she felt that there was some sort of connection between us. I did not want to believe in love again; I had been hurt too many times before. But Kelly was patient; she gave me my space and time so I could eventually warm up to her.
Unfortunately, she was also already taken at the time. This guy was so terrible that I never bothered to learn his name. He was the worst; with his gruff voice and hairy arms. When I began to notice the bruises on Kelly, I really got mad. I told him off so fiercely that it gave Kelly the courage to leave him for good. I did not expect her to come to me and if she was not comfortable with that, I did not want her too. And yet, she still chose me over him. It was that dark and stormy night where I willingly gave my love to her. She held me so close, I thought she would never let go. Now we were inseparable; together for five years. A lot of people worried about the age gap, but I did not care.
For the trip, we packed up her Jeep and drove out into the country. I usually liked to lie down in the back while she drove, but for this special occasion I rode copilot, making sure she had plenty of company through the traffic. It was a long way to the mountains from our comfortable home in the suburbs. It was even longer getting to the camp grounds. We were lucky enough to have a camp site all to ourselves I liked the wide open spaces of the mountains and the smell of real pine as opposed to the air freshener that hung from her rear-view mirror.
Once we parked the Jeep and got our gear out, I told her I was going to run for a while. I really liked to exercise and I wasn’t able to do it that much this week. The ground was crunching under my feet and the branches whipped past my head. I felt so free and wild.
But then I reached this glade where a powerful stench hit my nose. It was so strong I almost fell back. The smell seemed to surround the entire forest. I was a pretty good tracker, so I knew that certain scents could identify particular forest animals. Maybe it was a fox or a bear, but it smelled like something even worse. It smelt like death and rot. I had to head back to the camp site as quickly as I could, Kelly should be warned about it.
I tried to tell Kelly something was out there, but she did not want to listen. She was too busy trying to relax.
Something dangerous was out there in the woods.
Of course, once the fire got going, I decided that I wasn’t going to worry about it right now. Right now we roasted weenies and marshmallows on an open fire and gobbled them up while they were still hot. It had been a long day driving up to the mountains and it was time to get ready for our big hike tomorrow.
A beautiful girl and delicious food; I was in heaven.
Her delicate hands gently combed through my tawny hair as I slowly began to fall asleep. She adored my hair and could not stop petting it. The only time she did was when it was time to go to bed. We put out the fire and headed back into the tent.
Later that night, I felt her get up. She often did get up at night. She was probably leaving to urinate. I should have gone with her, but I’ve tried that before and it did not end well. I now know how badly she wanted her privacy.
Then I heard her scream.
I bolted out of the tent and looked around the camp site. She was nowhere to be found. I had to find her, quickly. I frantically thought about what could have happened. Was her hairy boyfriend back? Was it kidnappers? A bear? Then I got the bright idea to head back to the spot where I smelled that terrible stench. Maybe whatever made that smell had gotten her.
I ran as quickly as I could; time was running out. What if she was hurt, or worse? I’m not sure I could go on without her. If I can’t protect her, what good am I?
The scent soon hits my nose again and it’s even stronger. Whatever made it can’t be far away. Then I hear a branch snap in the woods. I’m after it like a bullet. I have no idea what I’m going to find, but I hope and pray that it’s Kelly, alive and well.
The good news is that I do find her.
The bad news? I also see what got her.
Something was dragging her through the forest by her pretty blonde hair. It was bigger than her, even bigger than me. It was covered in thick, coarse hair all over its body. Fleshy lips sneered at me with a growling disdain from beneath its pointed skull. Its thick fingers grabbed hold of Kelly by another part of her anatomy and began to lift her up. Its massive feet were planted in a wide, strong stance.
The scent already triggered my fight or flight response, but now that I finally had visual contact every part of my brain was telling me to run. I had to escape or this thing would kill both Kelly and myself. But my brain also thought of something else that made me switch to the other side of the argument.
This thing in the dark had Kelly by her neck.
That’s where her bruises showed up on all of her sad days.
With a roar, I tackled this thing as hard as I could. Despite his stance, he still buckled under my weight. He let go of Kelly and that was when I really laid into it. I may have told off her hairy-armed ex-boyfriend, but I was going to fight this hideous thing tooth and nail! I fought harder than I ever fought before; I bit and scratched at this thing in the dark. I roared and growled my darkest curses at it as if that would simply banish it away along with my beating. She was not getting my Kelly while I was still alive!
The thing in the dark screamed and flailed as blood sprayed into the night sky. Its claws raked across my body and my face while its hairy fists beat heavily on my head. That only made me bite even deeper into the putrid, hairy flesh. Only when Kelly screamed my name did I finally loosen my grip. That thing took the chance to toss me away from it and stumbled back against a tree. I skidded across the dead leaves that littered the forest floor over to my beloved Kelly.
The thing in the dark was moaning and clutching its wounds while it began to circle us. I stood between it and Kelly; keeping my eyes fixed on this hairy, coneheaded behemoth. It was not going to get the drop on me, especially with my experience. I let out a threatening growl and told it to leave us alone. Whatever was hiding in the dark, it seemed to understand. Without turning around, it slowly slunk back deep into the forest and vanished from our sight.
We were finally safe.
By the time the park rangers showed up, Kelly was holding me so tight that she almost did not let go. It was just like then, when we both loved each other.
The rangers finally convinced her to let me go and fetched a doctor out here to take a look at me. He’s wrapping bandages around my wounds and checking on my vitals as Kelly paces nearby. Once he’s done, the doctor turns to Kelly with a smile.
“He’s alright, just a little scratched and banged up,” he says. “I’d recommend taking him home and letting him rest for a couple of days.”
“Oh, thank you so much!”
Looks like our vacation was over before it began. I wasn’t too bummed out; back to quiet suburbia with no hairy men and a nice, soft bed.
“I don’t know what he fought off, but you’ve got a very good dog there,” the vet says as he zips up his bag.
“Yeah,” one of the rangers said. “I had two dogs who weren’t half as brave as he was!”
Kelly is beaming down into my clear blue eyes. My muzzle parts in a smile and I give her my best panting sounds. I’m already over heated from the fight and I know she thinks I look cute like this.
“They’re right. You’re a good boy,” she said as she pets my tawny furred head. “You are the best boy in the whole world.”
My ears prick up at hearing this. Kelly doesn’t care if I’m old or mean, she loves me just the same. She’s right; I am the best boy in the world.
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I was assigned your story for Critique Circle this week. I enjoyed it! I was on the lookout because of the prompt, but without it I don’t know how soon I would have caught on that the MC is a dog, maybe not until the fight when it bit and scratched. Well done! I think the story pulled off the casual voice of a canine friend and protector very well. I like the image of the dog wanting to leave the tent with Kelly but reconsidering when recalling similar circumstances in the past. :) Some of the turns of phrase I like are: “I liked the wide open spaces of the mountains and the smell of real pine as opposed to the air freshener that hung from her rear-view mirror”; “That’s where her bruises showed up on all of her sad days”; and “I should have gone with her, but I’ve tried that before and it did not end well.” I appreciate the overall structure, including the foreshadowing of the MC smelling something in the woods before it actually attacks. One thing you might consider, in my opinion, is watching the verb tenses as it switches between past and present tense in some places. Thank you for sharing your story!
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I'm glad you enjoyed it and I was honored to have my first story on here critiqued by you! Yes, the contest may have been a bit of a dead giveaway, but I still wanted to try to bury the lede. I personally have never been in those situations; our dog seems to leave us be, but I have seen plenty of videos of pets that don't understand privacy. XD
I pride myself on writing solid turns of phrase and dialogue, so I'm glad those stood out to you!
Foreshadowing is something I've had to learn and to take my time when using it to set up a story so I'm proud of how I handled that.
The verb tenses were always on my mind. I should have specified that the present point in time was the two of them eating campfire fare while everything was in the past and continue on from there. I tend to slide back and forth between tenses when I write, but I guess that's because I think of every story as being in the past when you start to write it down.
Thank you for giving me some constructive criticism and I hope to hear more from you! ^_^
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I love the idea of using tenses to drag the reader into the moment! And I'm glad you received the comments in the spirit in which they were intended! :) On the lookout for more! Cheers!
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Awe, this was so much fun to read. I was guessing for a bit at the start. You had some really good word choices for the dog's POV!!
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I'm glad you enjoyed it! I always like to keep people guessing with my work. Some of the words choices may have felt a little strange because some people prefer to write animals with only a limited understanding of human concepts and devices. I felt this would have revealed the twist too early, so I tried to keep it as close to a person's perspective as I could.
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