Figuratively Speaking Going in Opposite Directions.

One of my friends moved in with me to share the living costs. She had fallen behind with her rent, and her landlord had threatened to evict her. This decision would help both of us as the cost of living was rising and it was difficult to keep on top of living expenses. I had no idea we would figuratively be going in opposite directions. Like a hike, when one hiker goes north and the other goes south with no phones, this inevitably led to an increasing gap between us with no interactions. We both had to turn around and change our direction before we lost each other forever.

One evening we were sitting together at the kitchen table having dinner one when I looked around the living area in the unit. “This apartment needs some colour. It is very depressing. What do you think?” Julie looked at the walls, the furniture and the two ornaments on the cabinet. “We could paint the walls, get some new furniture and buy more ornaments?” she suggested. I smiled and said that was a good idea. We were both moving in the right direction until we shared the next idea. Julie said “ We will get the walls painted green and get some nature ornaments like artificial plants, some animals and we could get pictures of the sea and the mountains. Julie had said what we would be doing without listening to my suggestions and it was obvious that she had definite ideas when it came to a home’s atmosphere. I definitely didn’t want green walls and when we went to look at furniture it was evident that we wouldn’t agree on what to buy.

I didn’t have the courage to be assertive and tell Julie my ideas. I wanted a white wall to replace the dark wallpaper and not too many ornaments. How could we get together and resolve this, Would there be a solution or would it lead to an ongoing conflict and perhaps a permanent separation. It took me a while to realise that I had to be assertive to resolve this issue peacefully. The next day I started the conversation with Julie. “It’s good you have some ideas about the decorations but I think we should both compromise to make a final decision. I would accept yellow walls and your choices of ornaments but not too many. Is that all right?” Julie looked at me and I could tell she was a bit unsettled. I continued the conversation.” I know this is your home and you contribute to the expenses but I own the property. I will be living here for a long time but you might make the decision to move on one day and I will have to live with the surroundings. I will need to be comfortable in my home.” Julie looked at me and nodded “ Yes I agree. Your suggestions are great”.

Being calmly assertive had worked and we were figuratively coming back in the right direction. The hikers went to the furniture store to buy some new furniture. It took a while to agree on the furniture. I realised that even close friends can differ on some things. Julie wanted a big leather lounge and a smaller fabric lounge and a matching chair caught my attention. Julie explained that a sofa bed would be useful when a friend came to stay. I couldn’t imagine that happening in my small apartment. The thought of having another assertive discussion with the hikers running in different directions was overwhelming and I told Julie we would buy the lounge she liked. With that settled we moved on to choose a dining table and chairs. We paid for the furniture and arranged for it to be delivered.

The next step was to contact some painters to come and paint the walls in the lounge room and dining room. They came the following week and while they were doing the work we went out. Both Julie and I had taken some leave from work while we were renovating the unit. We decided to go to the movies together. We hadn’t researched the movies as this was a last-minute choice. Two movies were screening and we chose the dramatic one over the comedy movie. Our movie preferences were always in alignment. We sat in the theatre and the movie started. The main character told his friends he was planning to stay in the country and find a new job. Then one day out of the blue he told his friends he had decided to go overseas to live, as he had found a partner online and they both wanted a close relationship. His friends were amazed at this decision and happy for him but knowing they would miss him. Julie and I laughed as the character had suddenly gone in a different direction.

When we returned to the apartment the workers had finished the job. We looked at their work and we were vey impressed. The yellow colour spoted out in a calming way and we were both happy with the result. When the furniture arrived and was carried in and placed in the spots we wanted we both knew that together we had made the right decision. Julie’s choice of ornaments increased the ambience and she had selected exactly the right amount that didn’t take over the rooms. We hugged each other with feelings of contentment and connection. Our home was exactly what we wanted it to be and we knew it would be a long term home for both of us. We sat on the new lounge and started talking about our work and everyday activities. Julie was a Primary School teacher and I worked at a restaurant. They were completely different occupations but we both worked with other people and children and customers. We both needed to use communication skills to do a positive role. We are all different people with some similar aspects and also different skills and personality traits. We can still interact successfully even when we theoretically walk in different directions. Julie laughed and told me she was going to buy a picture of two hikers running the smae way.