Yearning

Grey.

My feet curl in the wet sand while my gaze grazes the waves in front of me. Just like the sea the sky is grey. Darker though. Clouds are hanging dangerously low. They look heavy. Ready to burst. At the horizon the dark grey melts into the muddy grey.

Infinite ocean or infinite sky?

My trousers are folded just below my knees. The waves lick my lower calves. In response I lick my lips. Once. Twice. The salty taste is familiar. The taste of seaweed and mud stirs a memory. I close my eyes and concentrate.

Darkness.

I open my eyes. My heart is pounding heavily. I try to swallow. I cough. Then I spit. The waves make sure no evidence of my weakness remains.

The wind turns. Now, my view is obstructed while hairy spiderwebs cling to my face. The wind supports the waves. They are now wearing small white crowns.

Tiaras.

This time I’m graced with the flicker of a memory. Gentle eyes. A shy smile. A sparkling tiara on dark hair. My face in the mirror.

My hair is but a plaything to the wind, which grows stronger. The way it wraps around my neck makes my hand dive into my pocket. I fish out a hairband. With effort I peel the sticky hair off my face. The wind proclaims its unhappiness. But I eventually win the fight. The waves are rewarding me with their cold tongues licking my calves.

Now, my view isn’t obstructed anymore. So I search the horizon again. The grey got even darker. But my eyes still flicker over the waves.

What am I looking for?

The thought pops up and is buried under the mesmerizing dance of the waves. They roll in from afar and greet me gently at the shore. Any movement catches my attention. Every time my heart rises and sinks with the waves.

Nothing.

The salty sea runs down my face. I wipe it off. A sob escapes me. My heart feels heavy.

Where are you?

I want to shout. I open my mouth. But no sound escapes. Still the sea answers, agitated by the wind and my silence. I breathe in. I sigh. I wait for the relief. But the weight still presses me down in the wet sand.

Stuck.

I try to wriggle my toes. They barely move. For a short moment I manage to tear my gaze away from the horizon. As punishment I’m surprised by the next wave. My feet are sucked in too deep. I almost lose balance. I stumble backwards.

The water claims the sandy territory I just abandoned. Immediately, any trace of me is swallowed by the sea. Vanishes.

The waves now reach my knee. The wind tears at my hair, at my coat. Its cold makes me shiver while the ocean promises me icy relief.

Don’t. They’d be sad.

The thought is short. Then I hear it. My head snaps up. Where the sky meets the ocean.

You found me!

A tiny dot on the horizon is moving. Darker than the water. Darker than the sky. The wind turns again. Blowing my hair out of my face. Pushing me away from the sea. It wants to cut me down. I smile. My steps lead me into the water. I’m not cold.

Grey.

The water is far too warm and murky. My friends have already retreated. A storm is no laughing matter. The currents change and you might get lost. You might never return. I want to follow my friends, my family. But my body moves in the opposite direction.

The water turns browner. I know this part of the ocean like no other but new currents pull my body. A few times I try to push in the other direction. To no avail.

Sand gets into my eyes and my mouth. The taste of mud stirs a memory.

Darkness.

I want to close my eyes but I can’t be reckless. The storm is almost there. I’m quite sure. So, I squint my eyes. My vision blurs even more. There is sand grating against my teeth. I swim faster, pushed by an unfamiliar current. The water changes from murky brown to grey. A shiver runs through my body as I’m pulled away further and further from my home. Then I break through the surface.

With a hiss I push the water out of my lungs to make space for air. A wave greets me with a slap in the face. I’m surrounded by grey.

Didn’t I just surface?

A faint rumble makes me whip around. At the horizon I see a silver fork touching the sea. Another wave slaps my face. I breathe in. I cough. I spit. Sand leaves my mouth. The murky taste still lingers. The wind pushes the water around me. For a moment I just drift with the waves.

Finally, my eyes focus on the horizon. I see the mass of land. Dark grey, dryland bleeding into the sky.

Infinite land or infinite sky?

But grey waves stretch in front of me. Like the dead corals near my home. Sadness makes me sink deeper, but I don’t dive. Something pulls my gaze toward the land. Then the waves lift me up again. Higher this time. The wind picks up while my eyes are fixed on the land.

Where are you?

Then I feel it. A tremble. A familiar melody. A call. A yearning.

I answer with a cry. There is no answer but my own heart cramping in my chest. The pain in my chest makes my scales bristle. The pull intensifies. My tail flicks. Another cry escapes my throat. Then I see it. A tiny dot on the horizon is moving. Darker than the land. Darker than the sky.

Dive. Faster!

I fight the urge. I can’t lose the black dot.

I found you!

The wind picks up. Pushing me away from the land. Building walls out of waves. But I smile. My tail is strong. I won’t be defeated. My gaze never wavers.