To Be Loved By You

Twenty-three years ago

I push through the tall weeds as the breeze whispers into the sky. I run as fast as my legs could carry me, each breath heavier than the next. The birds above me call out to each other, the same way my voice wished to call out to him.

His laughter echoes in my ears, driving me more determined to catch up to him. His hand grabs my wrist, pulling me out of the maze field. I fall on his chest, then roll to his side, causing his laughter to grow.

He turns his head to flash me his brightest smile. “Alvar, what would I do without you?” He whispers, twisting the grass between his fingers.

I pass him my broadest smile. “Die of boredom?” I tease, sticking my tongue out playfully. That makes Kaguya Yoru punch me lightly.

“I’m serious,” he continues. “Our adventure together ended too soon, and I don’t want to leave our friendship like this–”

“Kaguya,” I interject, bringing his lavender eyes up to mine. “You’ll do just fine. I know you will. You’re Kaguya Yoru, after all.”

Kaguya’s warm smile returns again, causing me to forget all the pretty things in the world.

Still, I couldn’t believe today would be our last day together. I’ve known Kaguya for a little over a year, but it sped by all too fast. When I first met him, I have to admit, I was a little intimidated. His midnight-black hair covered half of his face, and his lavender eyes showed no light at all.

But I still accepted him as an equal. Kaguya finally opened up to me after almost a month, and he was nothing I expected him to be.

He even asked me to go shopping with him for hairpins so he could pin his hair back, so I gave him one myself. A little birthday present from my older sister as a joke, but I kept it because it was red and simple. Something I thought would complement Kaguya’s eyes.

Ever since then, both of his eyes shone brighter than the stars.

The hum of the airport filled the air, a mixture of excitement and the dull thrum of anxious travelers. Kaguya stood in front of the giant departures board, his hand clenched tightly around his suitcase handle. His flight number was finally up, and he turned to face me one last time.

“Alvar, come with me,” he says, approaching me gingerly. “Maybe we don’t have to depart like this. M-Maybe–”

I take Kaguya’s hand in my own, squeezing it slightly. “Once you’re finished with your business, come back to me, alright? I’ll be waiting for you right here, no matter how long it takes.”

With a deep breath, Kaguya gathered his courage and walked towards the security line. I watch him carefully as the sounds of laughter, announcements, and rolling suitcases echo around us, almost drowning out the rhythmic thud of my heart.

As he approached the checkpoint, the ravenette looked back at me again. I chuckle softly at the sight of the nervousness flickering in those lavender eyes. Kaguya’s never shown this much worry in front of me.

I pass him my best, genuine smile, hoping he’ll read it as, ‘You’ll be okay’.

Once through security, Kaguya shuffles with the large crowd and disappears from view. I inhale sharply, then exhale slowly. “He’ll come back…”

Five years later

I fix my denim jacket one more time, bouncing my leg nervously. It’s been five years since I last saw Kaguya Yoru. He unexpectedly left a voice message while I was busy with internships, but he finally cleared everything up and wanted to meet up with me so we could catch up.

I even rushed ahead to find nice spots for us to meet. I ended up choosing a popular cafe that my friends introduced me to.

I wonder what kind of stories Kaguya’ll have for me, considering he was in Europe for the last five years. And how much has he changed? Would I even recognize him? What if he didn’t recognize me?

“Alvar? Alvar Hyde?” A voice behind me asks.

“Sorry, I’m not ready to order yet–”

I stop short when I turn around, finding a tall, slim, tan-skinned boy before me. He didn’t wear the red pin for his hair, but for his bag strapped around him. His midnight-black hair was short now, and his lashes were long; they cast a shadow. But those lavender eyes were all too familiar.

“K-Kaguya?” I gasp slightly, my hand reaching out to him without even thinking.

He takes it into his, his grin brightening. “I’m so glad you were able to recognize me, Alvar,” he laughs softly, crystal tears swimming in his eyes.

I stand up from my chair, scraping it hard against the wooden floor, and pull the shorter one into a tight, warm embrace.

“It’s been way too long,” I whisper in his ear, burying my face in the nape of his neck.

The lavender-eyed boy nods in agreement, patting my back. “Ditto.”

Kaguya never stopped talking about his adventures in Europe. They were all slightly a blur because I could only pay attention to what was in front of me. Kaguya Yoru. This boy never ceases to amaze me. I rest my chin on my hand.

Kaguya sips his latte through the plastic straw. “Alvar, you’re listening, right?”

I chuckle softly, shaking my head honestly. “Sorry, but I was too focused on you. You’ve changed a lot, Kaguya.”

A fade, rosy blush forms on his cheeks as he laughs sheepishly. “Th-There’s just a lot to do in Europe. You should come visit sometime.”

I nod, lifting a shoulder. I bite into my cookie and brush the crumbs from my hands. “Maybe. We could go sightseeing together then. Speaking of which, I made a plan for the entire day so we’ll remember this reunion–”

I pause when Kaguya starts fidgeting with his cup of latte. “Um, if you’re okay, that is…” I add hesitantly.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, of course,” he mumbles, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear. That doesn’t put me at ease at all.

Time Skip

I stretch my arms, groaning slightly as relief washes over me. I pull my phone out and turn to Kaguya, who was still wearing the cute bear ears from the amusement park we just left.

“Hey, Kaguya,” I call out, pointing at my phone. “Smile for me?”

He looks up from his shoes and passes me a small, modest smile without posing, as he usually would. Kaguya always pulled the peace sign with a smile brighter than the stars. This must mean he’s upset about something.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask, approaching the shorter one. I wrap my hands around his arms, rubbing them comfortingly.

Kaguya stares down at his leather boots, then into my eyes. His soft lavender eyes always somehow hypnotize me in the most curious ways.

“Alvar, I can’t stay,” he blurts out.

My hands drop to my side as I’m paralyzed in shock. Kaguya’s mouth moves, but the ringing in my ear blocks his voice out. My fingers curl into tight fists, causing my knuckles to grow white.

“What do you mean you’re not staying?” I demand.

Kaguya looks taken aback, but he swallows hard instead. “M-Mother expects me back in Europe, Alvar. This was my only opportunity to see you again, which is why I returned to America in the first place–”

“I thought you said you cleared things up,” I interject sourly. “That’s what you said in the voicemail you sent me, Kaguya.”

He chews on his lips instead of responding properly. I sigh in disappointment, dragging my fingers through my hair.

“I’m sorry I had to tell you like this, Alvar,” he continues solemnly, brushing past me. “But this is where the journey ends.”

I spin around, grab his wrist, and force him to look at me. “You can’t leave like this, you just can’t, Kaguya. It’s been five years since we last saw each other.”

He breaks our gaze, pulling away from my grip. “I guess this is why Mother thought it’d be terrible if I came back to you.”

His words strike me in shock again as Kaguya fixes his bag strap and walks further away from me. I follow behind, or try to, because in those moments, I lost sight of Kaguya again.

Eighteen years later

The busy streets of New York City pulse with energy, filled with the sounds of honking taxis and distant sirens. Vendors call out from colourful food carts, the enticing aromas of pretzels and hot dogs mixing in the air.

As I navigate the throngs of people, groups of tourists capture photos of towering skyscrapers while locals rush by, heads buried in their phones. A street performer strums a heartfelt tune, drawing a small crowd, while a child dances happily nearby, laughter blending with the music.

Sunlight glints off towering glass buildings, casting dynamic shadows on the bustling sidewalks. Nearby, vendors sell blooming flowers, adding vibrancy to the city's unique scent. People weave past each other; couples strolling hand in hand, a businessman rushing by, an elder chatting with a young woman.

My eyes trail from my phone lock screen to the giant, bright billboard for a perfume ad. I exhale sharply.

“No wonder you never called,” I mutter as the locals stop to analyze the beautiful fashion icon: Kaguya Yoru.

“Whatcha staring at, Papa?”

I flinch in surprise, looking down at the short brunette holding my hand tightly.

“S-Sakuya!” I exclaim, causing her to giggle. “Nothing, nothing really,” I respond, pulling us away from the billboard. “C-C’mon, Mama’s gonna cook your favourite tonight.”

Sakuya blinks twice, but shrugs it off, skipping down the streets as I turn my head to look at Kaguya’s lavender eyes one last time.

Time Skip

“You keep denying things, Sakuya won’t stop questioning you,” Sadie says, dicing the onions.

I loosen my tie, watching my wife busy herself in the kitchen. I always offer a helping hand, but she always rejects it. I wonder if today will be any different.

“Sakuya’s smart,” I point out, kneeling to pick up the young girl’s crayons.

Sadie pauses for a moment, silence falling between us. “Alvar, staring at his ads won’t bring him back.”

I freeze in place, not daring to drop Sakuya’s red crayon. “This isn’t about him,” I denied, dropping the crayons into her pencil case.

“Everything’s been about him,” she snaps, turning around. “From the moment you said, ‘I do’, you were looking for him in the audience.”

I sigh in frustration, standing up straighter. “Kaguya’s been my friend since we were thirteen. Not to mention, we left on bad terms at eighteen.”

“Alright, then what about when Sakuya was born? I wanted to name her Phoebe, but you insisted on Sakuya.”

“What does Sakuya’s name have to do with Kaguya?” I scoff slightly. “And don’t raise your voice, she could hear you–”

“Sakuya, Kaguya, they both rhyme,” Sadie continues, ignoring me. “You can’t tell me that’s not a coincidence.”

I rub my face tiredly in defeat. As much as I hated to admit it, Sadie was…right. Everything constantly reminded me of Kaguya. The day of my wedding, I couldn’t stop looking for him. And for a blink second, I thought I saw him. Sitting somewhere in the crowd, or standing as my best man.

The way I wanted to ask if he could be.

I fall into the armchair exhausted. I rub the side of my temple with my index and middle fingers, massaging it slightly.

“Sadie, we both know this isn’t the happiest marriage,” I sigh. “But let’s not forget Sakuya exists. If we continue like this, we’ll ruin her life. And I know how much you love her more than you love yourself or me.”

The ravenette huffs in annoyance, crossing her arms. She slowly nods, though.

“You’re right,” she grumbles softly. “I’m only bearing this for Sakuya, not for you.”

“Nothing you do was for me,” I retort, brushing past her. I walk up the stairs to Sakuya’s room, greeting her with my best warm smile. “Hey there, cupcake. What’re you playing?”

Sakuya shakes her head as I brush her bob with my fingers. I readjust her hairpin as she shows off her drawings. “Look, Papa, I drew you and me and Mama.”

I feign happiness, acting awestruck with her masterpiece. “This is so beautiful, Sakuya. Should we put it up on the fridge?”

Sakuya sits back on her chair, fidgeting with her fingers. “Papa, do you really miss your friend? K-Kaguya, was his name?”

I open my mouth to respond, but it opens agape as nothing escapes my throat. I ruffle her hair, laughing softly.

“Of course I do,” I respond as she continues to giggle. “I miss your Auntie Lily, your Uncle Paxon, everyone. Kaguya’s just too busy to visit us, so–”

She pulls out another one of her drawings from her desk drawer and shoves it in my face. “And when he does visit, I’ll give this to him as a present!”

I take the drawing from her hands, my eyes trailing over every little detail she added. I don’t even remember showing her a picture of Kaguya. I slip it under the stack of her other drawings and pick her up from the ground, her giggles erupting again.

“C’mon, cupcake, let’s go eat dinner.”

The next day

I check the time on my watch, worn around my wrist, one last time as the people around me squeeze past me or bump into my shoulder. I mutter under my breath, loosening my tie now and then.

I unlock my phone to text Sadie real quick, but someone bumps into my shoulder hard, causing my briefcase to slip out of my hands. It cracks open, sending the papers flying everywhere.

I grumble under my breath as the New Yorkers step on the perfectly, formerly alphabetized papers. The person who bumped into me crouches down and picks them up, too. He was wearing a large sweater, the hood of which hid most of his face, a cap, and a mask covering the bottom half of his face.

“Here you go, I’m sorry about that,” he says, handing them to me.

I nod in thanks, but when his eyes meet mine, my heart stops.

The lavender eyes were all too familiar to me. The memories flash before my eyes as the world around us seems to slow down. Kaguya was right in front of me, helping me out. Why did it feel so…nostalgic?

“K-Kaguya?”

His eyes widen in surprise as he lowers his cap to hide himself. “S-Sir, please, not so loud. I just got away from my fans–”

I grab his wrist, abandoning my briefcase and all the important papers behind. I squeeze through the shuffling crowd while Kaguya keeps trying to pull away from my iron grip. He didn’t recognize me, of course, he didn’t. The last eighteen years changed me. A little too much in Lily’s opinion.

“S-Sir!”

I pin him against the wall of an alleyway, a place we couldn’t be bothered. My grip tightens around his shoulders as his eyes trail from my suit to my eyes.

“Do you still not recognize me, Kaguya?” I ask softly. The ravenette shakes his head in response hesitantly. “It’s me, Alvar. Alvar Hyde.”

He squints his eyes, but they slowly widen, flickering with familiarity. “A-Alvar?” He asks, cupping my cheeks. Kaguya pulls me into a tight embrace. I bury my face into the nape of his neck, feeling a strong sense of deja vu.

“It really is you,” he whispers as I wrap my hands around his waist.

He’s gotten thinner. I tell myself as Kaguya pulls away first, but I keep my hands around his waist.

“Kaguya, the last eighteen years have been painful for me,” I murmur, causing him to stroke my hair. I bite my lips hard. “I’ve been holding this back, but…I love you.”