Echoes of Gesundheit

Austin threw an old t-shirt on and tied his tennis shoes. He ran downstairs singing a classic rock song until he ran into his mom and dad.

“Hey mom, hey dad, I’m going to get started outside.”

“Don’t forget to take your allergy pill!” she said.

“It’s only the first week of Spring mom, I’ll be alright.”

The sun had fully risen, and it was a glorious day. Austin cranked the lawnmower and went back and forth over the bermuda grass. He smiled at the dandelions, tiny bluets, and yellow wood sorrels alongside his parent’s house. His hair flowed gently in the breeze like the birds and the bees.

“Achoo!”

Stars encircled him as the powdery snow ate at his knees. Austin breathed into his cupped hands, but it didn’t help. Then a man clothed in thick garments and snow shoes approached him.

“Hi, stranger. What’s your name?”

“Uh, it’s Austin. What’s yours?

“Name’s Fred. You must be freezing out here. Get inside my sled and come with me to my village.”

“Well, uhm, ok. Where are we if you don’t mind me asking.”

“We are in the Snowlands my friend. Say, how did you get here anyways?”

“You know I’m not really sure. I was just mowing the lawn and then I sneezed and popped up here.”

“Gesundheit! My neighbors will be excited to see you.”

Austin sat freezing while Fred dragged him to the village igloo that read “GESUNDHEIT” on a sign made from whale bone.

“Inside you will find all that you need. Please come to the village circle when you are ready. Gesundheit.”

Austin lay flat on his back, almost breaking the cot. Smoke and fish filled the air, even inside his igloo. No matter how many bundles of fur coats he layered, he just couldn’t warm up. What the actual heck is going on here? Where are the Snowlands and who are these people? What fricking year is it? With both hands, he held his head as he sat on the side of the cot facing the door. I wish I were back home. Then he fell asleep from the weight and warmth of the fur coats.

Night came and Austin went to the middle of the village where the smoke was reaching high into the sky. Each step in his new snow shoes put a smile on his face. Then he saw Fred not too far off.

“Austin! I see you’re doing better now. Come, come. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

In the center of the village was an igloo surrounded by whale bones and animal skulls. Inside were many elders in fur coats with piercings and tattoos, but the man at the far end of the igloo was wearing a polar bear hide along with a tooth and bone necklace. He kept a bone staff in his hand as he sat cross-legged. The smells of cedar and tobacco filled the igloo.

“We hear you have come to us under mysterious circumstances,” said the chief.

“Yeah, I told Fred here that I was just cutting my parent’s lawn and sneezed super bad and popped up knee-deep in snow.”

All the elders chanted, “gesundheit, gesundheit, gesundheit!”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“We must tell you, our people have long expected you to arrive. For centuries we have passed down the prophecy of the pale sneezing white man.”

“Hey, I get a good tan going in summertime.”

“Silence.”

“Let us tell you of the prophecy.”

The chief elder began,

“Before the first thaw appears a man pale white,

At an unknown time, whether by day or night.

Origins are far, and we don’t know why,

Achoo, echoes of gesundheit.

When it becomes the destined time,

The man is gone, without a chime.

The man is gone; we don’t know why,

Achoo, echoes of gesundheit.”

“So tell us, pale white man, where do you come from?”

“Born and raised in Alabama, yep.”

“We’ve never heard of this place, it must be far past the borders of the Snowlands.”

“Probably, but I don’t even know where the Snowlands are in the first place.”

“Tell us stranger, why do you come to us here in the Snowlands?”

“Not sure really. Wish I did. But I know one thing, I’ve never sneezed that hard before.”

The elders chanted, “gesundheit, gesundheit, gesundheit!”

“Thanks, thank you, y’all are too kind.”

The chief looked Austin up and down and smiled. He stood up very slowly and walked toward him. Austin backed up and avoided eye contact.

“Don’t be scared Austin, the prophecy has come true. Let us celebrate!”

The chief took the customary hides off Austin and draped a mighty polar bear hide over him. Elders came close to him and smeared black paint on his face, and lines under his eyes. They put a necklace on him made from whale bones and polar bear claws. Then the chief pulled the polar bear hood over Austin and sat him amongst the elders.

“The time has come for you to take part in our ancestral tradition.”

The chief prepared an herbal recipe in a mortar and pestle and brewed it into a tea. As he handed it to Austin, he threw mysterious herbs into the fire. Just as Austin was about to drink, the smoke hit his nose.

“Achoo!”

The sun beat down on him hard, and the weight of the polar bear hide was too much to bear. He ripped it off in a frenzy on his way to the door, and by the time we was inside, he was soaked in sweat. Austin ran to the kitchen and grabbed an allergy pill. He downed it with the faucet water and let the water pour over him, washing away the tribal paint. His dad saw him with his head under the running water.

“Austin, you ok buddy?”

Austin turned to face his dad.

“Woah, what do you have on son?

“It’s a necklace made from whale bone and polar bear claws. The elders gave it to me.”

“Uhm, ok. Well, did you finish the yard yet?”

“Yeah, about that. I think I should wait for my allergy meds to kick in before I go back out. That pollen made me sneeze way too hard.”

“I know it's late, but gesundheit!”

“Thanks, dad.”